heavens to delaware

Upon our arrival, they received us kindly—at least, more kindly than I would have anticipated, given the accounts of skirmishes between our peoples in the region. The initial hostility and suspicion gave way once our party had managed to communicate our intentions to the best of our ability, although I remain under the impression that the Humans—as they call themselves—believe us to be diplomats rather than scholars. (The finer points of their language continue to elude us. It seems to change as rapidly as they do, and we are beginning to suspect that they seldomly say what they mean.)

Within mere days, we became a curiosity to the humans, and shortly thereafter, an obsession. It seemed that every individual (particularly the children) felt an audacious need to talk to us, or at least, *about* us. Unabashed gawking, finger-pointing, and huddled, excited murmurs were abound for several days before they seemed, suddenly, and nearly all at once, to completely lose interest in us and our endeavors.

As alluded to prior in regards to their language, Humans seem to be extremely mutable, mercurial beings. They are wont to become excited due to the most minor happenstance, but they seem to be just as suddenly bored by the very same occurrence. They are quick to anger, quick to forgive, quick to laughter, and quick to tears. Most notably, perhaps, is how easily they seem to fall in and out of love! I have witnessed an inseparable pair lose interest in one another overnight, and I have witnessed seeming strangers stalk off to their quarters together after having only known each other for moments.

They seem always to be in a rush. Humans are very industrious, and seem obsessed with the idea that any given undertaking can always be done better and faster. Several of my peers suggest that this may be due to their short life-spans, but I doubt that they have a much greater sense of mortality than that of other, more long-lived peoples. Nevertheless, there is an ostensible cultural emphasis on ambition, which they seem to consider an utmost virtue. To toil and to strive, and to let no moment go to waste is believed by them to be glorious, and most all of their legends seem to revolve around this drive to surpass their limitations.

To their more basic habits, they seem to characteristically fling themselves fully into each of their endeavors. They work slavishly, eat heartily, learn rapidly, and breed like rodents. Their children develop and reach maturity at astounding rates, especially given how helpless and incapacitated their offspring are at birth. It may take a Human whelp upwards of a year to learn how to walk, but they tend to be fully physically developed before their twentieth year.

Their numbers are truly astonishing. My personal theory on the source of their industriousness is that the rapidity of their gestation requires incredible infrastructure to support the exponential population growth their species can achieve in such a short period of time. The sheer scale and efficiency of their farming practices serves to baffle the mind. Humans obsessively hoard and curate an ever-growing food surplus, and many of their culinary practices seem to prioritize the conversion of perishable goods into staple foodstuffs which may be preserved for long periods of time. Once again, there is a fascination with possessing more than is needed of any given resource.

The nearly-immeasurable scope of their population (in conjunction with their strong-willed and protean temperaments) leads to much infighting. According to their histories, ideas can rise and fall within a lifetime, and very little remains in fashion for very long. Humans are concerningly bellicose; they make war just as readily as they make love—I will divulge that several of my compatriots can verify the speed I wish to convey through this comparison.

Their readiness to lay waste to one another is horrifying. Fleeting passions can spiral into incredible violence. One example which gave me pause is that, by the laws of this settlement, the punishment for slaying another Human is for the perpetrator himself to be slain. Seldom is meaningful restitution granted to the friends and loved ones of the slain; rather, they are meant to be contented by the cold, cruel comfort that the friends and loved ones of the perpetrator suffer just as they do. There is to be had no rehabilitation, no restitution, nothing but some stark sense of impartial symmetry.

I will confess that our initial goal in this place was to assess the physical and martial capabilities of these strange ape-men, and many of the observations made in this account were driven by my own curiosity. While I will leave the bulk of my findings on the military capability of the Humans to the official report, I will share the following: