And as for the most perfect of horses…

He is registered, but fat lotta good it’s going to do, because you can’t actually do anything with him. He knows how to do showmanship, but he will fucking bite you. He can jump about 6 inches, but if you ask him to do that he will fucking bite you. He is green broke to pull a cart, which is the only thing you can do with him without getting bit, but he is only green because all of us are too afraid to actually put him on the cart in fear he will break it. 

Stands great for the farrier, but you do have to monitor him because guess what he’ll do! He is great at desensitizing and will walk through a curtain without blinking an eye, but pretends to be afraid of the tractor. Up to date on shots, coggins, and farrier, just had his teeth done. Does not load,

It is recommended you do not have chickens, because he loves to attempt to murder them. He has killed 2 raccoons.

Whiskey, registered paint horse with a stupid ass name. Old? Yes. Too old to do airs above the ground? Absolutely not! He's fine, most of the time, but God forbid you brush him. Or blanket him. Or pet him. He'll somehow kick and bite at the same exact time. Does he kick backwards? Nope! Cow kicks only.

Did I mention he's going blind in one eye and thinks everything is out to kill him? Only under saddle, of course.

Speaking of which, he does walk/trot nicely, if getting bounced out of the saddle by a gigantic, springy stride is your thing. Too arthritic to do much else these days, but honestly that is a good thing.

Does he load? Only if it's cloudy, springtime, it's precisely 3pm, there's already another horse in the trailer, and the moon is in Gatorade rising.

Roxie was probably meant to be a competitive eater, but through bureaucratic error ended up as a 10-year-old grade quarter horse instead. She was originally abused/neglected and now that can be your problem! Roxie is trained under saddle (wtc, direct reins, trail rides), though she has bolted/bucked/shied/run away with her rider. She will ride in the arena or on the trails. She will ride out in front. Only. This is a sensitive, independent horse that requires a level-headed handler. The right person will reap the rewards of her quiet toleration.

Roxie comes with a host of physical issues, including bone chips, arthritic changes, and severe allergies to dozens of insects, foods, and pollens. She requires custom allergy shots & routine Legend injections, as well as a special diet, special facial protection, and special patience. This horse will not pass a PPE: you must provide your own vet, one that is willing to lie to you.

Roxie will stand for the farrier but lean and fidget the entire time (unless bribed). She is sensitive and will fidget for most grooming tasks (unless bribed). She does learn very quickly (especially if you have bribes!) and in general she is very amenable to a bribe-based training paradigm.

The right home will have 24/7 forage and no nasty, ugly little foalses (which she inexplicably hates). Roxie is a weenie at heart, and prefers a home where she can pretend to be a tough boss mare. I hope you like animals with big personalities, future owner, because you will probably never be able to sell her. You should also probably be a committed rider, because you won't have money left over for other hobbies after vet bills come in.

Today marks ten years since a little Arab mare came nameless out of the bush, and she and I met each other for the first time. Neither of us knew what lay ahead, but what a journey we have shared together. Abba has shown her extraordinary resilience and iron constitution time and again, bouncing back from a severed tendon, chemotherapy for sarcoids, and a fractured pedal bone. She has gone from melting down in a walk-trot showing class to completing two endurance rides. We have won rosettes at in-hand shows, jumped a tiny cross-country course, and ridden a pair of dressage tests, in which Abba miraculously made no attempt to throw herself out of the ring, despite her views on going in circles in a sand box. 

She has blossomed into a mare with outsize opinions, which she is always willing to express, but over the years, we have learned how to compromise with each other, most of the time. She has shared with me the joy of flying without wings, the wind beating in our faces and gravity falling away as she lengthens her stride, almost floating over the uneven ground. 

She has shown me that she has nerves of steel, not only when unloading and loading up again on the side of the freeway last December, but also all those years ago when she outran the rogue ostrich. She is so brave, and has unswerving faith that I will never ask her to do something beyond her ability.  

She does not believe in wearing a fly mask for longer than necessary, and when the time limit has been reached, she simply hooks the toe of a back hoof under the poll piece and slides it over her ears, so the mask falls off with the velcro still fastened. Blankets are to be rolled into submission, after which they are tolerable. She has come to a grudging appreciation of her rain sheet, over time, though, as she does not approve of water falling from the sky, though she is also dubious about it on the ground as well, so much so that people watching her crossing puddles have said, time and again, how cat-like she is in her fastidious distaste for getting her feet wet. She has also learned that Arab horses do not melt when given a bath, despite her strong prior convictions on the matter.  

Her favourite game to play is tag; when she and I have enough space in which to play, and no other horses are involved, she will run at me and swerve aside at the last minute, throwing in a flying change for good measure. She loves to go fast, and before the arrival of Sahara, she used to have to give the other horses a headstart, bouncing impatiently on the tips of her toes, before launching herself after them and overtaking them halfway across the field. Now she has competition, and she and Sahara play dirty, shoulder barging, cutting each other off, taking the inside corner, or starting while the other one is distracted, because they are so evenly matched that the only way to win is to cheat. 

1. Et stående føl (1843) by Johan Thomas Lundbye (1818-1848).

2. Two Studies: a Foal, and a Mare and Foal by Robert Hills (1769–1844). Watercolour and graphite on moderately thick, moderately textured, beige, laid paper.

3. Mare and Foal by Arthur James Stark (1831–1902). Graphite on medium, slightly textured, cream, wove paper, mounted on moderately thick, slightly textured, cream, wove paper.

4. Study for Mare and Foal, Lytchetts, Clayhidon (1917) by Robert Bevan (1865–1925). Charcoal with rubbing on moderately thick, slightly textured, cream, laid paper.