THINGS PROGRAMMERS SHOUT*

Hello friends.

I know I haven’t been here for a long time, and that’s because... I have been sick! Shocking, I know.

I don’t want to put anyone out, and I hate doing this, but if you could- could you guys send this along to anyone you know who might be able to help? Please don’t feel obligated.

Thank you all again for being cool followers at TPS. We’ve had some great times. And by that I mean... suffered together.

Your friend,

// To appease the typing gods

*Syntax Error* “Ah, there it is.” *Syntax Error* “Ermmm is it here?” *Syntax Error* “Arrrg, I give up.” *colleague comes over* “There it is.”

// This is blatant pandering to the Plutonian gods

One week before program is due: “I’ve defined all of my classes, I can easily write the code to implement them in a few hours!”

One hour before program is due: “I can not do this it takes more time than I thought!”

*Building everything properly and efficiently, doing regular tests of individual functions and fixing errors as you go* “Well alright, everything works alone. Time to test it all together.” *SERVER CRASHES* *last backup was an hour ago* “… so this is how the apocalypse starts. Super duper.”

Days into CS100: “Man, this isn’t so hard.” Days before final: “…I forgot what the header is.”

*working on code that implements a method the professor wrote*

“Why is this not working?! This should definitely work!”

*checks professor’s method*

“He copy-pasted wrong! Of course it won’t work when THE MAIN METHOD IS WRONG!!”

*has been staring at and scrolling through code for 20 minutes trying to figure out why its not working*

*fed up* “LOOK I KNOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WORK LIKE 95% OF THE TIME BUT what about that other 5%, huh? Can I program a random generator that’s rigged to only make the code work?”

*suddenly stares wildly off into the distance* “Maybe...”

Programming in Scheme/Lisp “What do you mean ‘no body found in expression’? It’s right there!! Stupid parantheses!”

Program: *Does not do what it’s supposed to.* Me: “But where is the error?” Me: *compiles code piece by piece to find the error, while the ‘error in line such-and-such’ remains unhelpful* Me: *finds the part that throws the error* Me: “There is no error here…” Me: *goes through letter by letter* Me: “…I forgot the array brackets and instead asked for a variable.” Me: “Why is this throwing an error twenty lines later in a completely different code section?”

When your IDE glitches and nothing works when you know it should work-“What do you meant it’s an error? WTF ARE YOU SMOKING IDE?” *restarts IDE* “Ohh well would you look at that, everything works, I fucking love my job!”

“How to take user input in java”

When the while loop keeps crashing everything and you can’t figure out how to make it not infinite, and you’re like- “alright, it’s time to contain the beast” /*Beast is contained within this block, unleash at your own risk * infinite while loop  */

“It works on my machine.”

(Reviewing a problem with a group of peers before a Java test) Me: —and you know what a constructor is, right? Three of four peers: *blink, exhausted* Fourth peer: No, we weren’t taught anything. Me: *incoherent squeaking* *erases stuff on white board to make room for a new wave of illegible handwriting*

// theres a lot to unpack here // but lets just throw away the whole suitcase