killing me with the words you wrote...

You had packed up all the things you were going to need, and Calum had a bag packed leading you under the assumption that he had a trip he had to go on for work. He offered to drive you to the airport since he had an early flight too. At four in the morning your alarm goes off, leading you to groan and roll into him. “Cmon, let’s get up. At least you’re going to an island. I’m going to New York. That’s like the last place I wanna go.” He chuckles as he gets up, rubbing the sleep out of his eye. You look at him with tired eyes through the dark, seeing his ruffled hair from sleep before as he stands, looking to get dressed. He’s in just his boxers as he steps into his closet, finding a pair of gym shorts and a hoodie along with an adidas baseball cap. He pulls the pile into the bathroom to shower, leaving you to get up with a stretch to do the same.

He’d setup the coffee maker to brew coffee before you guys left, leaving you with a little bit of a smile as you walked to the kitchen. Your bags are by the door already, your pup with Sierra and Petunia while all of you were out. You make yourself coffee, and sit waiting on him. Soon you’re in the car on the way to LAX, half asleep with a disposable cup of coffee in your hand. Calum parks, and looks over to you. He takes your free hand, and kisses the back of it, keeping it close when he looks at you. “I’m gonna miss you.” You comment, and he gives a smile, almost laughing but you can’t tell if it was just because he was tired. He doesn’t say anything, just gives a nod before you both climb out of the car.

It’s not until you get to the check-in desk that you realize you have yet to hear from your friend. You begin to panic, as the attendant asks for your flight information, since she’d set everything up, you’d assumed that she’d be at the airport on time. As you’re starting to explain, Calum speaks up. “It’s under Hood.” He starts, handing over his credit card before lifting your suitcase up when he’s prompted. The attendant recites both of your names, and then the flight information. “Your 6 am flight to New York is on time. You’ll have about an hour layover before your flight connection to Malé.” You shake your head looking at him, then the attendant. “No, no that’s not right he’s going to New York, I’m going to Aruba-“ You’re cut off before you can even mention Aruba. “Yeah that sounds right.” Calum nods and the woman asks for your passports to confirm the information. He hands over his and looks to you with a grin. “You brought yours right?” He has this maniacal grin on his features as you shake your head in disbelief as you search through your purse for your passport, finding it in the place you last left it. You hand it over as Calum takes your bag and puts it on the scale as well, the bag being weighed. “Do you have any batteries, medications or anything you might need in this bag? It will be a long while before you see it again.” She comments and you look at her. “How long are we talking?” She does some clicking before reciting the information. “Your flight to New York is five hours long, and then your flight to Malé is 18 hours and twenty minutes.” Your eyes widen and you look at Calum who’s packing away his credit card and passport, a casual hand holding out yours to you. You take it from him and smile at the attendant as she hands over your boarding passes and then directing you as to where to go to security. You thank her before catching up with Calum who’s already headed to security.

“Excuse me!” You whisper shout his direction, wherein he finally turns to look at you with a raised eyebrow. “What? You wanted to go on vacation.” He shrugged, looking at you with a chuckle. You lightly punch his arm as he laughs. “18 hours??? You couldn’t have ran this by me first? I don’t even know where we’re going, Cal.” You state, as you get in line for security. “We’ll look at your ticket.” He explains, and you do. Malé, Maldives on Qatar Airlines. You look at Calum, your jaw slacking. “Calum! I can’t afford-“ he immediately cuts you off by starting to recite the booking information. “A private villa along teal blue water, the water so clear you can see your feet. Just one bedroom, a massive kitchen and dining space, a living room with glass floor to see the water and wildlife. A soaking tub, king bed, porch bed swing, infinity pool and steps to the water. Beautiful marble in suite bathroom, with sauna, plush robes and glorious rain shower head. All including butler service and personal chef service on request.” He explains and you swear your face and body is frozen. He thinks for a moment before chuckling. “Oh, I forgot. And me. Annie couldn’t make it.” You’re nearly squealing, save for the fact you aren’t because you’re in public, but you’re jumping up and down before pulling him into a kiss as you make it to the front of the line. The TSA agent gives you a look before Calum hands over his boarding pass and passport and she smiles. “Ah, honeymooners. Congrats.” He laughs, and before you can argue, your boyfriend is dragging you along.

