I remember the first week after I found out the truth.
The truth being his devoted loyalty towards me was hardly devoted at all. The truth being that he cheated for months on end.
I remember the first week clearly. Sadly, I’ll never forget the pain and heartbreak that he brought upon me.
I stopped eating for a week. My friends were scared for my well-being. Food just didn’t interest me anymore. In fact, nothing did.
I lost 30 pounds in two months. I was less than a pound short of my weight being in double digits.
5’6” and 100 pounds. Long story short, I was a walking skeleton.
My nails were almost non-existent. Constantly shaking. Self-care was at an all time low.
I recall bawling in my fathers arms on multiple occurances, something I’ve never done before. Begging for this to all be a mistake. My dad was at a lost for words. All he could do was hold me.
Still, I got up out of bed, threw every picture, gift, clothing, and memory that was in my room, and I brought it to your house. I remember you begging me not to leave.
Leaving was my only choice. When someone is so detrimental to your health, whether it be physically or mentally, you are only given one rational option. Leaving.
It has been five long, hardworking months. Five months without the person I wanted to share a life with forever. Five months without the person I loved more than myself.
In those five months, I made bad decisions, I drank more than I should’ve, I chose a life of solitude, but most importantly: I chose to love myself.
Yes, I will still cry on occasion. No, it’s not a pretty sight. This is healing. This is strength. This is me, doing something I’ve never done before. Choosing myself.
When I would beg the world to slow down, or even stop, I was still strong. I would get up the next morning, go to school, go to work.
I could’ve chosen to let this ruin me. He took my view on love away from me, I wasn’t letting him take my happiness away either.
You were a lesson I shouldn’t have had to learn, but I did.