Build the Machine

Blah blah blah chrome book blah blah blah. I have a chromebook. It is hard to get used too. The “bevels” are too big. I need a desk or something. Maybe a chair. Blah blah. Maybe a case. It’s okay though. I haven’t found much I really can do with it that I can’t do with my other devices. I guess this. I’m tired. It has a pretty good battery life at least. The screen is a little washed out. I needed it, “needed it” for work. But stupid work doesn’t support linux. SO I found a workaround by accessing my pc remotely through chrome. I hope that holds up. It’s big too. Big Bevels. Big booty. Big book. I wanted immediately to pawn it and swap it for some kind of netbook, but the dude at the pawn shop wasn’t feeling netbooks. “Junk” was the word he used.

Anyway this will be fine if I can figure out the screen and the chair and the fuck and the shit. Work is only probably going on for the next month or two so this is a good temp fix I guess. Neat little thing for 90 dolares. Of course I get it just as they start removing the streams for the fights. They still exist I’m sure. Or will. The internet is indomitable. Maybe I should post this on one of the fifteen blogs I opened and never used. Maybe I will

bewm. Tumblr. 

The layout of this thing will never stop annoying me. When I look at my own blog I cannot not (nerh?) see my actual blog (instead it takes me to tumblr’s homepage, but also the dates of past posts aren’t visible as far as I can tell.)

But it’s cool in that i can project my feelings onto my distaste for tumblr as opposed to real life things and then spend an entire entry complaining about that til I’m all tuckered out and thusly (nerh?) write the same entry over and over and over again.

the ravens game is on in like half an hour so I might as well not sleep? I am kind of tired. King of janked up schedules (Shed-ules as the game is in olde london towne) I probably won’t even watch most of it. Like I’ll have it on and then I’ll stare at my phone and then, depending on how reclined I am maybe I’ll fall asleep. Alllmost misspelled asleep. 

I ran today today. I’m doing this challenge thingy through my tracker thingy. It’s like 60 k walk/run in a month. Which is like 37 miles I think. And I surpassed that. But like 14 miles was running so, not a huge achievement. The rest came through my wandering around looking for deer and street cats. And one time I used it at the grocery store which is kind of cheating, but the grocery store is a bitch. 

It’s fun and I hope I get a little like internet sticker or something at the end of it. It also wasn’t that hard, but again-kind of bullshit since walking counts and I walk a lot and it hasn’t done much to like have me out here modeling tanks and shit. Like I’d have to double my running to do it legit which besides having to actually really try I don’t know if my knee would hold up. It blew up once during this whole thing for like two days which in my head I kept walking around flexing thinking “over-exertion” but I think it was more like “fat dude in garbage shoes probably fell in a hole” 

But it’s fun and it was one of the only challenges in english. I don’t know why I always think the word challenge has an “a” in it. Like same mistake for 20 years. But yeah, I think this app has like a large eastern european user base.

If I go completely beer-less for the next two weeks or so I might be able to get under 180 for the first time in awhile which would be nice. Not great. But like not like the same whats the word ping pong? flip flop? whatever-back and forth between 200 (yeah I know- marshmallow man) and whatever I am now 180 something. 

I don’t want to diet. I’ve had dramatic weight losses due to injury and illness and jobs in the past so I hope one of those happens   

Jk. I dunno. No bread though? ALL I HAVE IS BREAD

I DON’T EVEN LIKE SWEETS

I do like pizza and burgers and french fries and garden variety charred grease.

My kindle broke. It has thrown me into a deep depression. Or it is forcing me to go to a place to rent a book then return the book to the place and not electronically steal the book. Other than that it’s not bad. Refreshing facebook and twitter endlessly is a little harder which is probably good. I have to charge my phone more this is an exciting blog

Went to the bar on a Wednesday. I missed seth meyers that night so pros/cons

Reading Seinfeldia Watched the big sick

oooOOoOOoo I watched all of the second season of top of the lake in like 40 seconds on my free sample of the ps vue cable streaming thing. Top of the Lake was great Peggy Olsen and Brianne of Tarth! Cable is weird. Watched Tucker Carlson for the first time to feed my rage factory, because that’s healthy.

