august slipped away

TIARA BELL ---> 24 --> REPAIR SHOP EMPLOYEE --> ECHO CREEK

Species: Fae Sexuality: Pansexual Pronouns: She/Her Favorite Song: jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo Big Three: Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising

Tiara nodded her head, being unable to look her twin in the eye. She should have went to Perie sooner, she knew that, she just...didn’t want to show her twin that she was an absolute fuck-up. Despite the time that has passed everything still felt so new and so raw and all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never ever come out. She knew Perie could help ease that pain and even so she still wanted to run. She still felt like she had to run. “I don’t know what else to do,” she said, her breath hitching a bit as she choked on a sob. “I don’t know where to go or who to be and I just can’t...things won’t ever be the same anymore and I don’t know how to let go...What do I do, Per? I don’t know what to do.” @periewynkle

Tiara shook her head stubbornly. She knew that some people were going to be mad at her, she knew some were going to be disappointed in her future actions, but she had really hoped that no one would try and keep her where she should not be. She should have known in hindsight that Cubby letting her leave once was a stroke of luck. The sweetest of the lost boys, her sweet Cubby. “I can’t...” she said, her voice cracking. “I would love...I would love to stay and for everything to be okay...but it’s not okay and it won’t be the more I fester in it....I have to...I have to go, Cubby. And I need you to let me go...” She sighed, wiping her face of the tears that were falling. “You...You are gonna be okay....You have the boys and Wendy even....and the fairies....You’re gonna be just fine and it’s gonna be so okay and before you know it.....you won’t even notice I haven’t been around.” She forced a smile. She didn’t want Cubby to be sad about her decision because it wasn’t his fault she was making it. She needed to heal and she needed to figure out who she was and Cubby did nothing wrong. “Please let me go, Colin....” @colincubby

The last person who Wendy expected to see at her door was the one who she saw out the peephole window. Ever since Peter had told her that the two had kissed, and that he had no intention of pursuing anything further with Tiara, she hadn’t expected to hear from the other girl ever again. Somehow, this would be spun to be Wendy’s own fault, despite being the one who had kissed someone entirely different at midnight. She didn’t regret the moment with Colin one bit, but Wendy had wished that Peter had gone about leaving all of his feelings to the wayside for everyone else’s happiness much differently. She had a feeling that Tiara shared the same sentiment.

Wendy swung open the door after sucking in a breath, stepping aside almost as easily as Tiara had let her into her own apartment. She couldn’t tell if Tiara’s eyes were heavy from sleep deprivation or crying, but knowing her, it was probably a mix of the two. All Wendy gave was a nod of her head before shutting the door behind the two. Taking a reluctant seat on her couch, all she could blurt was, “I’m so sorry he did that to you.” She wasn’t sure what else to add, but it was clear that Wendy shared in her hurt. “He, um, told me what happened.”

-

The old Tiara would tense up and be ready to fight at Wendy’s words. She would be ready to deny or defend him or completely lose her mind because he told her. The old Tiara would be so hurt that he told her. But the Tiara she was now? She didn’t have the energy for any of that. She didn’t have the emotional capacity to do it. All she could do was shove her hands in her pockets and nod. Of course Wendy knew because he picked her. He told her as much. She was the one he wanted and she had to accept that. And she planned on it. It just....wasn’t going to be right now. Not until she was gone.

She didn’t sit down or get comfy. She didn’t think she was going to be very long. “Look, don’t apologize,” she began, taking a deep breath. “I mean just like....stop that for a minute. Before you start the I had no idea he would do that stuff. I’m not here to talk about Peter. I am here to tell you...to tell you...well, that I’m sorry. I’m sorry we couldn’t be friends and I’m sorry I was mean to you and I’m sorry that this got so out of control...” She was blushing furiously and looking at the ground so that it wasn’t so obvious. “I’m leaving Echo Creek for a while to clear my head and stuff. I just....need to not be here. And I didn’t want to go without...telling the people all this mess is involved in. So umm...this is goodbye, Wendy Darling.”

.

Colin had been on a high he’d never felt before since New Years. He’d finally shared a kiss with Wendy, and it was all he could think about. Nothing could kill the happiness he was feeling, or so he thought. He was still in his work uniform as he got to the boys’ apartment building, unsure of which of the guys would be home as he got there. It was funny, how even though they lived together they didn’t see each other all that often, especially as things started feeling so weird between them all. He was tired of the tension, though, and wanted the new year to bring them back together somehow.

