THIS IS BLOOMING

ATTENDANCE -> 3.9

what went well: I almost had perfect attendance. I was so close. (I had a breakdown after being in Hawaii one night and being totally overwhelmed with being thrown back into life and my original time zone, which caused me to miss one class and my scheduled office hours). Other then that, I never missed a class or was late for that matter. I also never missed office hours without letting you know about it ahead of time. I also was all there, whether in class or in office hours, I made sure to be totally present. Close to perfect, but not quite. 

where I could improve: I could have improved by coming to class that one time I didn’t, but at least I learned from that failure, and you were gracious enough to catch me up on what I missed when I came to office hours the next day.

COMMUNICATION -> 3.7

what went well: I learned how to email in the correct format early on and emailed in that manner the rest of the semester. I utilized the correct file names for the most part as well. I also texted when needed. On top of that, I took advantage of office hours for the most effective kind of communication, face-to-face conversation. 

where I could improve: I think I could have improved in the times that I formated my emails incorrectly, and my little post-Hawaii fail when I did not let you know ahead of time that I would be missing office hours. 

DEADLINES -> 3.5

what went well: For the most part, I did not miss a deadline, both ambiguous and concrete. I was careful to keep up with all that was written out for us in the syllabus and stated as an assignment in class. 

where I could improve: I missed the deadline of the initial email response to the syllabus by 30 minutes. I missed the mark on my Spring Break assignment by not correctly formatting the image name. Yikes.

PARTICIPATION -> 3.2

what went well: I really did my best to live out the practices of this class daily. I made small changes in my habits and the way I completed work. I went to office hours as often as possible, as I found that I learned even more in those settings than I did in class sometimes, and it was such a valuable place to find new perspective and answers to questions- some of the time questions I didn't even know I had. I discussed what I was learning with people taking the course right along with me. I am thankful for what this intentional participation did for personal growth this semester. 

This was an assignment that I really put off. Again and again and again. 

Everytime I went to start it, I just moved on to something else in my portfolio instead. Thinking about death makes me uncomfortable, not because I am scared of dying, but because I am fearful of how unknown my future is. I have no idea where my life will lead, and that is frightening. Not because I need to know all the answers, but because, at this point, it feels like I know none of them.

Trying to predict that for the sake of this exercise feels silly to me. I just don’t want to, and I think it’s because it feels like playing God to me. While the unknown scares the beans out of my like I said above, I am also assured that the Lord is in control of my life and that lifts the weight of me feeling like I have to be, which I think deep down is why I resent this assignment. 

Here’s the thing, just because I don’t like something or it makes me uncomfortable doesn’t mean I won’t do it. If I’ve learned anything from this class, it’s that it means I need to do it. To practice, to fail, to wrestle with it. 

So, here is my obituary. It is concise and to the point. I truly based it off my values more so than the questions in the original assignment, because that is just what worked best for me. 

Just so you know, this is from the perspective of my younger sister, Sophie, writing it. Something I found to be extraordinarily valuable in my life is being the oldest sister to two little sisters, Sophie and Phoebe. I actually picture one of them writing this obituary, from the perspective of truly knowing who I am as a person.

My sweet sister, Maddie (Madeline) Britton Zimpfer of Zionsville, Indiana, passed away peacefully May 2, 2102 at the age of 102. 

She is survived by Phoebe and I, along with her beautiful children Ray, Grace, and Britton, her nine precious grandchildren, her fifteen great-grandchildren, and, of course, her beloved Maltese, Tillie. 

Maddie did a lot in her life, and if you want to hear about it, just look her up. You you see her accolades, her titles, her successes, but I know Maddie wouldn’t want me to talk about that in her obituary, so I am not going to. 

Maddie was in love with the world and learning as much as she could about it through her travels. She visited all seven continents and over 50 countries by the time she passed. I would bet you her only regret is that she didn’t travel more. 

Maddie was one of the hardest workers I have ever known. She would be the first to tell you, everything she did, she did fully. If you look at what she accomplished in her lifetime, you would see that served her very well. Most importantly, as she rose, she made sure that others rose with her. She mentored so many incredible women throughout her lifetime, many being mentored by her up until her final days. That is pretty special. 

Maddie was always creating. Whether she was making designs, writing, sketching, painting, singing, cooking, even creating relationships. She loved making, and doing, and formulating, and challenging. That was present through her constantly asking for art kits growing up or making businesses, my personal favorite being when she forced Phoebe and I do do a “lemonade stand on wheels” and made us go door to door selling lemonade. That was present when she she built her entire career around creating meaningful narratives for people. That was present in her taking up oil-painting, pottery, and poetry in her later years. That was just her, through and through.