You hadn’t noticed, but Calum had gotten you first class seats. This was the next surprise when you board the plane in the first group. So in-between your long nap, he’d woken you for food, a full service breakfast. As if the initial surprise wasn’t enough. You curled into him as you landed in New York, ready to sit and mentally prepare yourself for a 18 hour flight. As you deplane, you look to him as you head to your next gate. “I’m surprised. You chose the longest flight possible, huh?” You joke and Calum shakes his head. “Nah I think that would’ve been Singapore.” He offers with a smirk and you shake your head. You’re walking through the terminal as Calum is reciting things he has planned for the week before you can hear the faint sound of fangirling in the distance. You try not to groan, but it’s only inevitable. The two of you start to look for the source, still hand in hand, when you see two girls sneakily taking photos and nearly dropping them when they’re caught. Your boyfriend laughs and looks at you, almost as if asking for permission before you nod. Walking over the two of you greet them and make small talk. Calum takes photos and some videos before explaining that you had to get going, but the girls were polite and respectful, thanking him over and over before you guys could walk away. Fan interactions usually went one of two ways. So you were glad that it had been somewhat calm.

The next flight was beyond dull. You found yourself binging a movie marathon in first class sleeper seats with Calum. The ticket has come with WiFi included in flight, food and entertainment. So the two of you sat watching one of the movies - or so you thought, as you found Calum asleep in his chair, headphones slumped against his pillow. You smile, taking a photo before sending it to your group chat and shaking your head. “Thanks for the heads up. Guess you guys can keep a secret.” It was more so directed to Luke, since he’d agreed Sierra could watch Duke since she already had Petunia. What a liar. It’s about seven minutes later that you get the responses. “What, you guys needed the trip.” Luke’s response comes in. Ashton was next. “To be fair I had to stop myself from buying a ticket too. Fuckin’ Maldives man? That’s gonna be epic.” You smile and engage them in conversation for a little while more before you find yourself napping. You’re woken to food service and Calum slurping on his Pepsi. “Gross.” You chime and he chuckles. “Oh cmon, you know it’s attractive.” He winks, adjusting his hat before digging in to the mid-flight dinner.

The last leg of the trip was getting from the airport to the villa. And honestly it was the least uncomfortable. Just a general cab ride through the resort, leading to your luxurious home for your stay. You hadn’t asked Calum how long your trip was going to be, but that really didn’t matter. You were in the damn Maldives, with the love of your life. You had gathered so many photos song your journey, so once you’ve got photos of the view, and have collapsed onto your bed, you’re posting it to your Instagram stories. “One long ass 24 hour trip later. Hello Maldives.” You posted it as you watched your dark haired boy out on the porch, taking in the view. You slowly move to change into a swimsuit before joining him outside. There’s 24 hours difference between here and LA. So while it’s 6 AM again at home, it was only 6 PM here. Which meant you had a couple hours of daylight still before you could really crash. So, you order dinner, which comes in a floating basket, so you and Calum can eat in the pool. You’re laughing and enjoying yourself, watching waves roll in contentedly, finally alone, unbothered with the one person you wanted to be with most.

He comes up behind you as you’re leaning against the pool wall, arms wrapping around you as his chin rests on your shoulder. “Do you want to go dinner tomorrow?” He questions, out of the blue, and you lean back into him, the rise and fall of his chest coming as a comfort to you. “What were you thinking?” You question, not looking at him but watching as the water rolls under the villa. “There’s a place around here with a dock that you can watch the sunset on the water. It’s a different resort so I’d have to call a car.” He explains, kisses beginning to linger on your neck. You hum and decide to go ahead with whatever he’s got planned. “Alright. Sounds good to me.” You turn in his arms, his head moving from your shoulder to stand up all the way, wrapping your arms around his neck carefully. “I can’t believe you did this. This is absolutely beautifully insane of you.” You state as a wide grin shines on his features, a laugh accompanying it. “Well I’m your absolutely beautifully insane idiot so I think it’s fitting.” With that, the rest of your evening slips into the sunset on the water.

