Things I say to my partner @thingsisaytomypartner - Tumblr Blog

Her: farts like a beast

Him: Niiice!!

*High fives*

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You think I'd be skinny by now

Her: My cheeks hurt from laughing

Him: Me too. That'd a good fuckin workout... I wonder how many calories that burns

Stone cold honesty

Her: I want my doughnut. Do you want me to get yours?

Him: You can get yours.

Her: Okay well you're not getting a bite

*Ed Sheeran plays in the background, dancing romantically*

Him: Thanks Bruno

#failure #lmao

My eye is like the new clitoris.

Her, while she is rubbing her eyes like crazy and moaning

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I finally have lung in my weed.

Him

Please keep itching my knee pit.

Her

#relationship things #love

Her: "You'd be proud of my poop."

Him: "It's not fair. I wish I could see your poop."

#fancy poop

It's really good! You should try it! I would give you a bite but its my last one... so no.

Her

#food #last bite #honesty

Did you fart? Or is that your breath?

Her

#mint breath

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Things to say in public:

Him: "You're the love of my dick."

Her: "You're the dick of my life."

#True Love #thingstosayinpublic

You should see my toenails, they're so long.

Him

#attractive #hygiene #love

If you looked up Patella of Anthophila, it would be a picture of us. Because we are the bees knees.

Her

#bees knees #boss couple

Respecting each other's Bodies

Him: *flares nostrils*

Him: Did you see my nostrils?

Her: Babe, you could see them from a mile away.

#relationship #teasing

April Fools Ownage

*Last Year. He is vulnerable due to school stress.*

Her: Omg babe. I'm pregnant.

*shows positive pregnancy test picture via phone*

Him: *complete meltdown and catharsis*

Her: April Fools

Him: What is this life?

*This Year. He is vulnerable due to school stress.*

Her: Omg babe. Our best friends are suddenly engaged because she found out she is pregnant.

Him: *mild meltdown and catharsis*

Her: April Fools

Him: Am I even real? Is it possible for this to happen to someone?

Mark my words Iron King. Smokey Jack is gonna get you back.

#prank wars #getting owned #april fools #relationship war #love?#definitly love

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Him: Wanna make love?

Her: I’m sorry I’m too tired tonight

Him: Okay

***20 minutes later, just about asleep***

Him: You still tired?

Her: Yes

Him: Okay

#personal #love #couples #relationships

Good Morning

Her: Did you fart?

Her: Or is that your breath?

#couples #relationships #funny #love

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Things I say to my partner