Safe Space For All Eating Disorder Confessions

FAQ

Honestly? I don't hate my body. I hate how other people treat it. But I don't hate my body. I honestly think I'm super cute, I've always been pretty content with my looks... but it doesn't matter what I think. That's why I'm doing this.

Not gonna lie, something traumatic may have happened in the last week and I went vegan and now I’m barely eating at all. I just have no appetite or money to buy fruits/veggies. I have to figure out a healthy eating lifestyle that I will start eating before I lose too much weight. I’m already smaller than I’ve ever been my whole life.

I started posting ed content recently and i hoped to get Ana moots or smthng but all the messages i get are just so weird and fetishizing and idk its just so tiring and consuming like having an ed is enough mental torture just please idk needed to rant and this blog is the only place i can without judgemente

I’m in “recovery” right now but only so they’ll let me take ADHD stimulants. As soon as possible after that or in two years at college I want to have the biggest fucking relapse that the world’s ever seen. It seems long such a long wait and I want results now but there’s no way I’m giving up permanently after all my efforts. I’ll have to take what I can get.

I’m struggling because I want long, lean muscles so badly but have to eat more in order to actually build them and that’s just. So. Scary??? And I know restricting is reducing my progress but it’s all I’m comfortable with and all I know how to do.

I’ve had eating problems for years but it only got really bad last year, then it wasn’t too bad for a while, and now i think it’s at its worst. I’m hardly eating and everytime I do eat it’s always like a conscious effort. I’m worried bc I know I won’t be able to actually get skinny bc my parents are annoying and they notice stuff too quickly, but if they find out about my ed and I never get to be skinny I’ll want to die.

I don’t understand why my hips won’t get smaller, it’s so irritating. I desperately want the bony hips & tight stomach that the girls in the pictures have, but it’s like my body shape, or the way it carries fat cells or something just won’t do that. I feel like I’ll need to get down to a pretty dangerous weight to achieve what some people just seem to have naturally, and it drives me crazy

i dont even know if i have an ed. like i scroll on tumblr endlessly, look at triggering shit but still dont have enough strenght to do it all? i feel like such a failure. i cant starve. i am terrified of purging so i never done that. i just try to restrict and it all goes to shit one way or another. what am i even doing? i do triggering shit like i look at my bigger friends and somehow feel better about myself but that is so disgusting i cant even. i would eat everything in sight if i could. disgusting pig.

I feel weird about having an intercourse, I think I'm ace or in the ace spectrum at least, but also I think that only skinny and pretty girls can reach the apex of pleasure... Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right, no idea.

People talk a lot about health not equaling morality, but for many, that seems to go out the window when they talk about anorexia. Having an ED is definitely treated like a moral failing. You’re vain. You’re fatphobic. You’re triggering people with your mere presence. I get that people who are super openly “pro-ana” are being harmful, but most of us? idk about anyone else, but I wouldn’t do this to myself if I wasn’t just completely wracked with self hatred & just. an agonizing desperation to do. something. I suck at life so bad, but at least I can do this. I want to feel like I own my body & mind, & I know it’s delusional, but I’m so alone. I don’t have anything else. I don’t do it because I hate other peoples bodies, I do it because I hate myself.

I feel like I’ve forced an Ed on myself. It makes me sick to think about. I used to love food to the point that I always used to overeat even when I felt sick but now I don’t want to be this weight anymore. I never had thoughts of restriction or even saw an Ed as the “easy way to loose weight”, I just decided one day that this would be better for me, and my mental health. But it’s not, I’m miserable and the only happiness I feel comes from numbers on a scale. I don’t know what to do anymore and I have nobody to talk to. I’m scared.

Fasting while overweight is hell, but not for the reason you think. I'm sure we're all familiar with how fasting can just make you *feel* skinny and weightless. But when you get that feeling while fasting and overweight, you just keep remembering that you in fact are NOT skinny and are far from. It sucks feeling skinny and then being reminded of your reality and that you have so far to go

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