The Big Sick was pretty great. I dunno if it was as great as a rotten tomatoes 98% everyone nutting all over themselves great, but a solid apatow-ish movie. Kumail is great. Everything is great. Trainwreck wasn’t great. That’s my hot take from 2015. But I think I was in a bad mood and I was waiting to go somewhere so

i hope every player lays face down on the ground during the anthem to give ol plumpface an aneurysm and end this whole charade

I don’t like the appearance of my blog and I also don’t like that tumblr doesn’t give you a direct line to seeing what your crappy-looking blog looks like.

I also found out you can’t go private on tumblr which is super dumb. 

A week later and that post doesn’t look as grim as it was in my head, as I felt in my head.  

I’m all right. The world beat me today. I usually run over myself and the world is like a welcome breath of air mayhaps not quite fresh. But today it was just like sort of negative mean humanity rearing its ugly head. And by that I mean I had a bad experience at both mcdonalds and AND the grocery store which are my two sort of tentative outposts for talking to other people. Chick’s (braincloud on how to possessivfy “chick”) register was broken and my nuggets were shit and not my sundae was messy and spilling all over the car and dude was like “We stopped selling that” in response to my sriracha burger request.

Little things

alright. Here’s the thing, I don’t care if mcdonalds stopped selling the  sriracha burger. It was for my folks, not me and also, like whatever- it sounds bad. However. The commercials are still on tv. They only seemed to start like two weeks to a month ago. I’m staring at a menu and the most prominently featured item is the sriracha burger.

So. like Did the dude not hear me correctly? He was so definitive and yet it was as if mcdonalds had temporarily renamed its store “ sriracha burger sriracha town burger central” and yet

“We  stopped selling that”

So the question is, do I trust him? Because I did. But when I round the corner and he’s some rude dipshit with his radio on as he takes orders and cashiers, both poorly, do I trust him? or is he being a dim jerkoff and thus putting me in a position to be like “Are you sure you stopped carrying it? Because I’m staring at a sign that says sriracha burger in like 198 point font, so I’m skeptical” 

 As a person that has been in the fucking customer service industry forever feel guilt and go “nah, don’t judge, probably a bad day, they probably did immediately stop carrying the burger they just started carrying”

anyway.

As a proud, dyed in my the wool, bleeding heart, cuck, snowflake ❄ liberal, this put real, gross anger and fear in my heart and I'm only like 20 minutes in. If you want to see what muslim panic looks like and ruin your entire goddamn day, I highly recommend this. Alternatively, I do not recommend watching this at 430 in the morning by yourself People are the worst, people are the best, people are all we got  

is what I wrote an hour ago. I deleted it because I am a pussy.

I deleted it because I don’t really want it held it up to scrutiny. It’s an honest thought, but it might be intellectually dishonest in that I have no interest or and more importantly ability to defend it. Not that anyone would really give a shit and I think I am going out of my way to appeal to both sides, I’d just rather play the martyr that I accuse everyone else of being.

Plus, facebook is fucking trash, so.

I’m listening to tegan and sara’s love you to death album which I’ve told myself blows because it is not rock n roll. It is I don’t know. Not great They like did their best album then pivoted towards something that would make them a profitable relevant act.  it makes no so sense at all

I dunno. I’m kind of feeling like I have a lot of stuff wrong lately. I’m seeing more the difference between the right choice and the fun choice. I’ve always seen it but 

the once tegan and sara song white knuckles isnt terrible

ugh

but maybe I have to develop a fucking conscience I also will never be able to spell the word conscience. Con Science. look at that. I’m great at it. 

There’s like a baby sample in the white knuckles song which is very good, the rest is subpar.