The next morning Calum insists on going to a beach. You have no idea why, seeing as your villa is at the end of a long row of floating resort, and it’s at least a 15 minutes walk to even get to the beaches. But, you indulge him, happily walking hand in hand as you look over the resort. When you get to the beach, there’s a reserved spot for the two of you, a pair of frozen cocktails waiting. You give him a look and then roll your eyes in amusement as he shrugs off his shirt. “This wasn’t me. I don’t know what you’re looking at me for.” He laughs before tossing his stuff to the chair, taking his drink and heading to the water. You play in the waves for a while, talking to other couples in the area and just feeling… normal, for once. Sure, Calum gets recognized but it’s by adults older than you, and simply is greeted with a ‘oh cool man, what’s your like?” No asking for pictures, no overwhelming questions about life, about songs about next albums. Just bliss. And that’s what a good amount of the day is like. Wafting in waves, your butler bringing drinks, food when requested. You had been overly cautious in forcing Calum into putting sunscreen on him, his retorts meeting something of ‘my skin was made for this’ and your responses of ‘your skin knows LA sun not tropical sun.’ But by the time you’re heading back for dinner, you’re beat. Calum’s going on about doing a snorkeling tour tomorrow or a boat trip and all you do is smile. You’re flashing over the photos in your phone, some of the shore, of Calum, of both of you and the groups of temporary friends you’d made. You come back to the villa with a content sigh, moving to the bathroom to get ready for the night.

You wore a simple dress, it was off the shoulder and had a lace overlay, a light pink color. It hugged your body nicely and you paired it was some strapped heeled sandals. You did your hair just the way you normally did, knowing that the dress was enough change for one night. When you step out, Cal’s sitting on the porch, a phone in his hand, a blonde face sitting on the screen. You can’t hear what they’re talking about, thanks to the hurricane glass door, but they’re both laughing. Calum looks happy, and as you push the door handle, he says goodbye to Luke. He then turns to look at you, standing up with a grin. He himself is wearing a nice collared shirt, some dress shorts and boat shoes. “I didn’t even know you owned boat shoes.” You tease as he extends a hand, leading you towards the front door of the villa. “I bought them last week.” He makes his offhand comment making both of you laugh.

You reach the deck of the restaurant that Calum was talking about, and my is it beautiful. Your table sits on the edge of the water, a bottle of champagne on ice, lights draped over the set up as you look over the water. Your first response is to look at him with surprise, only to take a photo. You had to document this trip. It was rare you went anywhere alone, let alone like this. The two of you sit down, and Calum pours each of you a glass. Once it’s in your hand, you clink glasses, laughing at how odd the whole thing is before watching the sunset. The water is stunning, and you are just amazed. Dinner goes off without a hitch, and the two of you are still deep in conversation. When it lulls, you’re watching the last bit of sunset there is, when Calum curses under his breath. You look at him, seeing him get up and kneel down. “Stupid boat shoes are untied.” You laugh and turn back to the water, your chin in your hand and a smile on your face. Calum speaks your name, and when you turn to look at him, he’s still kneeling. And there’s a felt box in his hand. Your eyes go wide, hands flying to your mouth. “Cal-“ he takes your hand with a laugh, “easy, I haven’t even said anything yet.” He’s chuckling, making you laugh despite the tears forming in your eyes. “I knew that meeting you was one of the best things I would ever do in my life. You have consistently been there for me in every moment I’ve needed a hand, and a shoulder to cry on. My days with you never fail to make me smile, and that’s not stopping any time soon. When Mike asked Crystal to marry him it hit me that I wanted to marry you. Not because of Mike, that was just what made me realize it. I’ve always wanted to marry you. From the minute I sat down with you on that balcony at Luke’s birthday. When you went on your first tour with us. Every minute we spent at awards shows looking stunning as ever.” He clears his throat finally. “I figured out why it’s taken me so long to get us to go on vacation. It’s because every day feels like it’s too good to be true. Despite the work and the routine, I come home and am in that relaxed state of mind we’re in right now. You’re my vacation. My escape and my getaway. And so long as you’re with me I don’t need the villa, the beach or the pools. Sure they’re great but they’re no you. I love you with everything I have. And I want you to marry me.” You’re a hot mess. There’s tears coming down your cheeks, your hands are shaking, and as you nod he holds up a hand to his ear, leaning in. “What was that?” You laugh before speaking. “Fucking of course, Calum.” You let quick to grab his face, pulling him to you to press your lips to his, only to pull him in for a hug after words, a small cry leaving you. He’s holding you tightly before pulling away to put the ring on your finger. You’re looking at it in amazement, your hand being so wobbly that you have to hold it to get a good look. Calum moves to his chair again, shifting and facing away as he wipes at his own eyes. You reach out and take his hand, kissing the back of it. “I love you.” You mumble.