Maddie loved her people fiercely. Any of you that are close to Maddie would know this about her. I will never forget when we were on the bus in elementary school, and a boy was bullying me in the front of the bus. Maddie was in the back of the bus, but I could see her watching us. As soon as we all got off at our bus stop, Maddie walked right up to the boy and said, “Don’t you ever talk to my sister like that again.” She then punched him right in the face and ran away as fast as she could, grabbing me, tears and all, and pulling me along with her. She told me he was a “big fat loser.” We were running into our front door, my cheeks still tear-stained, giggling like crazy. Maddie and I gave the full report to our dad of what had just happened, and he picked the two of us up, hugged us in close, and said he was so proud of us girls. It was awesome. 

Finally, and most importantly, the light of the Lord shined so brightly through Maddie. She truly spread His light wherever she went. In her writing, in her conversation, in her actions- it was evident that He was working through her. I know she is smiling down on us from Heaven as I write this, and I look forward to joining her someday. In her last few breaths, she had a peace that was undeniably straight from the Lord above. 

INSPIRE A SHARED VISION

2. I talk about future trends that will influence how our work gets done. 6

7. I describe a compelling picture of what our future could be like. 9

12. I appeal to others to share an exciting dream of the future. 7

17. I show others how their long-term interests can be realized by enlisting in a common vision. 8

22. I am contagiously enthusiastic and positive about future possibilities. 7

27. I speak with conviction about the higher meaning and purpose of our work. 7

MODEL THE WAY

4. I set a personal example of what I expect of others. 9

9. I spend time and energy on making certain that the people I work with adhere to the principles and standards that we have agreed on. 6

14.  I follow through on the promises and commitments that I make. 8

19. I am clear about my philosophy of leadership. 5 -> 7

24. I make certain that we set achievable goals, make a concrete plan, and establish measurable milestones for the projects and programs that we work on. 4

29. I make progress toward goals one step at a time. 3 -> 7

CHALLENGE THE PROCESS

3. I look around for ways to develop and challenge my skills and abilities. 9

8. I look for ways that others can try out new ideas and methods. 6                    

13. I keep current on events and activities that might affect our organization. 6

18. When things do not go as we expected, I ask, “What can we learn from this experience?”  5 -> 8

23. I make sure that we set goals and make specific plans for the projects we undertake. 5 -> 7

28. I take initiative in experimenting with the way we can do things in our organization. 5

ENABLE OTHERS TO ACT

4. I foster cooperative rather than competitive relationships among people I work with. 8

9. I actively listen to diverse points of view. 6 -> 7

14. I treat others with dignity and respect. 9

19. I support the decisions that other people in our organization make on their own.  7

24. I give others a great deal of freedom and choice in deciding how to do their work. 4 -> 6     

29. I provide opportunities for others to take on leadership responsibilities. 4 -> 5    

ENCOURAGE THE HEART

5. I praise people for a job well done. 9

10. I make it a point to let people know about my confidence in their abilities. 8

15. I make sure that people are creatively rewarded for their contributions to the success of our projects. 4 -> 5

20. I publicly recognize people who exemplify commitment to shared values. 6

25. I find ways to celebrate accomplishments. 8

I did another mini C4. I took a little one-take video in King to talk about it. 

The image above is what I threw on my Instagram story. No permission asked, I just went for it. I took the risk. (I know, big stuff for me.)

LINK TO OUR OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM

Oh man, let me tell you about my MMG.

I have to say, when you first shared about MMGs with the class and our TA said she was still friends with her MMG to this day and meeting with them for fun, I was pretty skeptical. Typically in group projects, I take the lead, delegate tasks, and unfortunately, end up doing most of the work. At least that had been my experience with groups thus far in college. I just have not really lucked out in the group department, and I couldn’t really picture becoming that close with any randomly assigned group. 

I could not have been more wrong.

There is something about the four of us that just works. 

We have a group message that we text in constantly. We look forward to seeing each other in class and at each of our meetings. (I know this is true for everyone else, because we have all talked about it.) We have already agreed to continue meeting after our class is over. 

Through this group, I have found a support system that I didn’t even know I was lacking. I have found a group of people to just be silly with. I have found people to share major struggles with. People to celebrate successes with. And they started as an assigned group for class. That’s pretty neat.

We established in our charter on day one that:

“The values of creativity will not be achieved without a positive, upbeat, and fun environment through which to learn and focus on what matters most to us. The only way that we will get productive work done is to not take ourselves too seriously.”

I would have to say, we did just that. 