I just like their old stuff. I liked my old life. \

There used to be a general optimism, no? We had obama, we had popstars, kanye was crazy but not like worriedly crazy?

Now it’s all shit 

Sainthood is the Tegan and Sara album I think is so great and it came out fucking nine years ago.

gross

whatever, it’s a great fucking album.

accountability 

another word I can’t spell. I was going to say “for the life of me” because I’m 87 years old. 

I was a fat shit this whole weekend. I might run today. New thrones is out via illegal ways but I resisted as I actually have the service so I tried not to be a piece of shit for once.

Instead I watched half a documentary about people being slaughtered in a mall. Real cool. 

maybe I judge too much? rhetorical question. At some point the act gets old. And it’s not an act, I just don’t know another way. Or I do and then I immediately judge it.

anyways, I’m going to lose ten pounds, get sober and employed

like that *snaps fingers* 

shut the fuck up

Oh oh when you say it, So so slowly to me, Oh oh well I keep going, Oh no I ran while knowing, No no I know you need it, So so I need it too, And oh oh I must keep going, So so you must too.

I’m my dog’s third favorite person 

Don't run Don't hide Don't hurt Don't lie Don't breathe Don't try Don't find me, don't find me, don't find me.Don't cringe Don't clinch Don't look Don't flinch Don't know, don't go Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.Somethings so sick about this, My misery is so addictive I'm halfway there with your Northshore from the floor singing to you over my shoulder.Don't sing Don't talk Don't yell Don't laugh Don't think, don't speak, Don't save me, don't save me, don't save meDon't stay Don't plan Don't heal Don't mend Don't take, don't send Don't love me, don't love, don't love meSomethings so sick about this, My misery is so addictive I'm halfway there with your Northshore from the floor singing to you over my shoulder

I broke my phone.

Broke is strong. I got the fuckin update then the update proceeded to cripple my phone so I had to do a hard reset and now I’m back where I was like a weak ago, which really is fine as there was nothing really wrong with my phone. I just like to tinker with new junk. Working new junk. 

Went 4.11 today. The 4.11 is because I misjudged how far away from home I was. To be clear, I do like about half or 2 miles ending in a couple murder hills (see me hedging already) then stop and walkabout for like 5 or 10 minutes then go again. I know, I know. fuck you. I think 4 might be my cap and I’ll gradually move towards finishing that all in one shot. Basically because well A. I’m lazy and B. I’m running out of real estate and am already crisscrossing some less than desirable areas as is and I’d rather have a clean whatever I’m supposed to have, like 40 minute run then be fucking around outside for like an hour. Actually I don’t mind it once. It’s nice like once a week. Subsequently, when I start whining after like five minutes in it’s less desirable. 

After I wrote about this yesterday I hit a “benchmark” fatwise. Which was nice. but I was also totally dehydrated and hadn’t eaten anything real in like 10 hours. Which is the only way I’ll ever get near a scale again. So maybe this will be olde oat’s accountability blog. Probably not. 

It was funny or not funny but weird. I crossed the street at one point during my lil gallivant and unbeknownst to be there was like a dude who was like a better in shape version of me dressed roughly the same (sweaty rags) holding his phone out waiting to be smacked out of his hand like I do. Maybe I should have sought his sage advice.

I also think I was laid off for the first time? Which isn’t totally surprising considering I’ve been getting like zero hours the past month or so. It’s less upsetting know that the company I worked for sort of stopped doing what they are doing and told everyone to eat a dick, and it wasn’t just me personally. Or it was just me personally and the letter was just worded cleverly. They were like “here are some other gigs we hope you apply for.” Of course those other jobs I don’t have the credentials or experience for. Not that I did for this current thing but I kind of slid in under the radar and/or they were just hiring everybody. 

Mostly it’s a bummer because I have to change my current resume which means I have to find a printer. Or I could like put a big red x through like currently employed.  

