Timeless Blooms & Words

Your Back! i've been home for 2 hours and i still haven't touched the ground since i saw you!

i've sat here for an hour wanting to write another Dear J letter but somehow tonight i can't write two words because i'm over the moon with joy to finally have you back where you belong.

it's been a while since i wrote the last.. you could say it's been a busy few months… gosh i hadn't realized just how numb i'd been since you'd gone.

i feel as though my heart has been put back in my chest… i feel… i feel whole again.

any doubt i had about loving you was put to rest tonight because my missing piece is back.

             I Love You Justin.... I always have

It's been 2 months since you left. I'm not sure where you went or why.. I miss seeing you. Even though you disappearing has made my heart heavy I've learned things that I never knew I needed to.

I've learned that even if you fall for someone it doesn't mean that things with that person will ever work out and even if it does.. Well it may not last.

I've realized that while I believed I was grown up and completely mature that maybe there's still a little more growing up and maturing I need to do before I focus on the type of relationship I wanted with you.. Or a relationship with anyone.

I've realized that while I truly believed myself in love with you maybe it was the kind of falling I love where you never get to be together. Or as much as I dislike admitting it… maybe it was never truly love maybe I just wanted it to be love so much that I couldn't see the truth that you were just a stronger crush then I was accustomed to.

It's been a strange place without you but I'm sure it will level out soon enough… and maybe I'll even forget about you….. Haha who am i I kidding you never forget your first love or even the one you believed you were in love with and even if it wasn't love with you, I still never want to forget you.

If it were love with you I would have shed a tear when you disappeared yet I haven't yet.. .. I may not be crying over you but I'm mourning in my own way for a love and relationship between us that never existed and probably never will.

Truthfully I believed I had life figured out until I believed myself in love with you. I was wrong, honestly no one ever has life figured out no matter how much they believe they do.

I didn't want to believe that I wasn't actually in love with you because aside from the idea of you… I really don't have much going for my in life and when I believed I was in love with you I had the one thing I feared I'd never find going for me.. Now I'm back to square one with not a lot but I'm slowly making peace with it.

I just want you to know you are one of the two men I'll compare the rest to for my entire life or at least until I meet the man meant for me. I might not be in love with you (who knows maybe I am, how is one suppose to know when they've fallen in love?) however I do love you, I know that much.

I'll carry you forever in my heart even if just to remember what I deserve in a man. I'll love you forever even if you'll never know it.

-Goodbye Justin.

Your everything that I've ever wanted while being everything that I'll never have.