okay i gotta meta on poppyâs personality itâs killing me not to so this may not make a whole lot of  sense  but iâm going to try !
all of this happens slowly over time ,   but for convenience i am splitting it into three sections for easier reading & understanding   (   at least ,   i hope itâs easier .   )
the beginning  (  poppyâs adolescence and first years at the time agency .  )
poppy is ,   first and foremost ,   a sweet and naive girl .   she grew up in a colony called iris base where there were maybe a hundred-and-fifty other human beings ,   and everyone knew each other .   you could trust your neighbours .   she also had severe asthma which went largely untreated because this colony had only basic medical help .   it screwed up her lungs .   she had to trust because she couldnât exactly run away .   she grew in this environment until she was fifteen years old ,   when an illness swept through the colony ,   killing about 70% of the population ,   including both of poppyâs parents .   all she had left was her brother ,   who was being conscripted by the time agency .   poppy had no choice but to join ,   too .   she was a happy and hopeful young girl ,   even in the face of a terrible loss ,   because she thought she had a future with the time agency .   she had never left iris base before ,   and here she was ,   being given training for an occupation ,   an education ,   a future .   her brother was excited ,   and so was she .   and for a few years ,   she was happy and healthy  (  the damage to her lungs couldnât be fixed without an operation ,   which poppy was desperately afraid of ,   but modern medicine healed some of it and prevented further damage  )  and she became amazingly good at her job .   charismatic and sweet and still naive ,   itâs been five years before she figures it out .   that somethingâs wrong .   poppy is not naturally suspicious ,   and sheâs been conditioned by the time agency not to ask questions  (  theyâve made her feel so grateful for saving her and her brother that sheâs scared to push ,   even when something feels wrong ,   because she doesnât want to lose this safety ,   this security .   poppy doesnât have a concept of â the greater good . â   sheâs selfish in this way ,   a scared girl who doesnât want to lose this .   but her brother is part of it .   heâs acting strangely .   they donât talk anymore .   a few years of quiet investigation ,   of listening carefully and learning ,   she realises heâs part of the corruption .   but poppy ,   for the most part ,  is a bubbly ,  happy ,  friendly and sweet girl at this time .   people like her generally  (  not everyone is a fan ,   though .   sheâs too nice sometimes ,  and far too trusting .  a lot of agents think sheâll get eaten alive one day .  )
poppyâs years as a time agent .
poppyâs quite happy to keep her head down as long as the corruption doesnât affect her or her friends .    but it does .   time agents keep defecting or dying .   they need more people ,   so they turn to the other departments .   they pluck poppy from her sewing machine ,   strap a vortex manipulator to her wrist ,   and send her on missions .   completely unprepared with no training and health problems ,   poppy is absolutely not the person to be a time agent .   the three years she spends as a time agent are some of the most traumatic of her life .   lots of it is down to her sheer incompetence ,   but she nearly dies a lot .   she barely completes her missions ,   and not always the way sheâs supposed to .   poppy is a girl who just wants to survive .   she will never talk about some of her missions ,   but she has been tortured .   she has been stranded .   she has had to kill people herself ,   mostly accidentally ,   but sometimes ,   when it comes down to her and someone else ,  she has let them die instead .   once or twice .   poppy becomes horribly frightened of herself ,   of her capacity to be someone else entirely . of this part of her that comes out when sheâs under threat ,  of this part of her that can let others die ,  that can kill ,   that can be a monster .   she becomes a fantastic actress .   she buries all her trauma under the facade of the sweet ,  kind girl and no one is any the wiser .   the time agency shuts down ,   and poppy is free .   and somehow thatâs worse .
poppyâs life after the time agency .
poppy masks her trauma spectacularly .   she runs away ,   abandons almost everyone  (  including her brother  )  and tries to settle down somewhere .   anywhere ,  in any time ,  she needs to escape the person she became .   she wants to find a place she feels safe ,  somewhere she is separate and detached from the monster inside her forever .   note :   poppy is not a monster on purpose .   and somehow thatâs worse .  sheâs not capable .  sheâs not coordinated and doesnât react well under pressure at all .  half the deaths she has caused are complete accidents ,  and that makes her feel so guilty .   a monster is not a person who does things in cold blood ;   poppy is more afraid because she has no control over it .   itâs not some separate personality ,  it is her .  it could be any of us .   until any of us are in a life-or-death situation ,  we cannot truly know who we become .  who weâll choose ,  what weâll do to survive .   poppy always thought sheâd be a selfless heroine ,  a person who would sacrifice herself to save others .   that wasnât the case .  when poppy was faced ,  time and time again ,  with death and danger ,   panic would set in and sheâd do anything to survive .   she was so fucking scared .  that doesnât excuse it ,  it just make her human ,  but poppy is so ashamed of it .   of the morally-grey area she has found herself residing in .   what makes her feel infinitely more guilty is ,  after the time agency years ,  she finds herself judging things more differently than she used to .  the things she found heinous before ,   are somehow not that way any more .  the thing is ,  poppy is still the person who wants to survive .  almost permanently .  she doesnât feel safe anymore .  she doesnât have the security of the time agency or her brother ,  sheâs just running around the universe ,  trying to find a safe and quiet place where she can make a home .  but nowhere feels safe anymore .
poppy is ,  at heart ,  a very sweet and kind girl ,  buried under a traumatised woman ,  buried under a person who can be a little sadistic and scary and frightening when put under pressure ,  hiding behind the facade of a sweet girl again ,  trying desperately to make that a reality.
poppy before being a time agent is not confident ,  but she is enthusiastic .  sheâs a little shy and unsure of herself and the world around her .  poppy after the time agency is still unsure ,  but she feigns confidence like she was born to it .  she is far more cautious and suspicious too ,  but hides all of this behind a charming and exuberant attitude .
