ruby baby

I still miss you. And it still hurts.

My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I don’t talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids. And I haven’t found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriend’s mom’s. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, it’s comforting to know there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

i wish i could jump 5 years in the future for five minutes to see if it’s worth it

i just want to sit in front of the ocean for a little while

my heart is so sad

i feel like im suffocating. it was fine and it was fine and it was fine until it wasnt and all of a sudden i cant breathe and im crying myself to sleep every night again because the grief is too loud and this house is too quiet and my heart is too empty and i am so terribly sad.

sometimes it just hurts and there is nothing you can do about it