Mikhail Lermontov, tr. by Alan Myers, from An Age Ago: “Testament,”

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Mikhail Lermontov, tr. by Alan Myers, from An Age Ago: “Testament,”

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“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”
— Mark Twain
Twilight Conversation. Ron Hicks, 2013.
Abandonment (The Pair). Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, 1895.
The Café. Federico Zandomeneghi, 1884.
The New Bracelet. Henryk Siemiradzki, 1883.
gals being pals.
“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”
— Viktor E. Frankl
the saddest thing i’ve ever done was beg someone to love me the way I loved them

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“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
—
Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers (via books-n-quotes)
Wow. Mr. Rogers said that?Â
Cool.
“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?”
— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
Zen Dating
The Zen approach to dating is to cut through all the games, to be your authentic self and to be present and compassionate toward whoever is with you.
The biggest game in dating is wanting something from another person and pretending we don’t. We want all kinds of things from other people when we date them. We want love, acceptance, appreciation, understanding, confirmation, sex, commitment, money, security, healing, and on and on. We bring every want and need in our lives into our relationships. In a dating situation it is a brand new relationship and so we play the game of pretending that we are complete, have lots to offer and need nothing. Playing that game is already taking something from the other person as we rely on them to support the fantasies we project about ourselves.
To approach a date from a zen perspective you go into your date as an enlightened person. You can’t just put your enlightenment on for a date like a sweater or scarf. That would be playing a game. You have to use that as your approach to life. You must approach life as a process of personal growth, learning to be who you are, where you are in all circumstances. Going out on a date, is a special opportunity to catch yourself at your normal habits, pretending to be things, and wanting things from other people.
Dating is a time of heightened judging and self-consciousness. When you find yourself being present and connecting with another person you judge positively, imagining a long life of happiness together, or getting what you want from them. When you are not connecting, you imagine you are wasting your time, that the person will not give you anything that you need or want. You sense that they may want something from you that you can’t give.
Whether you are connecting or not connecting changes moment to moment and instead of connecting, you wonder if you are connecting or not. If you think the other person is great, you may start to worry that you are not enough. If you find them annoying, you’re not too worried about how good you are, and you may even find yourself being mean. As you wander away from the present moment, indulge your judgments, and forget your compassion you lose your enlightenment. You find yourself involved in a transaction rather than an interpersonal connection. You are swallowed up by your own game. Zen is remembering to come back to the present and be who you are where you are.
When a date is over, you continue working on yourself, your presence, your compassion and your enlightenment. When you notice yourself playing a game, recognize the game and respond compassionately. When you are deciding what to do, ask yourself, am I playing a game or am I engaged in real life? Ask yourself if you are being authentic or manipulative. If you are bashing yourself, be compassionate with yourself. If you are acting toward another person be compassionate with them.
As dating progresses and you become more intimate, more authentic, with another person, walls crumble, or stand firm. Illusions pop. Pretenses are exposed. You grow and change. You may get married, you may go separate ways. You continue to work on being present, compassionate and enlightened. That is a zen approach to dating.
All women have pubic hair, all women have armpit hair, all women have moustache hairs, all women have hairy legs, most women have hair on their stomach and breasts. If you find that disgusting then you aren’t attracted to women at all because that’s how we naturally exist, that’s what we look like, those are our secondary sex characteristics. Congrats on having brain rot though.

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The original benders.
She wants a hug
Sometimes I just think about going to LA and learning how to write about my life.
Every time I go to a supermarket or department store or any store for that matter
A few of many many examples:Â
Its a great way to milk us of more money as well as reinforce arbitrary gender differences!

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“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect; it makes you feel inadequate.”
— (via purplebuddhaquotes)
“Scott writes that all 23 women interviewed for the paper described doing both male and female chores. Men, on the other hand, talked mostly about male labor. Unless specifically asked, only a third of the men interviewed mentioned any work traditionally done by women. One apple grower described his orchard as a one-man business that his son would eventually inherit, with his wife and daughter only minimally involved. But, in a separate interview, his wife said that while her husband and son took care of the trees, she handled seedlings in the nursery, coordinated sales, hired seasonal labor, kept the books, and helped make decisions. She also mentioned that their daughter ran the farm’s fruit stand. The men were also more likely to emphasize male ownership of family enterprises—“my grandfather’s farm” or “my tractor.” In contrast, the women usually referred to “my grandmother and grandfather’s farm” or “our tractor.””
—
GENDER AND FAMILY FARMS: AN INVESTIGATION
(via psychicsycophant)
Ugh.
(via farmlandia)
this is 100% my experience
(via rikodeine)