This Is A Shitty Dream

When I told you I was done running. I meant running away from you. And I stuck around until you didn't want me anymore. Even when you said you didnt think you could love me. I still stuck around. Here I am. I deleted my account as a way to delete my past. As a way to try to move on from who I was but you were part of that and I couldn't let you go. The past is important. It defines us. It made us who we are wether we like it or not. What keeps me getting up in the morning is that i dont want anyone else to be responsible for me. And maybe one day I'll be able to care for you properly and give you what you want. I can squeak by for myself. I can keep food on the table and my son sheltered. But I can't just give the minimum for you because if I do I think you woulda left me. But you've left anyway. What do I have to do. I've felt like I've never really been loved and even that you took from me. You asked me if we could try. you asked me. If we could try. Why didn't I say yes. 3 years after I proposed like a fool. I shoulda just said yes. It was never something to joke over because the idea of us was never a joke to me.

Blame the moon for this haiku.