Thistle and Thyme

“He hid it from me for four years.  The whole time I believed he was in love with me.  He was always saying: ‘I love you.’  Always: ‘I want to be with you.’  And he seemed to care so much.  He’d always ask about what I read, and what I learned, and what I thought.  We’d talk about our future together.  I was so happy.  The world seemed so beautiful.  Until one night we were eating dinner, and his phone rang.  He glanced at the screen then put it down quickly.  Something felt strange, so I told him to answer it.  But he refused.  And that’s when I knew.  I pressed him for days until he finally admitted everything.  I went through all his emails.  All the things he ever told me, he’d told her too.  Word for word.  Everything had been lies.  They’d even travelled together when he claimed to be on business trips.  My world was broken.  I haven’t dated for years.  So many of my previous understandings have lost their meaning.  I no longer know what ‘loyalty’ is.  Or ‘commitment.’  I can’t even use the word ‘love’ anymore.  I used to say it all the time: ‘I love this,’ or ‘I love doing that.’  Now I just say that I ‘want’ to do something.  Or I use the word ‘happy’ a lot.  Like: ‘I’m happy to be with you.’  But never ‘love.  Because I don’t know what that is anymore.” (Hong Kong)

Jorja Smith

“Everyone tried to talk me out of it.  They all said: ‘You’ve been together for such a long time.  You have a beautiful life together.  You have a beautiful business.  You should value the things you have.’  But he lied to me.  And whenever I looked at him, all I saw was lies.  I just couldn’t stay married.  But we were bound by so many things.  Our families were close.  We had the same friends.  We went to all the same places.  If I stayed in Havana, we were going to see each other over and over.  I just needed to break away.  So I made the decision to leave.  I almost didn’t get on the plane because I was so scared of starting over.  But when I finally landed in Spain, I said to myself: ‘That’s it.  It’s done.’  The first weeks were easy because I’d been so eager for a fresh start.  But then it all set in.  I was all alone here.  We’d been together since I was seventeen.  For my entire life I had someone supporting me.  Someone I could trust.  And now I had no one.  It felt like I didn’t belong in Spain, but it felt like I didn’t belong in Cuba either.  It’s been two years now.  It’s been a lot of work, but I’m finally in a good place.  I have a new job.  I have new friends.  I’m starting to have a feeling of ‘home.’  It’s still difficult being away from my family, but I think I made the right decision.  These last two years I’ve gone through everything on my own: the happy moments, the sad moments, the painful moments.  And I’m feeling fine.  I’ve learned that I can face life by myself.”   (Madrid, Spain)