a dime a dozen

“…Okay. I’m good. Just… got distracted.”

Understatement of the year. Still, considering possible reasons while he was waiting for her to explain herself did well enough to distract him from the previous pit he’d dug himself into. Maybe she was one of the ‘hot and cold’ sorts? Or perhaps she was just stupid. Or maybe he was. 

Granted, this had all started because she had tried to mug him and now they were in a tree screaming about perfectly defeatable bugs they should have expected to be there to begin with, so the correct response was both of them. They were both absolute idiots and that tidbit of self awareness wasn’t worth dwelling on when she was already calling out another Pokemon. 

He’d half a mind to think he missed something as ‘Nobunaga’ emerged and she snatched his wrist, but it was only after a lingering moment of confusion that the water type seemed to share that she actually bothered to explain herself.

 “Okay, wait, hold on, lemme get this straight. You’re– ”

Ultimately, he ended up cutting himself off with a strangled whuh?! that sounded more like a bark than a cry of surprise as the nutball of a pirate launched them both out of the branches and onto her Pokemon. He couldn’t have said if the impact had damaged it at all, but he had called an apology to it by name anyway before covering his face with an arm as they bounced off its surface and into the brush. Cupcake had swooped after them, calling after the humans in concern.

Having long since gotten used to being thrown around, Barker made a quick recovery from the landing; the surface wasn’t particularly hard, and within a few split seconds, both of them were back on their feet. The Sewaddle would probably take longer to get down than they would to get up, at least; if they’d seen where they’d fallen in the first place, it would probably still take a moment for the smaller, untrained Pokemon to get their bearings.

“…Well played, Stripes. sniiiiff.”

Provided she hadn’t intended to run off the moment she was up, Baker turned towards Leilani and gestured towards the Wailmer they’d landed on.

She brushed off some of the twigs and leaves that had gotten on her and stashed away her Wailmer’s Poké Ball. The Sewaddle were still disoriented, but they would surely return. Even though she was on the ground now, she didn’t feel like fighting them off.

With all the excitement behind her, it slowly began to dawn on Leilani that patrol was not over yet. She had yet to find any Devon scientists, and an early return would mean noogies from Archie and bathroom cleaning duty. She shuddered at the thought. Unfortunately, it was clear that Barker didn’t have anything of value on him, nor did she feel like robbing him anymore. She just wanted to go home and hit the hay.

“God, I am so boned,” she murmured. “Should’ve stuck to my damn studies.” She looked around, wondering how deep in the forest they were exactly. She had no idea, but the woods weren’t that big. It was basically impossible to get lost in them. Leilani sighed and resigned to her fate of intense noogies and cleaning Team Aqua’s bathrooms.

“A’ight, well, I dunno ‘bout you, but I’m so totally over this fucking forest. I need a hot bath and relaxation. Sorry for trying to mug you, I guess. We’re totally fuckin’ even, though, since you sneezed in my face ‘n all. You could tell the cops ‘bout me, but it’s useless. Hoenn cops aren’t worth shit, they can’t possible make a dent in Team Aqua. ‘Sides. doesn’t seem like dealin’ with criminals is a very new experience enough if you’re ballsy enough to cross me.” She boasted about Team Aqua as if the group’s arguably meager achievements somehow counted as her own. But she was very conceited, after all. Gotta compensate somehow.

To receive one of these from my muse

❤  - A kiss

☣  - A punch

☀  - A hug

✘  - A push

☠  - A slap

☻  - A present

♘  - A piggyback ride

❀  - A bouquet of flowers

But he still had his pride and a desire not to die from his embarrassing pollen allergies, so when she shot down his plan in favour of her own, it was all he could do but stubbornly sit there and scoff.

“That would work if there was only one of them, but this– sniff– is a horde, dumbass. The point of focus would be off and none of ‘em would get confused.”

As she swore, he followed her gaze, gritting his teeth. Why did he have to be the one to do something? Still, she had a point, he supposed - he did have a Pokemon with a type advantage, and he wasn’t in a position to run or talk his way out of this one. 

“Zubat, I….”

The name was wrong in his mouth, but the sheer thought of actually giving the order brought a chill over him and made the words die on his tongue. 

“I’m going to need you to….”

But a part of Leilani believed that no one was bitter by nature. Thus, she resisted knocking Barker out of the tree for a little longer while Barker stared his Zubat in the eyes. Not that Zubat had any eyes, but it seemed to know where its Trainer’s face was anyway. It was almost endearing, but something about it made Leilani feel uneasy. Maybe it was because he failed to noticed her yelling when a Sewaddle was swinging dangerously close to his face.