When you’re back at the villa, you’re still gazing at your hand when Calum comes in with his laptop. He sets it in front of you of, and what you see is the most beautiful sunset, and you and Calum at your table for dinner, him on his knee. You look up to him in surprise. “There was a photographer??” You question, taking the laptop and shuffling through the photos. “It was Luke’s idea.” He chuckles, laying on his stomach as you look through the photos. You’re quick to send them to your phone, and sending them to your friends and family squealing to them as you type.

When your trip was over, on the flight back, you and Calum agree to finally post about it, having been engaged for over a week now. It would be better for you to announce it versus someone seeing the rock on your hand in the airport. So, you’ve got a few photos picked out, and have the Instagram post loaded, only before posting it.

“In the most beautiful place, at the most glorious sunset, I said yes to the most wonderful human. Thank you for a vacation. And thank you for forever.”

Your head turns to look at a sleeping Calum, seeing your feed refreshing out of the corner of your eye. You look back to your phone. It’s a photo of the ring in its box, and then another photo of you at a tiki bar, drink in your hand, your left hand pushing back hair. The caption is simple.

You and Nic were staying in for the night - or so you thought. “I have a surprise for Kira!” He shouts, coming in from work. “Yeah?” You ask, looking to him as he smiles at you. “Well, and a surprise for you I guess.” He laughs, collapsing onto the couch next to you, handing you the envelope. “Look what I managed to score. A buddy of mine was selling them last minute because his girlfriend can’t go - something about her mom turns out…” you’ve tuned him out by now. The envelope holds four VIP passes to that night’s 5SOS concert. “Why is this a surprise for me?” You ask finally and he grins. “I offered to take Kira and her friend in place of the parents. You and I know the music far better than they do and they really didn’t want to go. I figured it would be fun for us to go.” He grins, clearly meaning well. The gesture would’ve been beyond sweet, if it wasn’t the last thing you wanted to do.

You knew every single word to every song - you’d known most of the CALM album before it was even released. Because you’d been dating the lead singer for nearly three years. Things had… gotten out of hand rapidly, and well, you broke up. Just as he was starting to tour, you’d taken it upon you to move out, get a new apartment, and just forget him as best as you could. It wasn’t an easy feat considering his high status. That and most people in the fandom had recognized you for some time. Luckily for Kira, she was too young to know who Luke had or hadn’t been dating, and fawned over most of the band without consolation. “Great! I should go get ready then?” You offer a smile, trying to seem as excited as you could be. He gives a nod, smiling as he says he’s going to text his sister the good news.

You put on such a familiar outfit to go to the show. A bright red cropped tee, black skinny jeans and a pair of strapped heeled sandals. It was a staple in your tour closet. Just the thought of it made goosebumps rise. You know that Kira’s tickets are on the floor - maybe even General Admission now that you think of it. That combined with sound check would most definitely be an interesting time. And the meet and greet. Oh you’re going to need plenty of drinks to get you through this.