Seeing Tiara outside the apartments was a surprise, and he shot her a smile. He’d just been thinking about her, actually. She’d been awfully quiet lately, and he had been curious to know how she’d been since they last talked. His smile faded as he noticed her expression, though. Was something wrong? She was quick to pull him into a hug, and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, giving her a light squeeze as he said, “Hey Ti, what’s up?” His eyes lit up slightly as she handed him the gift bag, glancing inside as she described what was inside. “This is so nice, you didn’t have to—” but he stopped as he heard her continue. “Something awful? What do you mean?” He knew something was wrong as soon as he’d seen her, and now he felt worry forming in the pit of his stomach. “Did another post come out? Did something happen?” He asked, his tone filled with concern. He put a hand on her shoulder, as if scared she was gonna run off if he didn’t keep her right there. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

-

She hated that look in his eyes. Like he knew she was running away and he wanted to stop her. She wished he could stop her. Tiara knew better than that though. No one could really stop her when things got like this. When she needed to find herself again and try to let go a lot of her past so she could move forward. It wasn’t a forever goodbye. It was just a temporary one. And as much as she wished things couldn’t be this way, she knew that it had to be. Colin would understand. He had to.

“No, there wasn’t another post. Yet. I don’t know it could be any minute.” Tiara ran a hand through her hair. She wanted to shrug off his grip on her but if she did she knew she wouldn’t say what she needed to say and would just run away now. She could feel herself getting restless and anxious about it already. “I just...I need to go away for a little while. I umm...things are really messed up right now and I need time to process it and find myself again. I have to...I have to do this. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the right thing to do. I...I can’t keep feeling like this, Col. This can’t be all that I am....It just can’t be.”

Wendy was the last person Tiara went to. After emotionally destroying herself over and over with the lost boys, she saved the cherry on top of everything for last. The girl she could have maybe been friends with one day. The girl she had wasted her time hating because she was too stubborn to admit to herself that Peter was never going to choose her. She knew where she lived because of Peter, funny enough. The two had come and picked her up before, whisking her away to some game night at the lost boy’s place or any other ridiculous event the boys could come up with last second. Those memories weren’t even old, but they felt that way to Tiara now. She felt so far removed from it all that it felt like it happened eons ago. 

The only thing that was fresh was her pain. Peter kissing her and breaking her heart right after being her final straw. She couldn’t keep doing this to herself and everyone around her. She couldn’t keep turning into this creature that felt so far from herself that she couldn’t even stand to look in the mirror. So she was ending things. On her terms. She knocked on the girl’s door and took a step back to wait for an answer. Her eyes were defeated and she was honestly long overdue for sleep, but it was okay. She needed to get this done. When Wendy opened the door she put her hands up in surrender. She didn’t have any fight left in her. “Can we talk for a moment?”

She had waited for Colin to come home, sitting outside the apartment complex the lost boys all lived at with a gift in her hands. She knew this was going to be one of the hardest things she ever did and she wanted to make sure she did it quickly and gently. None of this has been easy and Tiara knew there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to numb her enough to do it. She has been talked to like there was another solution but the thing with Tiara was that when she got an idea in her head, there was no going back. She needed to separate herself from Peter and sadly that meant the boys as well. She was never going to be able to find herself in this labyrinth of hurt and jealousy and bitterness until she did it and she was convinced that was that. 

When she spotted Colin and his good natured grin, she felt her chest tighten. She had to do this. She stood up and went over to him, pulling him into a tight hug before quickly pulling away. “Hey, um, Colin, I got you this...” She held out the gift bag she had been carrying with her since this afternoon. “It’s umm...It’s a new notebook for the...the poetry. And some pens..real fancy ones...I just...I couldn’t bear not doing something nice before I do something awful...but I have to do it so....before gg tries to twist everything around I wanted to...I wanted to take control of my narrative.”

.

Peter surprised himself by seeing Tiara’s face looking back at him. The wonder in the back of his head, of him finally kissing his bestfriend, had now finally been answered. Peter chuckled while his drunken gaze sat on her, grateful that her presence had made him less lonely. “I’m sorry, I’m not Nolan.” He shook his head, putting both hands on her cheeks. “I love you to death, but I never want to lose you.” Peter placed his forehead against hers, a soft movement in tune with the music in the background. The poison in his veins had silenced his thoughts and numbed his senses. He was too drunk to comprehend what had just happened, though in Peter’s head, he was just more than glad to have a companion. He had chosen the path where loving was a grown-up thing to do, a choice he allowed to slip from his hands. “I messed us up, Tiara. Did I? I messed us up.” His hands finally slid down, putting both palms on his face. “I wasted your love for me, because I cannot give it back the way you want me to. You mean more to me than words can explain, but I can’t, I tried—but I can’t.” He shook his head, afraid to see the hurt in her eyes. The guilt of hurting Tiara Bell always haunted him, and yet he couldn’t do anything. In the end, Wendy’s face plagued his thoughts, despite finally letting her go.

