Skinny

Me, stepping on the scale for the fourth time in one day:

You know the thing about depression is that it kind of collapses time.

Suddenly you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop.

So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy.

But slowly, your brain starts to erase every memory that ever brought you joy.

And eventually all you can think about is how life has always been this way.

everything is uncertain

will you binge today? will you be able to get out of bed today? will you cry over your weight today? will you ever reach your ugw? will any of it ever be enough, or will you die in a body you destroyed only to hate it even more?

spending every waking moment thinking about your body, and food, and the future, is a hell i wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

if you are seeking to “become” anorexic, get out. you don’t understand what it truly is. anorexia is 1% “pretty, skinny girls” and 99% deeply rooted self hatred that you’ll likely struggle with for the rest of your life, if the disorder doesn’t kill you itself.

2016 vs 2018 vs 2020

Nah.

imagine: you've got a date. You spend your evening getting ready, admiring your small body in your most beautiful clothes and knowing that you'll be hard to resist. You go out to a beautiful restaurant and because you're so light, one glass of red wine is enough to make you feel elated and confident. You click. Laugh with one another, tell each other secrets, maybe share a kiss. Your date can't stop thinking how beautiful you are, what an amazing body you have, how lucky they are to be with you.