Here’s a little break down of each of our meetings:

February 14th- This was where it all began. We met in shriver on some cool couches. We made our team charter and the sweet notecards below. We started getting to know each other and established our goals for the semester. 

February 21st- We decided to meet with you, Friedman. In your office. We discussed our charter and the rest of the semester. You scared us a little, but no surprises there.

February 27th- This was my most favorite meeting. We met at Graeters. We just had ice cream and ranted and talked and laughed. It was so refreshing to just meet with them for the sake of meeting. I called my mom after to tell her how awesome it was and how much I enjoyed these people. That’s when you know it’s good.

March 7th- This was what we affectionately called our “professional Starbucks meeting.” We talked about resumes and job interviews and all that kind of stuff. Then, Hannah, Jonnie, and I went to your talk in the Marketing class on selling yourself and selling your product within an interview. That was pretty darn awesome, I’ve got to say. Great work, Friedman.

March 14th- This was our quick pow wow to discuss our portfolios and our progress. There was discussion of meeting at a GBD event. That didn’t happen, and I’ll be honest, I’m not that mad about it. GBD is not my cup of tea.

April 14th- This was our “getting our sh*t together” meeting. You may recall a nice phone call that Caleb and the rest of us got to share with you. We talked about how we were all doing, the work we still had left to do, and our biggest struggles along the way. We attempted to help Caleb work through some class struggles, hence the phone call with you. It was our most productive meeting yet, but we definitely still had quite a bit of fun. 

April 17th- We met in your office today while you were teaching class. We showed each other our portfolios, offered some perspective, and officially decided we are going to continue our meetings even after this class is over (yay!). We had a nice little photoshoot, Hannah may have accidentally knocked down some monkeys (don’t worry we put them back), we laughed, and we called it a day. 

I am thankful for these people and that our paths crossed in this class. 

Alright, here’s the thing with personal development plans, I am really good at making them really long and lengthy with lots of different pieces and parts on how I desire to grow and progress in both my strengths and weaknesses. 

One issue with that, I always make them too dang complicated. Then I forget stuff, because I am trying to live it all out right now. I get overwhelmed. I get frustrated. I fall short more often than reaching the mark. 

And how do I know this to be true, you ask? Jterm was just one big personal development plan for me. And I made sooooo many plans for how I could improve, and it all just go to be a little too much.

While I appreciate the format that was given for formulating these personal development plans and definitely see the value, I just know, based off past failure, I could do this in a way that will work a little better for me. 

As with a few other assignments in this portfolio, I have decided to this my own way. In a way that just makes a little more sense for me to actually spur growth.

I want to start off by saying between the beginning of January and now, I have learned so much about myself through a variety of tests.

Through the HBDI (my personal favorite), I have found that I am extremely creative and driven by emotion and personal connection. I am also pretty organized when I need to be. I am NOT one that thrives when having to think logically or focus purely on the numbers/statistics. I also stress off the charts “red,” so that’s fun. (3,2,1,1)

Through sending out the LeadHERship Word List Exercise to about fifteen people in my life who I feel know me well, I found that people most often consider me to be inspiring, empathetic, altruistic, and creative, with the number one word I received back being inspiring. They did not find me to be logical or quiet. 

Through the Standout Assessment, I found that my top two are “The Teacher” and “The Connector.” I learned a lot about myself in this one. Check out a descriptions of this below as I see them relating to me. 

Through these neat tools, I have learned a lot about who I am and who I am not. Through my box assignment, I have made all my weaknesses very clear, and through assessments such as these, my strengths (and weaknesses) are also highlighted.

Alright, now for the actual plan. It’s pretty darn simple, on purpose. Here it is.

MADDIE ZIMPFER’S 8 INTENTIONS OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

1. I will seek discomfort. (Even though being comfortable feels so good sometimes.)

2. I will bloom where I am planted while still allowing myself to prune. (The grass may look greener somewhere else, but that grass could easily be fake.)

3. I will continue to learn as long as I can and make sure that I teach others all I can along the way.

4. I will not avoid numbers and logic and recognize that they are necessary for keeping me realistic.

5. I will give myself time to do things well... aka I need to cut the sh*t with this whole procrastination thing.

6. I will not be so dang hard on myself. 

7. I will continue connecting the dots in life. (people, places, gifts, talents)

Oh man, my box.

It’s a whole lot of things.

It’s…

Fear of the future.

Saying too many yeses.

Being so incredibly sensitive.

Constantly seeking approval.

Always being worried if I am doing enough.

Struggling to stay in my lane and not peak my head out and look at everyone else's.