The venue is packed outside. Only general admission is being taken right now, but that doesn’t stop the hoards of girls and fans at the back gate of the venue, multiple touring RVs parked out back with one or two trailers for stage equipment. You knew the layout like the back of your hand as you walked passed it. “Hey, you okay?” Nic’s hand squeezes yours looking to you with concern. “Yeah! Just, distracted, I guess. Haven’t been to this arena in a while.” You confess with a laugh, walking to security with your phone clenched tightly in your hand, digital ticket shining. You’d sworn you’d never come to another show if it was in your power. But, Kira and her friend are rattling on, talking about tour merch and clearing out space in their camera roll for fan interactions at sound check. The land yard on your neck suddenly feels heavier as you walk the tunnels to get to the arena’s floor, the scene playing out too familiarly.

Different genres of music play over the speakers, playlists that the group had collaborated with - music that inspired the album. It just made you a little upset. You had this music on repeat in Luke and your apartment. He’d never wanted to miss a moment for inspiration to strike. Nic and Kira and her friend are all deep in conversation as you stare at your phone. Subconsciously you’d opened Snapchat, looking to your recents. Instead, you take it in both hands, and take a photo of the stage, swiping to the tour filter. You add it to your story. Well, here goes nothing. Part of you wants to know if he’ll watch it. If he knows you’re there. Your friends are all swiping up, comments coming left and right. “Ummm why??” And “Don’t do it. Don’t. I know you want to. Just don’t.” And the worst “please tell me you’re not with Nic.”

You were though. He was standing next to you, a hand in your back pocket and going through his snap stories with not a care in the world. If only he knew that the blonde haired lead was the only thing you were thinking about. Before you know it, there’s scream erupting in the arena, not nearly as loud as they would be during the show - but enough to grab your attention. As they come on, you check your story. Luke with his stupidly funny Bitmoji sits in the viewed list. Well. Here goes nothing.

His voice fills the arena. “Hey everyone, how are we doing tonight?” He looks happy. A grin is on his face as he moves to sit at the edge of the stage. He’s talking with fans left and right, and you swear you’re sinking into the soles of your shoes. Nic’s hand is still in the pocket of your jeans but it doesn’t feel like his hand. The memory of Luke’s in its exact spot, and the sly grips he used to give it while you were out taking photos with fans in public - just to get a rise out of you after words. Those hands - currently gripping onto a microphone as he conducts sound check like he’s done at least a hundred times before. Maybe it hasn’t hit you yet, that he’s right in front of you. It does, when blue eyes meet yours for a split second. While they’re beyond brief, you felt like you’d jumped back in time in that second. It feels like you’ve blinked and sound check is already over, and they’re giving instructions to get ready for the meet and greet portion- fuck. The meet and greet portion. How the hell had you forgotten that part?

You keep cool while in line. Focused on Kira’s experience on not ruining that. Nic has caught on that something isn’t right, but he’s never been the type to ask what’s going on. At least not in public. So for now, he’s got his arm wrapped around you, and you swear that the closer and closer you get to the front of the line, the less and less close you want to be to him. You don’t want Luke to see. What’s worse, seeing your ex for the first time in six months? Or seeing that ex with their new partner for the first time in six months? You figure it’s the latter. “I need to go to the bathroom.” You blurt out, eyes looking to the group in front of the photo op set up, talking and mingling with the fans that were near them. “What? But we’re so close to the front, can’t you hold it?” Kira whines, looking at you. “Not really. I promise, I’ll be really fast.” You suggest, looking to Nic who is giving you a weird look. “You sure you’re okay?” He questions kindly and you give him a meek - but completely fake - smile. “Promise. Stomach’s being weird. If I’m not back by the time you guys get up there just go without me.” You wave a hand in his direction as you back up. He says your name with concern, drifting a little closer. “I’m fine, promise.” You blow him a kiss before turning rapidly the other way toward the bathrooms.

