'cause here i go again,

you’re looking to date… but not me. it isn’t me. when will i ever learn? when will i ever realize that you don’t want me like that? do i really mean nothing to you? do i really mean that little?

i guess the answer is in the pudding… or something. you want to start dating again, and i think that’s wonderful for you.

now i just have to decide: do i lay myself out on the table for you to fully reject me and move on, or do i stay silent and watch the man i love you be with other people without ever saying anything?

does it really matter and do you even care? ‘cause i’m sensing that it doesn’t. i’m sensing that you don’t care. you’d argue that you’re single—no, no. you’d argue that we’re just friends; and then that you’re single. and you’re right—we are just friends. and you are single. you’re allowed to sleep with whomever you choose to. just didn’t think it would be so quick after i left, but what can i do? what can i say? nothing. absolutely nothing.

it isn’t like i didn’t sleep with her that same night. no, it wasn’t my plan; it wasn’t the intention. she was there. i was angry. it was only out of spite, but i don’t have the heart to bring it to your attention. you wouldn’t care anyway, right? friends. we’re friends.

there’s a lot i’m trying to talk myself into on this flight. i’m trying to talk myself into not falling in your arms or falling for your smile. trying to talk myself into not melting at your touch or the sound of your voice. i’m telling myself that none of this matters.

i’m trying to wrap my head around the point of that call. was it just so i could see that someone else was in your bed? i heard his laugh. his voice. i caught a glimpse of him. is this your way of reminding me that you aren’t mine and that you won’t ever be?

‘cause if that’s it — the message has been received. loud and clear.