Thom

my boyfriend wants a real man, i know he does. he loves me and this is without a doubt the healthiest relationship as it could possibly be, but i am not well. i don't think that i could ever be in a fully healthy relationship with whats wrong with me. i think i have bp and a combination of other things. if i cant be the perfect partner, if i cant be a real man, then i might as well be the smallest. he doesn't want me like that but the only other man hes been with was a fat twink. at least he was a real man.

my boyfriend keeps saying how skinny i am teehee 😛

I'm at 164. My life has changed a lot since I started this blog. I've changed, the world has changed. Im getting happier with my body for sure. My ED has always been the constant depression type, the type that weighs on you constantly. I'm at a point now where i'm just so so depressed people are asking about it. I've always been incredibly good at keeping it from being seen but I'm at a breaking point for sure. I've watched my whole life dissipate before my very eyes; and to be truthful, i'm scared. I don't know where to go from here. The only control over anything I have is my body.

nah bcs everyone wants you to stay fat so they feel better about themselves "you've lost weight im scared for you" so you can be thin but i cant? all i am to these people is an ego boost

im so fucking disgusting I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE i dont think that god himself could fix me. i am unfixable. he isnt scared of committing hes scared of being seen with someone like me and i get it; i do i really fucking get it. i make others feel ashamed to be seen with, they only do it because it makes them look better. i dont know what cruel punishment this is for. i dont know what i did in a past life but it must've been truly heinous; but how is that my fault? if i can't remember i cant repent. that wasnt me now, that was never me now. why once again must i suffer the consequences of others actions. i am sorry if i was vain, im sorry if i was cruel. but that was not me. they did not suffer so i have to. how is that fair? its never been about being fair. its about being punished. but what is a punishment without a cause?