If bathroom was code word for ‘bar’ then you wouldn’t have been lying to your boyfriend. You sat in line, nervously texting your best friend everything that had been happening, while waiting to order a drink. She’s questioning your every decision and frankly, so are you. Why did you even come to this stupid thing, when you knew he was going to be here? With a sigh you quickly hand over your ID while reciting your drink order. Once it’s in your hand, you’re practically chugging it. You make your way back to your seats, if you can even call them that, and decide to put on an act for Nic. You can get through this. There was no way that Luke was going to come in contact with you throughout the show. Eye contact? Maybe. Physical contact? No. So there would be no discussion, no guilt, no nothing. Nic and his sister and her friend return with a grin, Kira going on and on about the band of men that had once felt like family to you.

It wasn’t long before the already somewhat crowded arena was full, the opening act had come and gone, and the lights were dimming for the main part of the show. You were currently nursing your second drink, telling Nic to keep them coming for the night. Thank god you weren’t driving. The opening song comes along, screaming that you were adjusted to, the same song and dance. You don’t hesitate to sing along as the music blares, Nic grinning when he sees this. He assumes you’re finally enjoying yourself, so when you see his grin yours falls. If only he knew. You’re about halfway through the show when the transition music slows. You know this intro. You know the monologue. You know the beginning note. But this monologue is different. “So, a while back, we wrote this song. It was off the Youngblood album, and a lot of you, I mean a lot of you related to this song. When we wrote it, I was in a happy relationship. There were no cracks, no issues. So, I’d had to draw from most of Ashton’s experiences, and some really old ones. I was really proud of what we’d made, and I’m assuming these guys were as well.” Luke’s speaking as Michael and Calum stay quiet, strumming along, Ashton giving a kick line. “But then the cracks came. The foundation shattered and this song… this song became the very essences of my life. Everything I had been trying to convey came through, two fold. I thought that I’d get through it, and I honestly thought I was. But… I recently realized I’m not. If you wanna get your lights up feel free. This is Ghost of You.”

The instrumental is the brutal silence you hold as you slowly drift from Nic, from Kira, from the crowd. Your gaze is laser focused on Luke as the words ring through the stadium. You’d heard this song a million times over. It’s been one of your favorites from the record. When you two split, you deleted it off your phone. Any trace of him honestly had been moved from your daily rotation. So as he stand, rocking on his feet as he sings, the blonde is bringing you to tears. The song is wrapping up, the lights fading into dark as they queue the next song, screams coming in as Nic’s hand is on your arm. “Baby… what’s wrong?” He finally asks it. The question that he’s been wanting to the whole damned night. You look at him, tears rolling down your face. His hand comes to cup up your cheek and wipe the tear away, lights raising up as the next track starts. Your head turns to the stage as the baseline starts in your mind, the words playing in your head. Easier. The one song that you had screamed the words to the second Luke had sent you the demo. The song that you’d screamed at your radio in the car while moving to your new apartment fresh post breakup. The song that was pulling you back to him. You had a choice to go. To go home and explain later. Or to stay. To stay here, explain to Nic what was going on, and how you couldn’t stay with him. “I can’t do this.” You shout at him over the music. “What? What are you talking about the show isn’t over yet.” You start to explain that this relationship has been doomed from the start, and that you still have feelings for your ex. The song ends and Nic looks at you with confusion on your face. “Babe, what the fuck brought this on?” The question comes between songs, and the next song is timely. Not In The Same Way starts playing and you can’t help the stupid grin on your face. “I love you. I do. But not in the way you think. I’m sorry Nic. I’m so sorry.” You pull your hands away from him, staring to leave the GA section and finding your way out from the floor. Instead of moving toward the exit of the building, you make the complete opposite move. You go towards the tunnels that lead backstage. When you reach the security mark, you simply stand there, not forcing your way forward, simply waiting there.