Being such a damn perfectionist.

Holding on to the reigns of my life so tightly.

Worrying and worrying and worrying again.

Struggling (like, really really struggling) to make decisions.

Doubling and tripling back.

Caring so much about my damn GPA.

Showing up for other people’s deadlines long before I show up for my own.

Letting other people’s perspective get to me.

Ruminating. Ugh, the damn ruminating.

Procrastinating far too often. This is a HUGE yikes in my life. Seriously.

Fearing failure.

Getting stuck in the valleys of my life and not pulling myself out faster.

Setting unrealistically high expectations for myself and being crushed when I don’t meet them.

Expecting perfection from myself right away.

Noticing a theme here? Reading back through these, I definitely did, and it was a wake up call to say the least.

My box is self-doubt. A massive lack of confidence in myself and my abilities. Insecurity.

The walls of this box are thick and strong. I have been trapped in this box for as long as I can remember.

I started my first meeting of the semester crying in office hours at how overwhelmed I was at the unknowns of my life. Embarrassing, yes, but also, a very vulnerable moment for me. Definitely one I won’t forget.

In that moment, you noticed how deeply I was feeling and called it out in me.

You sent me this quote, Friedman.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke

It has stuck with me since. Living into the questions to eventually live into the answer. I love that.

So what am I doing and what have I been doing to break through this box?

I am learning to love the meantime.

I am learning to stay focused on my own lane.

I am learning to make my own decisions.

I am learning to that just because perspective is given doesn’t mean I have to take it.

I am learning that it is rarely possible to please everyone, and that is ok.

I am learning that my yes’s are valuable, and I need to learn them sparingly.

I am learning the power of the word no.

I am learning deciding to do something because I “should” is not a good enough reason.

I am learning that I am valuable enough to believe in.

I am learning all of these things.

In that learning, I am failing, stretching, growing, and overcoming.  

I am being intentional about practicing as often as I can.

I have already seen great change in myself, and I look forward to blooming in this even more.

This is my version of the “Cultural Catch-Up List.” 

I’ll be honest, I struggled with this assignment a little bit. You see, I am not a big pop culture gal. I don’t watch Netflix. Growing up, I played outside instead of watching TV. I LOVE music, but I have never been the one to listen to the big artists. In fact, the amount of times my friends have laughed at me for not knowing the words to a pop song is pretty darn funny. I’ll be the first to say it; it’s more often than not. I am not ashamed of that. 

Don’t get me wrong. If it is something I desire to keep up with, like the latest fashion trends, or new and trendy foods, or a great self-help book- I am there for it. Just not what is typical of the gal my age in many respects.

So... what was my version of this assignment? And who is the beautiful women to my left in that photo with the sweet smile? Let me explain.

The best way to learn about culture, to learn about what someone has lived through, in my humble opinion, is meeting them right where they are through a distraction-less, face-to-face conversation. 

The women in that photo is my sweet abuela, who I fondly call Mima. She grew up in the mountains of Barranquilla, Colombia. She came to the US newly married to my grandpa at the age of seventeen- without knowing a single bit of English, a language she is now fluent in (with a super cute accent, might I add). As long as a can remember, I have thought that is just the coolest.

Just the joy of having a conversation with her has sparked a great deal of cultural connection. I have learned so much about her, about the culture of her country, about what it’s like to not speak the language in the country you’re living in.

I have always done this. I am always seeking to learn through having the pleasure of listening to others’ stories. My grandparents, my parents, mentors in my life, little kids I have nannied, my little sisters, my younger sisters’ friends, my friends, my friend’s friends, even random strangers. I love this stuff. 

Here’s the thing. I always thought this was me simply loving to talk to others and hearing from them. Just listening. It is that, but it’s also creating cultural conversations.

We got this assignment the week before spring break. I got to spend part of my spring break with my sweet Mima in Hawaii. I was telling her about these awesome bananas they have there called “apple bananas.” (They are life-changing, I’m pretty sure. Just some tiny, SUPER tasty bananas. Who knew?) To my surprise, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She said she ate them all the time growing up, and they called them, “guineo manzanos.” She then launched into a detailed story about her after school snacks as a kid with her sisters. I just sat and listened. How cool is that? I got to learn about her culture just through conversation.

So, here’s my take. I am going to continue and continue and continue to have face-to-face conversations as long as I live. They are a gift, and with technology becoming more and more present, they are being forgotten. 

The best way to learn about others, and in turn, learn about culture, is to have a conversation.

At the beginning of this class, in my first ever email to the alleged Jim Friedman, I said, “I love growing and stretching my brain, while the process may be painful, I look forward to the result.” 