“If you’re mad at me, I can understand. I don’t know what to say, but I don’t intend on hurting you further. I’m not going to be with Wendy, if that clears anything up. I just hope you won’t leave, that you’ll still see me.” It was true that Peter finally took a step back. If he were to choose Wendy, Tiara would get hurt. If there was one thing Peter had learned, it was that he could change his actions but not his heart. The choice was for the better, to leave only him as the sole bearer of pain, as was intended by a real captain of the Lost Boys. “I’m still Peter Pan, ain’t I? I’m that boy who came knocking on your window…. and even with all this, I’m still the same kid who knew you.”

-

It was like time had just...stopped. One second Tiara was feeling like something was going right and that he finally saw her and made his choice. And then he did this. He tried to warm her up, that much was obvious. And there was a smile on her face until he confessed to messing up. She was about to reassure him that while things with Nolan were complicated that she was willing to give it a shot because she owed that to them and then he just decided to stab her in the heart instead. Tiara Bell was a lot of things; she was messy, she was jealous, she was a scrapper at times, and she was so deeply loyal to the people she cared about because she loved them with her entire being. What she was not? Someone who cried in front of others. She hadn’t realized the tears had even started falling from her eyes until she had tried to wipe her eyes without thinking. Even in this moment where it felt like her heart and youth were shattering before her eyes, she tried to conceal her tears for herself only. It had always been Tiara and Peter. Peter and Tiara. She had loved him since she was a little girl who believed that everything he did was magic and that helping him fly was the best way to show it. Stupid, naïve, little girl. She should have known he was never going to love her the way that she wanted him to.

The way she needed him to.

The slap came so fast and so swiftly that Tiara didn’t even register it until she looked down at her shaky hand, tender from connecting with Peter’s cheek. She was so mad it just turned into downright hurt. How could he do this to her? He knew everything. He knew everything there was to know and he still did this to her. “I don’t even...I’m not even mad anymore. I’m feeling a lot, but you don’t deserve to know. How could you?” She took a step back from him, almost bumping into a stranger in the process. “You can have anything in the world. Why did you take from me something you can never give back?” She held her hands close to her chest and closed her eyes for a moment. She needed to get out of here, that was certain, but she couldn’t even think. All she could do was feel. And everything hurt. It hurt so bad she didn’t know if she would ever not feel this way. “Get away from me Peter....get away from me and never come near me again...I....I don’t believe in you anymore! And I never will again!”

Wendy typically didn’t drink straight out of the bottle like Tiara was doing, but it was going to have to suffice for now. She took a small swig of the vodka and made a sour face, nearly letting out a choke before swallowing it with a shake of her head. She listened to Tiara’s admission as she struggled to recover, needing the kick to help process all of this. “Me? Oh, gosh, no, I have no idea who they are. I don’t know why they’d want to help me.” The last thing she’d want was for any of this to come out in her name, but it was all already done. “I haven’t talked to Peter since any of this happened, either. I haven’t spoken to anyone, actually. You’re the first one I came to,” she admitted sheepishly. “If there’s anything I can do to help–anything I can say to anyone, if you just want someone to talk to, I’m here for you. I know you might not want it, but it’s there.”

-

Tiara was a little relieved to hear she wasn’t friends with this gossip blogger. If she had been, well, there was no way there wasn’t going to be a physical altercation brewing with the way gg was messing with her and her friends lives. That would be cruel, even too cruel for Wendy, so her not being involved made her relax the tiniest of bits. “Really? You went to me first? I guess that’s fair detective work. Gotta fact check before you start to shit talk, right?” She looked at her. Really looked at her. “Why do you want to help me so badly? I can handle it myself, firstly, but I just...I do not get you at all, Wendy Darling.”

.

Although Cubby wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it, he definitely wasn’t mad or upset at Tiara. If anything, it was almost a relief to hear that he hadn’t been the only one with a secret, even though the depths of those secrets were hardly comparable. Still, he could sense that Tiara had some pent up guilt, just like he had, and he felt for her. “Yeah, we don’t, we don’t have to —” Cubby entirely agreed, shaking his head. “What? No,” his eyebrows suddenly narrowed, putting a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “I don’t think you’re a questionable person, Ti. I can’t make any promises on how Peter would feel about it, but .. I’m still here.”

-

Tiara hated that everyone went to Peter and how he felt. If anyone actually knew what Peter felt, maybe this would have came out sooner. Maybe she wouldn’t feel more anxious about the other lost boys finding out more than she was about him. “I don’t think Peter is gonna do anything more than be a bit hypocritical and trying to pretend it never happened. You know. If he ever finds out.” She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “At the same time...why would it bother him? He hasn’t shown any signs that he actually likes me more than...whatever. So why should it matter?”