The only drawback had been it wasn’t in your hometown. You had to take a small trip to get to the city where they were performing, and somehow your parents had booked a hotel for the four of you who were going, a birthday gift they’d called it. You were surprised either way. The group checked into the hotel, which was just down the street from the venue, a few bars littered along the street - which you would hit at some point. If that was before or after the show, you didn’t care. You were here with your favorite people and going to see your favorite band for the first time in a very long time - and got to get drunk all the while. 

Your friends had brought goodies along, including a sash, mini shots to sneak into the venue, and a sign that said ‘She’s 21 today, get her drunk!’ They claimed it was for the bars, but one of them decided to sneak it with you to the show. You’d gone to dinner and gotten plenty of attention in the form of a free drink from a guy across from your table, and a free dessert from the restaurant. You felt on top of the world, and the night was just getting started. 

You made it to the show with ease, using the opening act to get drinks from a bar in the arena, coming back to your spot just as the lights came down. Screams erupt from the crowds around you, and you felt the excitement from your chest to your toes. The band came onstage with energy, opening up the show with enough motion and lights to blind an entire highway of cars. Song by song passed, your friends making sure you continuously had a drink in your hand. About halfway through the first half of the show, your friend broke out that magical sign, holding it above all of you as you sang along and bounced and screamed. They’d just wrapped up Empty Wallets when Luke speaks up. “Hey, wait, wait - who’s birthday is it?” He asks, pulling an in-ear out and coming to the edge of the stage, pointing in your groups direction. Before you can get a word out, they begin shoving you forward, Luke laughing as they beg for him to get you a drink. 

“Who told you there was alcohol up here?” Ashton remarks, now moving out from his drum set holding up a red solo cup. 

“Ash, you’re very clearly holding an unmarked beverage. In a solo cup of shittin’ things.” Michael laughs. 

You’re trying to pay attention, but a security guard has moved the barrier so that he can lead you to the stage ramp - and it hits you, holy shit this is actually happening. You’re thanking the buzz that’s in your veins for the lack of nerves you have once you’re on stage all of them greeting you with wide smiles and cheers. “Ok but really, to... no one’s surprise, there is alcohol up here.” Calum points to the bottle towards the back of the stage, Ashton quickly grabbing it as the others start asking you your name. One of them asks to double check that you are in fact 21 before pouring out alcohol in front of a whole ass arena. Once it’s in Luke’s hand, he’s moving to Michael’s side, leaning into him as they both assess the card. “Yep, that is definitely today.” Michael confirms. 

“And that is 21 years from today - we are clear for take off everyone.” You haven’t said more than five words but you just feel blissfully happy. A hand comes up to your back and you jump a little, not expecting it, but are greeted with Ashton at your side. He’s leaning into Calum’s mic for everyone to hear. “This might look like water, but I promise everyone that this is 100% tequila.” Screams come from the crowd as he hands over the plastic cup, raising it. You take it and match him, about to take the shot before he stops. Under the immense amount of sound and projected discussion from the other bandmates, Ashton leans to your ear, his free hand taking your wrist carefully and very lightly. “Wait, let’s link arms.” He pulls back with a look of ‘you wanna?’ and you give a wide grin and a nod of your head. With ease, your arms are intertwined and you are nearly chest to chest with the drummer. A few more cries leave the massive audience you have before they all give you a hug, a few birthday wishes before dismissing you off stage. 

Your friends are all shaking your arms and bouncing incessantly when you return asking how you felt, and generally freaking out. The only thing you could get out was “Please tell me you have that on video.”

. . . 

After the show, you decided to run over to one more bar before you headed in for the night, really wanting to make the night well rounded and capture all of the experiences you could. Getting to the bar you realize that it’s actually more of a club. And when you get in there, you almost immediately lose your friends. You’d managed so well up until now, but you figure that you’re better off trying to find them at the bar, since there was only one of them. 

So you navigate your way there, and flag down a bartender for a drink. As you finishing up your payment, you could’ve sworn you heard your name. You turn your head a few times, looking in the crowd for your friends’ faces - only to come up with one that wasn’t in your group. It’s Ashton, approaching with what seems like a crew member behind him, both of them with a glass of beer in their hand. “Hey! It’s the birthday girl!” He greets, swinging an arm open to offer another hug, which you happily take. You back up, holding your drink before leaning towards him, his head dipping to listen to you. “Where’s the other guys?” He gives a nod, a hand running through his hair. 