I have learned that in life, we are continually in the process of becoming. Of growing and stretching and tearing and blooming. 

This was a semester of exponential growth, and this portfolio is a celebration of that.

Morgan Harper Nichols said it best. I may be in the inbetweens, but I sure as hell am growing while I wait. 

Why a picture of my feet dangling over the ocean you ask? Well, these are my favorite shoes. I wear them all the time. I have never seen anyone else on this campus wear them. There is nothing particularly special about these shoes, I just really love them. I have had multiple people tell me they are such “Maddie shoes.” I think so too. So I based my brand colors off of them. 

There is a whole lot to my brand than colors though, check it out below. 

CLICK HERE FOR THE (HIGHER QUALITY) PDF VERSION

slow walkers

long lines (specifically at any location to get food on campus- ESPECIALLY Starbucks)

too much ice in your drink

when no one can get lunch so you have to eat alone

alarms in the morning having to be so aggressive to wake me up

getting mascara on your eyelids when you put it on

doing bad on something you though you did well on

not getting something you worked really hard for

gross coffee

dining hall food

the fact that there are so many people that are homeless in the winter

the tristate heroin epidemic

when people cancel last minute

finals/midterms/exams- NOT a good way to test knowledge

when a restaurant is out of something you wanted to order

being left out

traffic

people who always have to outdo you

walking all the way across campus in pouring down rain

walking all the way to Ditmer when I want to get my car

having to wait until 7:30 for all the coffee shops on campus to open

the legal drinking age in the United States

professors that assume what your study habits are before you have done anything

busy work- assignments with no meaning

being in environments where the people around me are not as motivated as I am

when I can’t sleep because of the noisy girls in my dorm/ door slamming

sickness in college and being totally alone to deal with it- we need a better system

that people are sold into sex trades everyday

the amount of sexual harassment that happen to womens in college every day and does not ever get justice

the fact that racism is still a thing

the lack of face-to-face conversation in modern day

that college is not more experiential

sorority rush- everything about it

lack of vulnerability

Jim Friedman when he says, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

when the movies/wifi don’t work on a long flight

airplane seating (why are we packed in like sardines?)

airplane temperatures (can something be provided to keep fliers warmer than the cheap and ineffective blanket?)

charging cords getting tangled so easily

charging cords in general

loud chewing

when people don’t speak with an indoor voice in enclosed spaces

being exposed to so many germs in such a small space on the plane

that not every seat is a window seat on the plane/ lack of natural lighting

that the best remedy for sun burns is aloe (could there be a more immediate remedy?)

seasonal allergies (REALLY hate this one)

when being competitive becomes toxic

the wage gap/opportunity gap due to gender/race/sexuality

when Christians judge others instead of loving others regardless of their sin (we are all sinners)

when my ears are ringing after I walk out of a bar

walking back from anywhere late at night alone

ubering alone

the amount of animals that get abused daily

that when I FaceTime my dogs they just get sad and confused- I wish there was a better way to communicate with them from a long distance

having to have a set major/minor in college

that traveling is so expensive

when people do not stay true to their word

dining hall meals (there is very little variety)

being unsure which size to order when online clothes shopping

the fact that the same size in clothing  (especially pants) can be so drastically different among clothing brands

Before I get this thing started, I have to be honest, there is a part of me that hates these kind of exercises. In a life that is so winding, so incredibly unknown, so very out of my control, I find it pretty darn challenging to envision the future and plan for what my life will be like, even it is just three years.

What I can do, as Kathy Bintz would say, is place my stake in the ground. Place my goals that truly are non-negotiable no matter where I find myself and what I find myself taking part of. This personal vision will be based off that.

Alright, now I can share.

So over jterm, I was introduced to a concept I really loved a whole lot. You know how companies often times have mission statements? Turns out, we can have those for our lives too. Here’s mine:

I WILL TRANSFORM THE LIVES OF OTHERS BY ALLOWING THE LIGHT OF THE LORD TO SHINE THROUGH ME IN WHAT I CREATE WITHIN MY CAREER (THROUGH WRITING, BRANDING, FASHION, CONTENT & DESIGN) AND WHO I CHOOSE TO BE ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS.

It’s a mouthful, I know. I long to do this now, and three years from now, I really hope this is exactly what I am doing. Preferably, in a beautiful and nonconventional work space that allows me to not wear business clothes (ew) and give me all the creative freedom I need to do this. Maybe this will be in a corporate setting, maybe in my own business, maybe on London, Colorado, California, or Chicago. I am not sure, but what I am sure of is that mission statement. That personal vision for myself. That is my stake in the ground.

First and foremost, I need to stop getting in my own way. I have come to realize this year that I am my own biggest road-blocker. Self-doubt, which you’ll hear all about in my box, has been a real obstacle for myself in the past. I have learned, especially this semester, that the only thing in my way a whole lot of the time is myself. The only true no that anyone can tell me comes from me. You see, I have learned that I am the culprit of following imaginary rules and guidelines for my life. Doing things the way I “should” do them. I have fallen victim to society’s norm far too many times. I will say, I have grown in this tremendously this semester, and need to continue to take actionable steps in this for what I envision for my life to look like in three years to come to fruition.

I need to learn to not be such a wimp. If you were to talk to me in highschool, you would find someone totally risk averse and completely scared of failure. I came into college pre med knowing full well that I was a germaphobe and HATED chemistry. Why? I thought being a doctor or lawyer would be my only way to success. I was banking on a linear path to life. I didn’t even acknowledge the artistic and strategic side of myself, because I saw that was way to ambiguous. I didn’t like that I didn’t know exactly what I wo0uld be doing after college graduation, know a solid range in salary for myself, would have to things differently than I always had in school (which was study hard, take the exam, get an A in the class). I am FAR LESS a wimp now but I still have wimpy tendencies and get too wrapped up in failures. I need to continue to fail so I can continue to overcome and overcome faster without getting so caught up in before. Overcoming and overcoming and overcoming is essential to my vision, and right now, I am on track for that.

CHECK OUT MY PROCESS HERE

MY TOP SIX VALUES

Faith: The center of everything I do. Every decision I make is based upon this foundation. Without my faith, I am nothing.

Authenticity: This is recognizing that the grass may be greener somewhere else, because the grass may just be fake. As someone who tends to always be seeking more, it is important to stay true to myself in the end and encourage others to do the same.

Creativity: Making and doing and challenging and formulating and writing and painting and singing and running. Creativity, the art of creating, is what brings me the most joy in life.

Growth: Constantly building upon myself. Recognizing that there may be some tearing and pain that comes with that, just as training builds muscle, but also bring soreness. Life is all about the process of becoming, and this can’t happen without growth.

Adventure: I mean this in every sense of the word, to what it meant to me digging through the dirt in my wooded backyard as a kid and building “teepees” out of sticks, to traveling to a foreign country, to simple trying something for the first time. This is all adventure to me, and this is what makes life exciting.

Family: The most important of my earthly relationships. My people. My support system. My mentors. It is also important to note, there are friendships that I consider the family that I got to choose.

THE PAUSE EXERCISE

What My Voice Stands For:  I desire to be a leader that recognizes the significance of being a meaningful part of the whole while encouraging others to contribute, and this is the foundation of my voice. My voice is one that encourages growth and empathizes (or sympathizes where necessary) as best I can with the failure that comes with that. My voice encourages creativity and making the process into an adventure. Finally, and most importantly, my voice is a vessel for spreading the light of the Lord wherever I go.

Where I Need to Slow Down and Let my Values Catch Up: I need to SLOW DOWN my yeses. IMMEDIATELY. This is something I have really been working on this semester. I am learning to be much more intentional with my yeses, and really stopping to consider whether or not my values truly align with where I am agreeing to spend my time on. I am control of my own life, and I don’t need to let my own fear of saying no take the reigns away from that. I am no longer making my decisions upon the basis of, “Oh, I really should do that.” I am now deciding to do things on the basis of, “Oh, I would LOVE to do that, and it totally aligns with my values, and I would love to take time for that.” That’s a major run-on sentence, I know. Bottom line is, time is a gift, and it’s a gift I can no longer afford to waste.

Losses That Have Impacted Me the Most and What I Learned About What is Most Important: I would say that one of the losses that impacted me the most was a death of a family friend last year. I actually hardly knew her. She was my dad’s best friend’s daughter. She was a senior in high school. She was diagnosed with cancer in September, and by February, she had passed. It was absolutely devastating. She went from a BRILLIANT, radiant, athletic, and active teen with all the promise and time in the world to a grave. In a matter of months. It was devastating and absolutely shocking to me. I cried for her, and I cried watching my dad, who has three daughters of his own, help his best friend get through this time. I learned that time is valuable and fleeting rapidly. At this stage of life, where it feels like there are so many days ahead of me still, that is so easy to forget. Our earthly days are numbered, how can we get the most of them? On days like today, a dreary Monday morning at the start of a long and stressful week, I have to remind myself of this lesson. How can intentionally make the most of every day I am given? How can I not get caught up in the meantime? How can I turn my “someday’s” into “today's”? Whenever I am dragging and feeling like wasting a day, I remind myself of sweet Audrey, and I remember how blessed I am to have the gift of living another day.

