barbie, eat your heart out.

have you seen my wife?

ok well im going to build a good future for myself whether i like it or not

being in love with ur friend like entirely platonically is insane. like. hey, i love you so much by the way. i carry a part of you in me, so if were apart ill still do things that will remind me of you because i got it from you. hey man i know were talking right now but i miss you. i love you

"your honour, i love them" i say about a character i would fistfight in real life

I’m a lover by nature except for when I’m a wretched hater cunt bitch which I also am by nature

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

having to ask people if you’re still hanging out is one of the worst things ever . like is our playdate still on? im gonna stab myself

so fucked up that i have to take care of my body everyday. what if sometimes i feel sad about the maintenance