I watched “The Wizard of Lies” which regardless of subject is just about the worst name for anything ever. It was Deniro as Bernie Madoff (sp?) I enjoyed it although it is pretty dry and leaves you cold which is really what I want out of movie and life. Gimme a grim Deniro slow-burn kirking out on someone who doesn’t deserve it any and every day of the week. If you wanna a fun cliff-notes, just read what happened to the madoff family post-fall. During lunch. or right before you’re supposed to like hula hoop in the park. Then I did some garbage yoga and here I am, great green world.

I have the new tyler. But it’s too early/ late. Little Dragon is music for early/late and their newish album is really strong. Quietly a really consistent band if you’re never really awake.

I did my headspace too. I’ve been doing it for like awhile now and I have no conclusion about this particular dude. Like whatever sort of mindfulness one can do is better than nil, but... I l mean I like his best but that’s also because it’s nice to have one consistent method and, whatever, guide. There is a lil sci-ti pyramid scheme to it though where it’s like well you need to do all this to get to a point where you're even ready to crawl and forget walking for awhile. But a lot of it is “available” at a “discount” or you probably know some nerd who has a sub so maybe it’s like the hbo sharing is caring model. Or a nice gift to let someone special in your life that they are a total neurotic mess.

My phone has been preparing to install updates for about an hour and a half. Not installing, just preparing. I think this is just something my phone says to make me think it’s doing something and isn’t the semi dog-shit burner that is “popular in developing countries” as many reviews said.

So I had to delete most of my apps but who cares to make space for these updates which won’t happen and then i guess redownload them and who cares who cares who cares.

I’m also wearing a neck pillow. It is not mine. I also had to adjust the zoom on my browser. I recently had to renew my license by mail (and by recently I mean it was coming up on a year overdue) and I’m not due in for a vision check for another like 8 years. Joke’s on them. and pedestrians. Jk maybe I’ll get frameless glasses for my friendless life. 

My car is in the shop. Because of the thing from last post and because my car is older than most youtube stars and is probably safest in the shop. I went through insurance for the other woman’s car and as far as I can tell it was a relatively painless process. That is of course before I start sending her clown emojis and like 9/11 truther videos at 430 every morning.

Neck pillow is itchy and constrictive. Not my forte. Got hbo free for a month. Thrones is great Silicon Valley is meh to good, but now I’m stuck, what I am not going to watch it, for free, legally? I dunno what else is on there. I think I’ve seen all the little girl murderer docs and really what else is there.

Update failed for a fifth time. I cannot delete anything else. I deleted an app called “phone” on my phone for this. This is the sum total of my life. I’ll try again. Lord willin and the crick don’t rise.

There was a fight this weekend. A biggie, the last biggie for awhile.(May-Mac is garbage for dumb people, but I’ll watch that too maybe) I sort of didn't appreciate it in the way I would of liked to because with a big thing there’s more people and more excitement and more booze etc. So it turns into more of like a party or the pregame to a party. But since I decided I wanted to roll with a DD because I like my own bed and do not want to talk slurry life philosophies  at 3 am I kinda crammed everything into whatever it ends up being like 4 hours and then it’s just a shitshow and some loud people bring more loud people and somebody’s girlfriend knows all these fighters personally somehow but not their names and so it becomes like “no, the big black one” and suddenly there’s some big dude name mike who I’ve never seen before standing directly behind me giving what I can’t even decipher as good or trash fight commentary. Then it’s sudddenly time to go and I leave my beer behind and I’ll never see it again. 

It was fun but like I like to watch the fights and not be screaming back and forth with dudes named mike about some facts he may have just made up. My own fault. Moderation is not my forte-either.

Updates are at 12%. Things are looking grim. I think once they gave me some shit about well “phone needs a 60 percent charge to blerh dee blew” so of course you burn battery downloading these fairy dust updates and then haven't enough juice to blerh dee blew.

Speaking of phones and beer and things that make me fat-still am rockin it. I’ve been running for likeeeee. jogging,,,,likkkkke I dunno 4 months maybe. Longer than that but then in between I randomly quit for like 3 weeks. But I’ve hit a wall sort of. I’ve unfatted myself a fair amount but not like I am no longer a fat. So I gotta change my diet or quit drinking or both which I should probably do, but then, what’s left?  furreal. People? fuck that

So instead of being rational I’ve decide just to add other old person ineffective work out routines to my repertoire I dunno how that is spelled. I’ve been doing a beginner weights youtube thing for like 6 months so maybe I could bump that up. I also did yoga for the first time in a very long time and it was very much a lot of me crashing to the floor. But it is interesting and engaging in ways that runnning often isn’t

Also tbh my running game is weak. I’m up to like a 4 mile run slowly like once a week and I say I had a “fast” mile one other day. But that’s down from like 3, whatever maybe 2 or 1 1/2s a week. Listen man it’s been fuckin 800 degrees and the sun goes down at 10pm what do you what from me and my chapped thighs.

fuckin givin me a hard time.

Been reading a lot of chandler. I think I’m almost through his original works (there aren’t alot) and I read this book called true crime addict which was probably my favorite book this year. I have some other shit on hold at the library but as I said car is in the shop and this is at the library in the wrong part of town so I dunno how I feel about huffin it. Is that what people say? huffin it? heelin it?

I got meditation tapes too. I’m primed to be the fittest most literate zened out boring maniac who yells into the internet void perpetually ever.

the dog days. the ides of july, the doldrums. 

94% so now I just have to prepare to prepare to install

my youth is dead.

Not that trainspotting represented me or that I identified with it in any important way. There was just a period in high school where people had like 3 dvds and they were probably the hyper-subversive hyper-violent hyper-druggy hyper-sexual used copies that best buy would sell to 15 year olds. So it was like: fight club, trainspotting, and inexplicably, like american history x and super troopers

t2 is fine. it’s great in a lot of spots. danny boyle is great at filming really cool music video and splicing them into feature films. It was an okay movie about getting the band back together and watching them graduate into middle age if that is your bag,

I rearended some woman. She was nice. Some stopped short in front of her and driving the less than desirable vehicle that I do my slam, swerve, scream tactic of defensive driving wasn’t good enough. In the short term this ruins my whole life.In the long term it’s putting a stamp on a series of garbage summers, with some intermediate exceptions

It was my first accident involving another person in like 12 years? So it was weird. She was cordial, maybe even exceedingly nice. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just judging that on my personal scale of considering the odds of peeling out and testing the damn law.

I wouldnt have done that. I was facing the curb and my car was like apart of her car at the point. “Peeling out” does not involve clunky reversing and signaling to change lanes.

but yeah 

trash old summer.

was my last post not bitching>

what an anomaly  

kicks a hole in the monitor. breaks keyboard. kicks hole in own face

I haven’t posted on here in what I thought was a year but was actually October.  This makes me not want me to post here because I thought I had greater distance from the great trump-rage-shame-spiraling of 16. But work was canceled and I quit facebook so what the fuck else do people do? 

haha tumblr has a tab that pops up that reads “let people answer this” when you type a question? Charming. I hate it. 

Anyway, so I am picking up on my long and illustrious history of talking about not wanting to write anything and then pivoting to criticize whatever platform I am not writing on. 

I made my grand return to the internet to encourage you, dear reader, to watch the movie War Machine. I’ve been out of school long enough that I forget the AP way of way of way of? Punctuating? I’ve been out of school long enough that I don’t know words. I liked War Machine War Machine War Machine. I. fuck. how do you turn it off  Brad Pitt is cool. I wasn’t really expecting much because it seemed like it was billed as Brad Pitt’s Grand Return to Broad Comedy that no one was asking for. But it’s really about Stanley Mcchrystal’s fall from grace due to a rolling stone article where he’s all “Obama is a realll pain in my Obummer, I’ll tell you hw-what” something to that effect. Google it. It was also an opportunity for pitt to make a real choice in affecting a funny run. It might actually be a military sort of run. I looked up “why is Brad Pitt running funny” (because when I watch movies I believe they are happening in real time) and I didn’t get a satisfactory answer. Also among the questions that google auto completed or whatever was “Why is Brad Pitt left handed?” I imagine masses of forlorn teenagers with really specific beliefs about the sinister side turning to their devices for answers. Or one dude, compulsively, every day. And that dude is me.