CHECK OUT MY FIRST ITERATION HERE

WHY ANOTHER ITERATION?

Here’s the thing, I actually don’t think my first iteration was too shabby. I actually kind of really liked it a lot, at least, I did in writing. Read it (if you have time), and you just might agree. I made it sound like PRVP is the best role ever. By the end of writing it, I actually started to believe that… sort of.

But here’s the other thing, I HATE (yes I know that is very strong word) that leadership position a whole lot of the time. I hate that it takes up so much of my time that I could spend putting towards other things that I find more value in in my life. Sometimes, I get extremely frustrated or even hurt by the girls I have to work with. I can’t stand the lack of appreciation that my chapter has for me a lot of the time and the countless hours that I put into this position, but I am also fully aware that they really don’t know how much work the position is. I am so frustrated by the girls below me who don't respect what I have to say in leading them the majority of the time, when I truly do have their best interest in mind.

Have I learned A TON from this leadership position? Absolutely.

Do I completely regret it and plan to drop it right now? Definitely not.

Have I taken intentional steps in pruning this role so that other things I want to do with the hours in my days can have more room and more nutrients from me to bloom? You can bet your bottom dollar I have.

I actually had a little bit of a mid-life-mid-life crisis in relation to this role over jterm on the “Design Your Life” program, and I had a sit-down talk with Beth Troy about it in early February. She said something to me that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She looked me right in the eyes and said, “You don’t have to be A+ Maddie everywhere you go, it’s ok to prioritize and be B Maddie in some areas of your life. Let’s be honest, B Maddie is still pretty darn good.” That was LIFE-CHANGING for me.

This role was frustrating me so much and so misaligned with my values that I wanted to just prune it out of my life completely. When it dawned on me that I couldn’t do that because of the commitment I made to the girls in my chapter, I decided to bloom where I was planted as best I could and take actionable steps to help the situation.

I am definitely  “B Maddie” in the role, and so far, no one in my chapter has really seemed to notice. I made the pressure and expectations so high for myself in the beginning, and then it finally dawned on me that the only one that had made those standards for myself was me. I also created an assistant role for myself in this position and that has made a world of difference. I have been working to find the balance between blooming where I am planted and also allowing myself to prune all the while.

So long story short, while this leadership experience has been valuable and a phenomenal learning experience, I would not say that it has been my personal best. I actually had an experience this semester that was so nonconventional in the way that it happened that when looking back on it, I would say it was my actual personal best leadership experience.

MY *ACTUAL* PERSONAL BEST LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE

Where did it take place? Zionsville Presbyterian Church

When did it take place?  February 15th-17th, 2019

What was your specific role?

“Adult Table Leader”

Leading high school girls throughout the weekend in meaningful conformation to “awaken” them from their spiritual slumber and open their eyes into all the Lord has in store for their lives.

What were the actual results? 

The actual results were lifechange, for both me and the girls that I got to lead through the weekend. Lifechange in the sense that community was built, vulnerable and hard things were shared, and faith was made stronger.

Why was this situation important?

This situation was important for multiple reasons. First of all, back in highschool when I was going through this retreat, it completely changed my life. I felt the presence of the Lord SO strongly, and I truly do feel like it was a weekend that changed my life. I wanted that same transformational power to enter into the lives of these girls. I went in with the power of that vision in my own life and wanted to inspire them to seek that same transformational vision in their own.

Secondly, this situation was important, because my mom, THE most important person in my life, needed me to be a part of her team. There was a hole in the equation that I could fill, and I felt very strongly that I needed to step up and fill that for her.

Third of all, this was a position where I didn’t let my fear of failure, and in reality my VOJ, get in the way of what I truly desired to achieve.

If you initiated the experience, why did you do it?  What motivated you?

THIS is what makes this leadership experience super unique for me, I TOTALLY did not initiate it. In fact, I resisted it quite a bit.

Here’s what went down. My mom was in charge of this retreat, and had asked several adult women, like senior in college to their early thirties, to lead the conversation among these highschool girls this weekend. I had NO problem with her not asking me, I most certainly did not consider myself an adult, or to be as knowledgeable as them.

But then, last minute, one of these leaders dropped. Just ghosted my mom completely. My mom came to me, saying she really needed me to fill this role and saying that she really felt a nudge from the Lord that I would rise to the occasion.

