Give me horses or give me death

concentrates really hard and turns all the microplastics in my body into a gift card for olive garden that has $2 on it

yo mama, who art in heaven

what they dont tell you about those little hand baskets in the grocery store is if you put enough things in them they get heavy

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

Really excited to see the years pass since this joke was first posted, and seeing the new generation thinks this is some non-sequitor when it in fact references a specific old flash game that has long past its day in the light, in which the goal was to fucking demolish this guy.