This aint Personal

“Block Party”

Shadows lurk upon the night

Tangled emotions

I lost my sight.

The raspy smell of burning wood

Couldn’t push you off like I should.

Pressure builds, you force me down

Letting you take part of me

I’m not a princess, I don’t want this second crown

Praying for you to stop, Praying for an end

Wish you weren’t family; I hope this is all pretend

Second time my innocence was stolen

Like another monster in the past

Praying for reprieve, memories swollenly last

My shoulders and thighs

Scratched, sore, and bruised

I wanna wash clean this mess in my head

I always feel dirty and used

Damaged by your weight

Just another villain

The liquor on your breath, fear turns to hate

I, myself, poisoned with too much booze

I bit your arm real hard, but it’s a fight I ultimately loose

I’m filled with so much shame

I was so young, yet so tarnished

Why was I the one you crazily blamed?

Nightmares still haunt me

Unlike you, I can’t forget

For I should have spoken up

One of my life’s biggest regrets

Ashley M. Jameson

 Written on: 1/4/23

I wrote this poem, even though deeply personal, I must share in hopes that it will help maybe one person out there.

More times than not, sexual assault & Rape are the deep roots that morph into an addiction. Theresa slot of reasons why. Personally, my reservations were embarrassment and fear of no belief. Sexual assault where I believe as well, entail stigma and that’s a factor in drug use and suicide.

I’ve been to therapy, rehab, meetings; yet I’m still haunted. Especially at night where I suffer from extreme nightmares that officially diagnosed as PTDS.

I’ve let my perp still control me, as he did on that day of the block party.  He no longer controls me as I forgive him with my heart & soul. Not for him, but for me so I can move on and enjoy life. I don’t want to turn my shoulder everywhere I go. I don’t want to silently sob or engage in promiscuous activities. I just don’t wanna anymore.

SO, ladies, and gents:

IF YOU HAVCE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSULTED/ AND OR RAPED IT IS OMM TO SPEAK UP. DON’T BE EMBARRESSED AND DON’T FEAR LOVED ONES OPINIONS OR ACTIONS. SPEAK WITH TRUSTED PEOPLE, THIS INCLUDES COPS. NOT ONLY DOES JUSTICE NEED TO BE SERVED AND THE PERP GETTING A WELL DESERVED PUNISHGMRNT, BUT YOU JUST MAY SAVE ANOTHER VICTIM. A VICTIMS WHOS LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MATTER OF SECONDS, AND HAUNT THEM TOO INDEFINITLEY.

RAINN

www.rainn.org

Assault hotline: (800) 656-HOPE (4673)

Addiction is the devil on earth,

Lurking deep within your loved one as early as birth.

Addiction is a prison,

And you're stuck in your mind-

Leaving your body and your loved ones far behind.

Addiction is cruel, and you probably feel that it's morally bad,

But just so you know, it's because we're deeply broken & sad.

Addiction is heinous,

Like a horrific blood crime-

Who violently steals your soul

But most importantly your time.

Addiction is stigma,

It's what really kills-

When someone you know suffers,

Most run for the hills.

Addiction is stealing,

And not just material things.

It steals the capacity for love.

And your dead loved ones pawned rings.

Addiction is a disease that targets the family most- For the addict is numb; a willingly inviting host.

Addictions is a merry go round,

The more it is quiet, the louder the sound.

Addiction is like Dantes inferno, spinning all seven cycles in just one day-

The addict trying to escape,

But I can't seem to find my way.

Hey all,

Welcome to my new blogging site! I am super excited to start my writing journey and to share it all with people whom love & support me.

I will try to add pieces once a day, however, I am a mom before a writer.

I want to start blogging for many reasons. Two of the main reasons are: to try to open peoples hearts and educate them about addiction and how drug addicts are, well human. Most importantly I would like to help people whom are still suffering with the disease of addiction.