I was TOTALLY terrified. Me? Leading high-school girls? In a weekend where I knew I would likely be asked to be vulnerable about my life and also have to help them through significantly difficult questions and obstacles that they were facing in their own lives? I felt like I would be a total poser, completely incapable of leading them. My self-doubt was TREMENDOUS.

I was honestly just motivated by not wanting to let my mom down, as I know she would do anything for me.

What were your hopes and dreams in accomplishing this?

To be completely candid, my biggest hope was to not screw this up. Leading among so many women and mentors that I had looked up to my entire life scared the beans out of me. My goal was to get through the weekend by making it meaningful for these girls while and not completely ruining it for them along the way. I felt an immense amount of pressure by how incredible this retreat had been for me in high school, and I wanted them to feel the same way about their experience.

How would you describe your emotions at the beginning of the situation?

Like I mentioned above, I was scared out of my mind. I felt completely overwhelmed and totally under qualified to be in this position. In the beginning, I just prayed that I would be a vessel for the Lord; that He would give me the words to say and the wisdom to answer these girls questions.

What actions did you take that contributed to the team’s and the situation’s success. In the space below, describe your behaviors as a leader. What things did you do to create momentum so extraordinary things were accomplished? Be specific.

I went into the situation very humbly. I am not sure if this was completely intentional, but I think that is what made this such an effective behavior as a leader. In a way, you could say this was modeling the way and enabling others to act. I saw myself more as one of that girls as someone who was above the girls. I was a part of their conversations, not the director of their conversations. I was sitting at the same circular table as the rest of them, being just as vulnerable (which was SO scary in front of highschool girls who weren’t expecting me to share some of what I did) as the rest of them. I took part without taking ownership of the whole, and it changed everything.

I made the power of the vision I had for the weekend very clear. I shared how extraordinarily powerful this weekend could be if we just agreed to trust each other and to be genuinely, authentically, and recklessly vulnerable. To truly share everything that was on our hearts, no strings attached, no judgement from anyone listening. I made this vision clear, and these girls came into this vision wholeheartedly by the end of the weekend, equally recognizing its power. It was pretty darn special to be a part of.

I encouraged the hearts of the girls I was leading throughout this weekend constantly. Every time they shared what they were wrestling with, I recognized the immense courage that it took to share that with the group, and I thanked them for taking the time to share. It was like a chain reaction, once one girl shared and was affirmed in doing so, each girl at the table eventually shared too. It was SO awesome, I could cry just thinking about it.

Finally, I challenged the process a little bit, and as someone who it pretty risk averse, that was scary! I did this through humor. This is such a heavy and serious weekend, and while I wanted the girls to feel what needed to be felt, I also wanted their overall experience from this weekend to be one that was extremely positive. This meant, at times that may have not totally been appropriate; I was cracking jokes, dancing around like idiot, and singing at the top of my lungs. I didn’t let my fear of what these high school girls thought of me get in the way of this. I truly just went for it. At first, I think the girls at my table were a little shocked by this pure silliness and slight immaturity, but eventually, they joined in too. It was awesome.

Did you face any major challenges or setbacks?  How did you and the team overcome them?

At first, during these hard conversations, the girls at my table were not opening up. I felt like I was not reaching them. I was trying my best to spark conversation, but certain girls were still not really opening up, and a few didn’t say anything at all. This is where model the way came in and saved the day. I would ask a question and when there was no response, I would just be super vulnerable. I would share something that I had wrestled with, or something dark about myself that not many people in my life know about me, something that made me feel icky inside. It only took me doing this once or twice and establishing that I trusted these girls fully and they could expect the same from me that they opened up too. We got around this issue so quickly in the weekend, and all it took was a little bit of bravery to take the first step and encouraging these girls to do the same.

What were the guiding principles that governed your actions?  How did you lead by example?

I feel like I am going to get pretty repetitive here, but my guiding principles at first, like said above, were purely to not screw this up. Eventually, these principles morphed into making this a once in a lifetime weekend of transformation within these girls’ lives and within their faith journeys.

To see how I feel this was accomplished, check out my response to the actions I took section above.

What did you learn about leadership style and practice from this personal best experience?

You’ll notice that this is the same as my other iteration. I really don't think this has changed. If anything, I would add that I lead most effectively when I keep myself humble.

I learned that I am a gentle, yet effective, leader. My friend Kate described my leadership style as being the “silent killer.” She said, “You don’t have to be loud or aggressive about it, but you sure know how to make the change happen.” I don’t think I will ever forget that. I have learned to embrace that “silent killer” identity in all that I have the opportunity to lead.

If you were going to teach a class about leadership based on this experience, what lessons would you share about being an effective leader?