what

But it was an interesting story that I didn’t really know. It had cool flashes. It had Brad Pitt doing his Weird Run to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_hOR50u7ek which convinced me I am actually really smart and have a dormant love for classical music even though I don’t know any classical music. So I’ve been listening to classical music mixes on youtube and I hate everything. It’s all boring or it’s like “the saber dance” listen to the saber dance and imagine you had a friend and like that was their favorite song and all they did was talk about the saber dance all the time.They went on etsy and commissioned a saber dance tshirt. Their twitter handle was saberdanceboi69. The twitter timeline was mostly abandoned save for a few posts in March 2013 about some exciting saber dance news. “Could Saber Dance be coming to tulsa???? #SaberDance #FingersCrossed” 

It wasn’t. It wasn’t ever coming to tulsa and then that friend changed jobs and you guys promised to hang and maybe like go to an indoor soccer game. But fuck that guy.  

The one song I like, ever, of any song, I can never remember the name of. it’s like “Valley of the Trolls” or “Troll Valley” 

hah! got it! googled “valley of the dwarfs” and I fuckin’ got it Grieg- “In the Hall of the Fuckin’ Mountain King,Bitch” It must have had something to do with Dwarfs in a valley fighting trolls because I don’t know how else that connection was made. I imagine it being like an old timey version of popular American board game don’t wake daddy. But with trolls. fuckin’ around in the hall of the mountain king where they know damn right where they  aren’t a‘posed to be. Then the king wakes up. Cymbals.Cymbals. A troll with the back of his goddamn dome blown out. 

Another dwarf widow. Another fatherless dwarf child. Who will never grow any taller than his current size.

I read an article about one of the world’s tallest men. Like the old timey kind. Freakshow shit. And he used to like pick his father up and place him on the second floor of their humble home. 

I think Donald trump is a bad person.

I don’t think he is necessarily bad due to his business dealings (although to most accounts they are largely questionable?)

I think Donald Trump is a bad person because he has the gall to to seek the United States’ highest publicly elected position.

I had not given much thought  about Donald Trump before 2014. He is and was a joke, he’s fluke, he’s representative of of a flailing republican party that has been dying for new blood since the now, more sympathetic, George W. Bush left office/

And yet he embodies all the disgusting, gross parts of the GOP and none of the, maybe, sort of, reasonable blue collar partisan portions. He barely pretends to care either way

I’m not a policy wonk. I don’t understand tax or labor code.Here’s something I do very well understand - shittily coded racism.

I have lived in Baltimore City all of my life. Race is an issue, race is the issue. But blindly throwing out epithets, (and yeah “hombre”  no one misunderstood what you were saying) does not appeal to me. What, god forbid I say this, appears you are trying to do is scream LAW AND ORDER  at your base which, ya’know, would favor “law and order” as opposed to like , maybe we refrain from killing unarmed people of certain skin color you have little affection for in the middle of the fucking street.

 This is isn’t intended to parse case by case.As relevant as BLM is, there are still citizens abusing that movement, grasping at it as a tactic to indict law enforcement officers who protect us day by, hour by hour. So shouting “Law and Order” without any cogent followup or rationale should and does ring as hollow as any of his death knells. Shit requires nuance, yaknow? Have you ever thought of Donald Trump and nuance in the same sentence?

I’ve got television shows and novels to attend to. I have a family and friends that like me more or less. I’d like to keep my heart rate up and not die before 60. and yet

And yet 

That candidate is a unrepentant liar. He is is shill. He is a not only a betrayal to our democratic process, but to the Republican Party on whole. He is a Russian nationalist puppet. He has and continues to champion racism, misogyny and dangerous nationalization. He is a a lazy pig, am attention-seeking  entitled boar and what’s worse a dispassionate candidate for the presidency of our country.