“They were kind of exhausted, and bailed on me. They’re holed up at our table. No fun if you ask me.” He taunts, giving you a smile which you return. He moves to introduce the guy behind him, to be met with a stranger. You can’t help but laugh as he exasperatedly turns back to you. “What the hell, do I smell or something? I showered before I came here.” He jokes and you can’t stop the smile on your face. 

“If it’s any consolation, my friends and I got split up the second we got here. So it’s kind of a miracle that you managed to have him around that long.” Ashton laughs at your words, and you find a hand on your back again as he leans in. 

“He probably went to our table. Do you wanna go check with me?” You give a nod once he’s asked, and he grins, hand unmoving from your back. He proceeds to guide you to the table he speaks of, a few more familiar faces which all light up at the sight of you. A few utterances of your name come through again, greeting you happily. 

You sit with the group, meeting Sierra and Crystal while you were there, finding yourself somehow completely comfortable with this group. Afterall, you practically grew up with these guys, even if you’d never met them until tonight. A few rounds go by, and you’re finally starting to think about calling it a night. You’re looking at your phone, seeing that your friends have all said to just meet at the hotel, as they’re not having any luck finding each other, let alone you. You try another text - seeing as this happened because you couldn’t get any messages through - and hope that if any of them go through it was that one. That you were safe and had plenty of stories to tell. You’d been chugging water after the third round, telling Ashton that you’d needed to head home tomorrow and wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be sick for the drive, which he then cut you off in response. He however, had still been drinking. So as you lean into him to speak, his arm wraps around you, staying planted as you speak. “Do you know where the bathroom is?” You ask and he nods, the hand holding his drink points in the general direction. 

“Do you want me to walk you over there?” He questions, and you look at him, seeing his features in the very dim neon lights. His hand feels firm, but his thumb is slowly tracing an up and down line into your skin, and you’re trying your best to soak it in. This had to be a dream. The whole time you’d been at the table, his hand had jumped around, on the booth back just above your shoulders, on your thigh, pushing hair out of your eyes - any way he could linger on you he had. Which is why you let him escort you to the bathroom. 

The walk over was pretty uneventful, aside from Ashton spilling the rest of his drink due to someone elbowing his glass. He was annoyed by this, but didn’t let it show in his expressions. In the hallway of the restroom, it’s rather dark, give for the slight light shining through the cracks of the closed bathroom door. You’d turned to Ashton to tell him he could go back to the table, but he’d thrown his beer glass away, and was facing you fully. The hand that had been in yours, now slinks up to your waist, the other matching it. He can see you’re about to say something and leans to your ear to speak. “What is it beautiful?”

Suddenly, you don’t want him to go back to the table. When you see his face again, his forehead is nearly on yours, your breath hitching. “N-Nothing. I just...” You shake your head minutely, being careful not to move too much in the crowded space. Your eyes meet as music blasts around you, not letting you be able to think. His face suddenly is encased in light as the bathroom door swings open. His eyes shift to the door and he looks back to you. “Bathroom’s free.” He points out, and in the boldest move you’ve ever made, you grab his hand on your waist and pull him into the bathroom. 

Ashton shuts the door and locks it with a click, being quick to move back to where you had been positioned before, but this time, takes no time to cup your face and pull your lips to his. Your eyes shut as your own hands move to gently hold the bottom of his arms, as his tongue dips along your bottom lip. Hands move from your face to the back of your neck, your energies moving so simultaneously. You finally pull back from what seems like forever to someone banging on the door. The two of you had both looked to the door and you laugh. “Let me use the restroom, and then we can go back.” You offer, slowly pulling away to move to the stall, and Ashton’s head tilts, looking to your backside. 

“And by back, you mean my hotel room, right?”