dominiquearetha

1) the spotting ive been experiencing for the last 6 weeks becoming a full blown mega period

2) having to buy fucking tampax and being reminded of how nasty that shit is and how it fucks with my body

3) the mega pain of this monster fucking period

there’s been a lot going on and i’ve been kinda quiet on here because of it but i feel that during a rare time when i have some time to myself i’m going to take this time to reflect.

So here I am in a new year with a lot of changes happening 

1) I’m about to complete on a new flat with R 

This is some hella scurry shit. I’ve basically decided I am spending my  life with this person. I just know one day we will be wife and wife and I actually can’t wait for it to happen. The first step is this flat. We’re in the final stages of the purchase so I feel pretty secure in it right now and I’m super excited to be realising all of my pinterest dreams soon. It’s going to be a lot of work but I think it will also be a lot of fun so fingers crossed it all works out - I’ll be updating soon. 

2) I passed my mother fucking probation at my new job which = I am now in my first full time permanent real life job EVER in an industry I actually want to work in

This has been a major win for me. Anyone that knows me well knows that my career has been a serious stressor in my life. I spent 4 years in retail after I finished university and I absolutely hated it. Minimum wage, shitty customers, anti-social hours - honestly, I have serious respect for people that make retail their career because it is by far one of the toughest and least rewarding places to be in especially in certain areas. During this time I worked for free for one year which included moving to the other side of the world and then managed to hook myself up with bits of work and eventually this hella awesome role with hella awesome people that I really fucking love. I feel so lucky to be in this position and I can’t wait to grow in it and for things to get even better.

3) R and I are in an amazing place

Our relationship has been really rocky at times and that is mainly due to me. I have not been the best girlfriend. In fact, I’m sure sometimes I have been the worst. 

Last year I was a super dick and I basically got the most serious verbal bitch slap to the face which actually knocked a whole lot of sense into me. I finally appreciate the amazing woman I have by my side. She is literally the definition of ‘ride or die’ and I am so fucking lucky to be with her. Now that I’ve stopped barricading myself off behind a ‘protective’ but really actually quite destructive wall and really believe someone can love me and not have a hidden agenda (yeah, fuck you abusive shitty fucking ex) it’s made a world of difference to us and we have never been happier. 

4) I’m finally living 

I feel that the years 23/24 - 27 have really been a blur, and I don’t mean that because they’ve gone so fast. I actually feel like they never happened and I think that’s because I was so amazingly depressed. I don’t think I’ve ever really gone into the details here on how depression has affected me over the years but those around me have seen it and have definitely felt it and, it’s only now where I’ve probably been in the longest up phase of the cycle in a while, that I can see where I was and where I am now. For 3-4 years I was anxious, scared, angry tired, slow, confused, trapped and really lonely and I finally feel now i can breathe. I finally feel like I can meet new people without being drunk. I finally feel like I can be truly confident. I finally feel like I can love and be loved. I finally feel like I can go out and experience new things. I finally feel like I am myself again, and I’ve really missed me. I have a good feeling about what is to come and I’m so looking forward to all of the fun I have planned. I plan to grab life by the horns whilst I can and really make the most of everything. I’m just really really happy and I’m going to appreciate every moment of this.