Dear Future Husband

Hey Honey,

I am a complete and total ham.  I apologize if I have a tendency to draw attention to myself in an unneeded fashion.  But there is one thing I would maybe like to do with you: dance.

So it happened huh?  Our first fight.

First off I want to say I'm sorry anything I said or did that hurt you, there's a high likelihood that I may not even realize certain things I said where hurtful.  And if I did I am even more sorry.

There' a likelihood you won't see this til after it's all over and we're at opposite ends of the house not talkin or something like that.  I want to say I'm sorry again for the time it takes me to eve say I'm sorry. 

In the meantime, let me tell you some things about the way I do (or don't) handle things.  When I'm angry, common sense goes out the window.  At least that is if I don't make myself be silent and try to make sure I actually listen to what you're saying. If I clench my teeth, it's because I'm trying to hold my tongue and say the right thing.  If I clench my fists, it's because I'm trying to hold back my automatic instinct to be verbally defensive.  If all I can get myself to say is "Please let me be for a minute, I need to be alone."  It' because I need to sit in my room, cry or whatever, let the emotions out, and come back so I can be reasonable.

If I don't have the ability to do that I may say something that makes no sense, that's often me, and will probably be totally off base on certain facts.  That's me trying to figure out what I mean when my brain won't work.

There is a high likelihood I am wrong.  I don't like being wrong.  Call me out on it.  Seriously.  I will try to be the victim.  Don't let me.  I would rather be wrong and upset at the time so I can grow than you feel you have to coddle me. 

But above all things, please say you love me.  Because it will remind me to probably say, "I LOVE YOU TOO."

Oh hahaha also on a lighter note if I slam cabinet doors or whatever I'm not actually mad I'm just lazy and do that rather than just close it gently. XD

(via https://soundcloud.com/artsiesteph1510/thursday-01-15-pm?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=tumblr)

(via https://soundcloud.com/artsiesteph1510/hushabye-mountain?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=tumblr)

We have to.  Seriously.  Even if I have to do it I totally don't mind.  I have a teeny little Charlie Brown tree if we want to use that for the first Christmas.

Wait.  First Christmas....it's first Christmas!?!?!  Oh man what am I gonna get you!?  What should I get you?  A tie?  Make you a big dinner?  Maybe something for your videogame console? (because if you're married to me I imagine we play together :P  )  A book? 

Wow I'm freaking out already and we haven't even started this journey yet! hahaha. 

All I can say is I will have so much fun spending quiet time together, watching old movies, and just being there with you. :)

Dear babe,

Today I'm sitting at home waiting for my parents to get home from church.  I got sick and so I had to stay home :/  But one thing we do every Sunday is we Skype my sister Jennifer who lives in New York right now.

I'm very close to my family, I have relied on them a lot during my life, and I'm more than ecstatic to meet yours some day.  Maybe your relationship isn't so good with them, or maybe it's wonderful, but no matter what I will be so happy to be part of yours no matter who they are.  Because they're yours.  Because you're you.  And I hope my family treats you with the utmost respect.  Since we're on the subject, I'll give you a few cheats ;D

Dad: Although he seems silent and forboding, he is actually really fun loving and appreciates sarcasm.   He's a planner and a thinker, which is something I never understood really, so he can have things going on in his mind anywhere from a week to a year ahead.  He loves cars, movies, and is a closet nerd of Star Trek.  Family is very important to him.  He lost his father when he was a young adult, so he takes his role as a father lovingly seriously as a result.  He has a great relationship with his mother right now, and if she is still alive I would love to have her at the wedding.

Mom: She is where I get most of my personality traits, especially my silliness and proficiency for chick flicks and British tv.  She is warm and can be very patient with people, unless she thinks some sort of injustice is being done and then she gets a bit frustrated.  She loves movies as well, but also lots of Disney, period dramas, and shopping.  And if we ever have kids she will literally fawn all over them and buy them so much clothes hahaha.   

Jenn: My sister is a mixture of mom and dad's personality with more of a portion of dad.  She's a thinker, planner, and has fun being goofy from time to time.  She may still be in New York when you and I marry, but I secretly hope she was my maid of honor.  She loves cars still I think, she is a musician who plays drums mostly, and moves really fast in her life.

Well that's the main ones.  I can honestly say though I am giddy to meet whoever it is you consider your most dear, whether it be close family, grandparents, friends, anyone. 

Hey hun,

I thought it would be cool if I like some posts on here.  If you have no idea what tumblr is then I'll explain it to you when you find out about this hahaha.  That way you could see what kinda stuf I was interested in as time went by.  Hopefully not to much time. ;)

Hello honey,

I was on christianchat, that site I talk about all the time, and someone had mentioned an idea for their future spouse.  Make a journal!  I thought that was the cutest thing, and I decided to give it a go.

But as I am a total nerd I decided to step I up a bit: make a tumblr!  Then I could add in the little things that I think about during the day.  And don't worry sweetie, there's an archive so if it takes a while for us to meet from today then you won't have to leaf through hundreds of individual pages.