Suddenly, Barker snapped out of it, launching himself back upon noticing the Sewaddle. His unpredictable movement startled Leilani so badly that she almost lost her balance and fell off the branch, but she managed. Finally, those ballet lessons back home paid off.

A fierce Air Cutter sent their six-legged adversary plummeting down, but the other Sewaddle kept climbing. Team Aqua Grunts also often used Zubat, but Leilani did not have one, something that she regretted a little at the moment. Maybe she’d ask Archie or Matt about it. She ignored Barker for a second to think of a way she could scare off the Sewaddle, but she couldn’t think of anything. Unless...

“Okay, Bubbleglum. First of all, you okay? My words gettin’ through to you ‘n shit? Those little fuckers aren’t gone just yet, but I got a plan.” Leilani reached for her Poké Balls. She grabbed her Wailmer’s Poké Ball and tried to hide her giddiness. She failed miserably.

“Nobunaga, you’re up!” Whoops, slip of the tongue. Oh well. She threw the ball in the air, sending out the Pokémon, which immediately dropped to the ground and bounced around before coming to a halt. It caught the Sewaddle’s attention, but only for a little while. Confused, Leilani’s Wailmer looked up, wondering why its Trainer had called it out in the forest. Leilani turned back to Barker and grabbed his wrist.

“Alright, listen up. Here’s the plan. We can’t beat those bugs from where we are now, although your Zubat did a pretty kickass job at fucking up that li’l shit just now. So props to your badass little bat. Anyway, I suggest we fuckin’ run for it. On the count of three, we jump, and my Wailmer will ensure a soft landing. Pretty easy, you sea? See, I mean.”

She gazed down at her Wailmer, asking it to properly catch the two of them. Her being Leilani and all, she did not wait for Barker’s response.

“Three.”

He didn’t dignify her victory with much more than an irritated, incomprehensible grumble, but the confirmation was more than enough when his eyes started to get irritable and watery again. Instinctively, he reached up to wipe them, scowl returning to its rightful place across his miserable mug.

“…Why do I gotta be the sacrifice, uh? I get sneezy n’ shit from just be-be–bbbAACHOO!–… in the same area. sniff, All you gotta do is not get bit.”

He hadn’t entirely expected an answer to that, although he was sure he’d get some smarmy nonsense about how she was objectively the more valuable person here in response. He wasn’t quite in a mood or mindset to argue the matter… or even really think of much, in all honesty. Scrubbing at his eyes again, he turned what was left of his vision through his allergy-induced teary eyes downward. They… were getting closing in on the trunk now, and doubtlessly had the ability to climb it.

“… They’re so small. Can’t we just–sniiiiff– drop a branch n’ crush ‘em or somethin’?”

Leilani suppressed her nausea and looked down again. “A branch, huh? Better plan. Have that li’l bat of yours use Supersonic on ‘em like you did with my dear, sweet, precious Jea– I mean, Mightyena. When they retreat, we dash out of this tree like our goddamn asses are on fire.”

“And no complaining. I ain’t got jack shit on me that can take those fuckers out, if the nautical getup didn’t give it away.” She tried to look as hard-boiled as she could, but she felt her stomach turn. I HATE THE FOREST I HATE THE FOREST I HATE THE FOREST was all that was going through her head.

His Camerupt bounded towards him, the lava on its back bubbling with vigour. The Magma leader petted his partner and looked around for the source of trouble. He located a young girl in Aqua getup and he smiled at the sight before him. 

“Salutations.”

No doubt she was here to get the item that he so desperately sought. Thankfully, careful planning had allowed him to think ahead and react to the situation without being put in harm’s way. He mentally patted himself on the back in a job well done.

A cluster of wild Ivysaur were currently drinking the water from the pool, of which now he noticed; the source of the water came from an underground stream as tiny eddies of water streamed out from a small opening at the side of the pool.

Shit.

Maxie’s Camerupt was already there. Even if anyone in Team Aqua could shove Maxie in a locker, his Camerupt was a different story. It was almost twice as large as the average Mightyena, and Leilani wasn’t sure if the Water-type Pokémon she had could quickly neutralize the thing.

No, there was no way she could beat him in a Pokémon battle. Even Leilani, with her incapability to think ahead, knew he was too strong. A lone scout, she’d run into Maxie by sheer coincidence, and she was starting to see that it wasn’t luck that brought her here.

