This Riss

How had I forgotten?

That your words brought more

than laugh lines and loyalty

maybe that’s why I still dream of you

Maybe I had prayed

Was I praying wrong, God?

Ignoring the court of constellations

screaming in my head

you wanted this more than anything

Maybe I tried

Didn’t we both try?

After the sleepless 2am fights 

and the golden promise you spat

I  will leave this time

Maybe I’m realizing

Yes, I’m realizing

You weren’t supposed to be the one

to tuck my hair behind my ear

Or brew us coffee while the sun still slept

You showed me I’m better off doing this alone

fights fill 50% of this day and 50% of me wants to escape out this window

apologies steer 75% of your words and 25% of me wants to be okay with it

feet aching light splitting the shadows of this sin

scream softly so I can think I feel loved.

because I like the way it moves

digging up the soil

on a patchwork barely holding

t o

   g e t h

           e r

I’m still hoping for something

to bloom

he walked to his wooden toybox and sifted through forgotten toys

he placed a paper crown on his head and cried when told that rain isn't loved by everyone.

a weeping willow tree

to dance and sleep basked

in the moon and sun

eternal warmth for me

to death my fears redeem

and sing my past as love songs

in the moon and sun

better yet

let me be the flame on the tip extinguished            by        your    lips.

Stained glass hugs this aging ceiling fireflies sleep within the darkened greens

And I'll be in these pews; waiting, crying, thanking.

on the raspberry red brick wall 

of this old apartment

Yellow light floods in from the open window

breaking up the dying gray 

of this granite floor

Listless feet sleepwalk 

from the lapis lined hallway 

hung with these old photos

And I pray you remember this

the same way I remember you. 

why an artist feels undervalued

is because the first Artist

feels the same

the seaweed sleeps around me

Moonlight dips its toes 

into the waters reflection

and suddenly

this graveyard feels less

like a graveyard