Tim the Poke'mon Master.

morrison ↓

i’m ……speechless

Shrek came out 13 years ago

I didn’t know shrek was gay

Best thing about winter is all the bugs r rotting in hell where they belong

[tries to crowd surf at a TED talk]

write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back

I JUST PUT MY SHIRT ON AND THERE WAS A SPIDER IN IT!!!!!!!!

or did you just put a shirt on that a spider was already wearing?

thats so rude

“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?” “Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”

“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”

“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”

“I went to church yesterday and the holy water was really hot!”

“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”