On the bright side, other Aqua Grunts were surveying the area nearby. If Leilani screamed loud enough, they would probably come. But that would almost be the same as admitting defeat to this smug landlubber.

And when in doubt, you bluff.

“No.” The word burned on his lips as he uttered it. Maxie blinked and removed his glasses, arching an eyebrow at the sight before him. A report paper was clutched in his hands. The nomenclatures that he was reading displeased him greatly. “The great Maxie is not to be trifled with,” he muttered, heading towards the forested area.

He walked with his Camerupt for company as the blazing sun shifted through the canopy, highlighting various bits of foliage. Deeper in, he could see the source of the report. He was rather…surprised at what he saw. His hand reached out for the item and grabbed it. As he surveyed the area, he saw nothing but unease coursed through his body.

Giving two taps to the top of his companion’s head, the Pokemon snorted and pawed the ground before stopping. A flock of Swellow flew overhead and he watched as the birds disappeared between the trees. Maxie loosened a little and turned his attention back to the item and where it was held. He turned the thing in his hands and surveyed the item’s surface. 

For anyone with a reasonable amount of intellect and deductive ability, this would not be a lucky day. Team Magma’s leader was a cold, ruthless and calculating individual. Anyone who did not know what kind of person Maxie was would surely be thoroughly informed if they happened to run into him.

But Team Aqua Grunt Leilani was poorly informed about Maxie, only knowing that he was the leader of Team Magma. Thus, her first thought when she saw him was not Shit, better call for backup, but instead the much less intelligent Luckyyy!

From a person with sound reasoning’s perspective, Maxie was a person who should be avoided. However, rational thinking was not something Team Aqua excelled at, let alone a low-ranking Grunt like Leilani. Somehow, she came to the conclusion that the most beneficial course of action would be ambushing Maxie and then having a sweet Team Aqua victory party. Team Aqua rules, Team Magma drools, as they say.

Hiding behind a tree at a safe distance from Maxie and his almost quaint-looking Camerupt, Leilani called out her Mightyena. Instructions were not necessary. She simply pointed to Maxie and then slid a finger across her neck to illustrate. Leilani held up three fingers, slowly counting down to their surprise attack.

Three...

Two...

One.

Plan B, then. 

“Oi, can’t you ju–achOO!–… jus’ fuck off?”

Drawing his wrist back, he attempted to throw a broken Pokeball half he’d picked up earlier at her, only for it to hit one of the branches on the way down and land harmlessly in the grass below. Huh. Well, maybe if he adjusted the angle of his throws, he could get it to bounce off the third branch from the left and hit her on the head with his boot, which weighed a bit more…

before he could remove it, though, she was already screeching and maneuvering up the tree at a speed that startled him and made Cupcake scream in unison. Rubbing his temples in an effort to get his bearings, he shot his attention down to the ground below, where several… small yellow bug types were approaching.

Really?

“Aw, what is it, Stripes?” 

His tone was slightly mocking even as he sniffled, a weak chuckle escaping him.

“Losin’ them sea legs over some little bugsssssssshiiiit.”

He… didn’t recognize what those things are, but on a closer glance, he did note the fact that they had a very prominent leaf attached to their little bodies. Which, 9 times out of 10, usually meant a grass type. Fuck. These shitters didn’t spit spores, did they? He was still sputtering from the last encounter.

Not that there was much time to think about it - the horde was already making for the tree. Barker turned to the Pirate, trying with some effort to hold back the urge to sneeze.

She also ignored most of Barker’s comments, only focusing on getting further away from those disgusting bugs. She’d sock him in the face some other time. Then she’d probably spit on it, which was not as unsanitary as a sneeze, but it did the trick.

Only when her now secondary adversary had called her “Stripes” did she finally notice. Fancy meeting him here. She glared at him, immediately reaching for one of her Poké Balls. If she released her Corsola above his head, surely... But Corsola wasn’t with her, and even if it was, Grass-type attacks would immediately take it out.

“Shut yer trap, Bubbleglum. I’m allergic to Bug-types, a’ight? One bite and I’ll...” She shuddered at the thought, which was quickly interrupted by Barker’s brilliant comment. Yes, they were, indeed, bugs. And also shit.

“What’s d’matter with you, then? Oh! I get it! Yer no good with Grass types, huh? Huh? I’m right, ain’t I! I’m right!” Leilani’s victory was short-lived, as when she looked down, she got nauseous. Vertigo on one side, Bug-type induced rash on the other. Plus, Sneezy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was her sole companion. Fuckin’ great.