I’m a total whore for tabloid stories but this one has reached its zenith

what a motherfucker. I for real typed a long sort of coherent post about what I’ve been doing for a eleven months then I knocked my mouse on the floor and the page refreshes and everything is KAPUT. Didn’t tumblr used to save drafts automatically every few minutes or was that just google docs?

fuck it. This new stupid box I’ve been given to type my post in saves no drafts. My last draft mentioned “going to class”

Who goes to school.

Morons. that’s who

Anyway, I was on here eleven months ago and now I’m back and I’m going to leave again because SHIT like deleting a long post happens.

yeah. a curse word in caps. you heard. read.whatever

Anyway go back and read that post that doesn’t exist if you wanna know what I’ve been up to. Short version no job, job, no job, nothing, look for new job, complain about tumblr.

I’ve actually for once have a busy day today which is for sure why I’m posting instead of tending to the day (which is not a phrase). CVS just called like five times in a row. I wonder if I need to go save someone at CVS by using my specialized literary analysis skills, Probably

blaahhhhhh. I’m reading “Wolf Hall” tumblr used to allow html now it’s some stupid pop out which I don’t understand which accounts for this weird indentation. nm took it out who cares.

Anyway I’m not enjoying it per se but I don’t dislike it. It’s weird. In a way I imagine what it’s like reading a Game of Thrones book. Like an incredibly slow burn. Like way slow.because that’s how I see the shoow?? Like a lot of buildup and a few climatic incredible moments. But in TV it works becauuusse like there is character development.... and my internet just went off. dope. I can’t articulate this well anyway. yet.

I don’t know why I made a comparison to a book series I have never read. I think what I’m saying is this; in books like Game of Thrones I imagine, based on the show, that there is a huge amount of intricate and elaborate world building, so much so that I’d assume some of the finer points of character development must be lost. I don’t think it’s possible to create a whole world complete with unique countries each with its own specific history and culture and still be able to have a cast of fully formed characters. But then again, fuck, like the show does and that doesn’t come from nowhere but maybe that’s due to actors acting I dunno. It was a stupid analogy but it is too late to go back now. I cant risk knocking over my mouse again.

But then again now that I think about it, maybe wolf hall is genius in that it seems like this kind of tease of a story built to set up a sequel but it is so subtle in gradually dropping little nuggets of characterization that the reader doesn’t realize it is happening. I don’t know. I don’t get it. and I dont like it butt I dooo.

I’m going to my brother’s tonight to watch the conor mendes fight. The card’s good. It’s kind of stressful going down there in that I can’t walk there or just drive my car onto someone’s lawn and call it parking but it’s a nice mix of hanging out with whatever homies that I have coming and some of his crowd and it’s a hip area

Anne Romney has a cookbook

in case anyone was interested. I was looking to rent a documentary about Mitt's run for president entitled "Mitt" but had no luck. However, I did find out that Anne (maybe Ann) has a cookbook, so there's that.

I think I lost the ability to write. I haven't really had to write anything formally for like seven or eight months. In the interim I put together a fairly rambling entry into an MMA essay contest (yes, that is a thing) and a fairly rambling resume. Smart people helped me edit both but the edits sort of accentuated how dumb I've become. My resume kind of read like what a six year old sounds like when explaining how his day was (which come to think of it is probably more entertaining than most adults doing the same). 

So I just sit around and watch TV box sets all day with the occasional break to watch Jeopardy. And I'm great. If existence is meaningless why bothering trying to plumb it with fancy words and half-baked philosophy? Luther is on! Idris Elba is kicking down a door and I heard somewhere that IRL he was channeling some heartbreak over a relationship gone sour into said door-kicking. 

But naw, I'm just kidding yall.