Wendy was a bit surprised that the other had let her inside without much of a protest. She thought she would’ve had to argue and prove that she really wasn’t there to judge her, that she really just wanted to hear from the source itself what had happened between her and Nolan. Reluctantly following her inside, it dawned on Wendy that she’d never actually been inside her house, and that she wasn’t sure she ever would be if it weren’t for coming and nearly demanding entry.

“Of course I care about how you feel,” she said, as though it were obvious. Despite their differences, she still cared about Tiara because she was also Peter and the boys’ best friend. Taking a seat on the couch, Wendy paused, carefully thinking about her words before speaking. “I, um, wanted to ask how you were doing, following what was written. I don’t know if it was true or not, I won’t judge either way, I promise. I just hope you’re okay, but … sorry, are you drinking that? Not that I care, I, um, could use some, if you don’t mind.”

-

Tiara still didn’t buy it. Maybe Wendy was just too curious to know what that meant for the Peter stuff, but to just care about her feelings like that? She was going to be skeptical. She scooted the bottle closer to Wendy. She was going to drink it, she was going to throw it back like it was nothing, really, but she would let Wendy have some. It was the least she could do. “Where to start. Yes. All of the rumors are true. I have hooked up with Nolan. Not like, yesterday or anything, but within the year, sure,” she wasn’t giving more details than that. “I’m fine! It’s not like it did anything but make things extra awkward. I’m awaiting Peter’s probably passive or hypocritical response!” She ran a hand through her hair. “Are you tight with this gossip person? I’m asking since, y’know, they made it seem like they were trying to help you out.”

“i guess it’s a shitty thing to say, i don’t know. i can’t deny that i don’t feel the same way, because i do. who wants to deal with this kind of situation? it pretty much sucks any which way you look at it.”  no matter what, in the end, it felt like everyone ended up hurt. it did not matter how many times anyone tried to tell him otherwise either because nolan felt like this was all his fault and he hated himself for it. he was just thankful that she didn’t seem to hate him. “not to be a smartass at a time like this, but,” he smiles a little, “that’s technically two questions.” nolan reached out to take her hands in his, scooting a bit closer to her, leaning in so only she could hear him, “is shitty of me to say that i don’t regret it?  if i went back in time knowing this would all blow up, i would warn you about it, sure, but in the end i would do it all over again.” he gives her hands a little reassuring squeeze just before letting them go, leaning back to give her back her space, he hoped she believed him. 

nolan didn’t hesitate to reach for his drink the moment it arrived,  simply because he hadn’t realize how thirsty he was until the beverage was presented to him. after a hefty swig of his drink he placed the cup back down next to him and reached for one of the shots of rum. “i always used to get made fun of because of how much i listened to you, but i never really cared, i’ve always thought you were a neat person with cool ideas. i still do.” he looks over at her for a second before quickly taking the shot back, smiling as it warms his core all the way down to his stomach. “you wouldn’t happen to know where to go from here, would you?”

-

tiara was about to say that this was the perfect time to be a smartass, but she kept her mouth shut so he could speak. she was glad he didn’t have any regrets about what had happened. she knew she probably should desire the opposite kind of reaction, but she couldn’t help feel the way she felt. with everything going on, nol has been the first person to be straightforward with her. to most that probably felt like a small tiny part of the bigger picture, but to tiara that was the bigger picture. clarity. all she wanted was for people to be honest with her and tell her how they felt about it all. his hands were warm in hers and when they were gone she frowned for a moment, but shook her head still. “i don’t....i don’t regret it either.”

taking shots with nolan should have felt like a bad idea., but instead it felt like one of the very first right ones she has ever made in a long time. the way he talked about her made her blush, and she thought that was because she was being a bit embarrassed because he was always saying how she was a bit reckless and stuff, but now she wonders if there was more to it. if there has always been more to it, more to nolan, and she just was too dumb to see the whole picture. “i do have the coolest ideas. like taking as many shots as we can until we need pixie dust to walk.” she took another shot to kickstart that grand idea of hers. she didn’t think the logistics yet, but still. “i think you’re the smartest lost boy out there, so, take that as you will.” at his next question she hesitated for a moment. “i...know a way we could go. if we wanted to...but i don’t know. i don’t want you to feel like i’m saying this because i’m giving in to some rumors or some hype i just....i like you a lot, nol. i mean, aside from the friendship and the fact that you’re my partner in crime most of the time. i can’t pretend that i don’t....i will always love peter. but peter....peter doesn’t want to change how things are. and i don’t want things to change crazy either. but i don’t want to miss having a shot with a really cool guy because i was waiting on someone to love me when i could really start...loving someone else.” she gave him a small smile before grabbing another shot. “i’m gonna need like four more of these before you answer my next question....” she mumbles, downing another. “but umm...did you....have feelings....for me? it’s okay if you don’t...i just....need to know....”