always here.

i miss blogging about them

20 things I wish I could’ve told myself 2 years ago 1.) “Boys will be boys” is not a good enough excuse for a boy to take advantage of you, and treat you badly. You deserve more than answering machines over and over. You deserve the call back. 2.) Comparing yourself to your friends gets you no where but at the ground level of No Self Confidence. Your best friend might have the highest G.P.A, and your other might have the looks of a model. Though don’t think for one second, that you are the dud. 3.) Put down your phone when you’re upset. You will call people sobbing and shaking and that won’t get you anywhere. (You’ll feel stupid for it later.) Pick up your pen and just write something. You’ll never know what you’ll end up using as advice for someone else. 4.) Tell him. Or tell her. Tell whoever you love (you love who you love and that’s ok) that you love them. You never know who won’t wake up tomorrow morning, and you’ll regret for the rest of your life that you never said it. Ruin the friendship, take the leap, suffer through the embarrassment, you love someone and they deserve to know. You deserve the peace of mind. 5.) Staying up until 5 a.m is not always the best solution to your emptiness. Sometimes the best solution will be, going for a walk, with someone you barely know. Or sitting at a park by yourself and writing until you feel full. You’ll make it out. 6.) Do not mistake an old reunion as anything but that. 7.) Do not let him cheat on his girlfriend with you. Imagine how she will feel when she finds out that her boyfriend of months and months has cheated on someone that means nothing to him. Imagine that. Be the biggest person and take his hand off your thigh. Swallow the feeling of finally being touched by someone else and throw up your pride. Do the right thing. For once. 8.) Friday nights should not be spent by yourself locked in your room. Friday nights should be filled with adventure, and firsts. Go to that football game and stand in the student section and pretend to know what’s happening. Cheer when they cheer, and boo when they boo. You’ll get the chance to be proud of something that doesn’t involve yourself. No matter how much you hate this school, it’s making you into who you are, remember that. 9.) Fall in love with something. Something. Not someone. Fall in love with a subject in school, a book, a song, poetry, a movie. Engulf yourself in something that is new, and scary. Spend your days just wanting more of it, learn it from the beginning and end. Love it so much you don’t want to love anything else. 10. That boy who thinks your poetry is silly is not a boy who you should be writing poetry about. 11.) Stop apologizing to the boy who broke your heart. Your apologies of not being enough go in through one ear and straight out the other. He does not care that you find your self worthless and broken. In fact he probably finds it so amazing to know he has this type of power on someone. Do not give him the satisfaction. Instead of apologizing call him up and yell a big “Fuck you.” Right in his ear and there’s a better chance it won’t come out the other. 12.) Stop waiting for him to call you. He’s not going to call you, or text you. With every moment that passes that he doesn’t, it will be another let down for you. Put your phone on airplane mode and don’t touch it for a few days, that way every time you hear a notification you don’t build up your hopes just to let them fall again. 13.) Do not keep running in circles. Stop going back to old friends in hopes that things have changed and things could work out. Do not keep crawling back to that boy time and time again just because you miss having someone look at you. 15.) People know when you’re hiding in the bathroom in class. Go back to class people actually have to pee. 16.) Stop trying to please others. Someone will always be upset with an action you do. Do what you think is right and what makes you happy. 17.) Not all boys will break your heart. There are good guys, with good pure hearts, most are. It’s just most have a difficult time realizing it. You will not be alone forever, you will be happy. Someday someone will join along in that journey. 18.) Self harm is not ok. Do not self harm. 19.) You’re going to make it out of here. You’re going to flee this town and make a new name for yourself. You will be ok. 20.) Just because you don’t love yourself now doesn’t mean others don’t love you. You have so much potential so much passion, so much love. You will love yourself soon. brace yourself.