la vie en rose

“I guess there’s just a lot going on,” he replied with a grimace, “Everyone’s stressed out.”

“I can tell,” Mary replied with a light laugh, though there was no humor in it. “But no one will tell me what they’re stressed about. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Sirius just remained quiet as he listened to her, laughing quietly when it was appropriate to. He smile as she finished her story, endeared and a bit amused. “I’m a bit worried as to the state of their roof,” he joked. “How did your parents take it? Magic?”

“Well...” Mary began, her voice trailing off. That time in her life was especially scary; she’d felt strange things happening to her body and her mother had chalked it up to hitting puberty early, but when she managed to make a glass explode by accident when she was frustrated with one of her siblings, it had changed everything. “They were scared at first. Confused. No one knew what was going on with me enough to help me. When my letter from Hogwarts arrived, they were even more dumbfounded. I think they believed someone was taking the piss at first, but there were things happening that no one could explain that they eventually came around to it. They’re still wary, so I try not to use it much when I’m home, but... I think that’s just because I’m the odd one out in the family. Nobody else experienced it before or after me.”

“I know,” he nodded, grimacing. “Things are just complicated, Mare. It’s hard to know what’s really him and what’s fear talking, and – well, even if I felt a certain way, I can’t speak for everyone.”

“We’re all afraid of something. I don’t think that excuses his behaviour.” Mary shrugged, then looked at him again. “I just... don’t want his bad behaviour to reflect poorly on the rest of you, I suppose. Call me a mother hen.”

“No, no, it looks brilliant,” she grinned, glancing over at the itinerary. “Merlin, I’m so excited.”

“Honestly? You and me both. I think everyone could use it. People have been so stressed and tense lately, it’s hard not to let it get to you.”

“Okay, out with it, I know you want to say something.”

"I’m just... worried.” Mary frowned. “You’ve all seemed on edge lately -- you, Sirius, and James. Is everything alright?”

“I love it, I think it’s great.”

“Really? I know I’m no trip planner, so I was worried I’d skip over something important,” she laughed as she looked over the itinerary concept for their trip. “Now it’s just a matter of seeing who all can make it and actually booking.”

“No, it makes sense and I,” Sirius grimaced. “It does make me question things. But I don’t know how to just stop being friends with someone.”

Mary stayed quiet for a few moments as she considered that. Having been someone’s friend for as long as the boys had been, she could understand how detaching one’s self could be difficult. “You’re incredibly loyal. It’s a good trait to have in a friend,” Mary assured him with a soft smile. “But I think you should only afford that loyalty to someone who deserves it. Someone you know would do the same for you, like James.”

While he might’ve normally been embarrassed by the display of emotion, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment, mostly just relishing how she held him and the steadying sound of her breathing. “No,” he said with a watery laugh. “I take it didn’t go well?”

Hearing Sirius’s laugh normally brought a lightness to her, but hearing it dripping with the emotion he was feeling -- one she couldn’t quite pinpoint, but she knew held sadness -- nearly broke her heart in two. She let out a light laugh of her own as well. “You’ve got that right,” she replied, clearing her throat. “So, I’d only recently discovered I had some kind of powers... I was hoping I could slip out into the woods near our house to see if I could recreate what I thought was initially an accident, but our stairs were quite creaky, so I thought it’d be best to go out through the window. I was sneaking along the roof outside my room when my foot broke through the ceiling right into my parents’ room.” She laughed more at the memory. Although she had an adventurous spirit, it had been a long time since she’d really done any hijinks of that nature. “Safe to say I was grounded for a long time after that...”

“You know I’ve never condoned any of it. I’ve called him out for it all, he knows I don’t think it’s alright. And,” Sirius sighed, “it’s admittedly been different.”

“I know, and I’m glad you’ve called him on it. I guess... To me, still being friends with him almost makes it seem like his actions have no consequences, if that makes sense,” she replied with a shrug. “He didn’t really lose anything, except for Glenda, but I’m sure she’d have left him eventually anyway if he was that awful deep down.”

“I can’t,” he sighed, honestly wishing he could. While he knew Mary wasn’t Peter’s biggest fan, he thought she would certainly be more objective than the three of them were. Still, he couldn’t, and he hoped his tone conveyed that he very much wanted to. Another sigh left him when her fingers moved to his hair, and he struggled to keep himself composed. Tears pricked at the backs of his eyes, surely spurred on by pure exhaustion, and he wanted to curse himself when he felt the wetness on his cheeks. “A distraction, please.”

To say Mary was surprised by the sound of Sirius’s voice wavering and the feeling of the drops against her shoulder would be an understatement. She has experienced many things with him over the years of their friendship, but she couldn’t recall a time he had ever cried around her. Her chest tightened and she pulled him in a bit closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “Of course,” she murmured into his ear, rocking him gently back and forth. “Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to sneak out of the house when I was nine?”

“Loyalty,” he said after a moment. “He’s been my best friend since first year, it’s hard to just throw that away.”

She’d nod slowly and take a bite of her food as she tried to figure out a nice way to say what she was thinking. “Well...” she started, “I guess I get it to an extent... But what about Glenda? Sienna? I know she’s your ex, but I assume there’s still some loyalty there because of who you are.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, not trusting himself to say anything else for the moment, arms tight around her. He closed his eyes, but the cursed images continued to pop back up, and he wondered when he would get any actual rest again. His friends were fine – his family was fine, he knew that. But even the potential of Peter’s betrayal and the complete lack of action from them left him anxious and just… hurt. “Just nightmares,” he whispered. 

"Do you want to talk about it at all or would you prefer a distraction?” she asked, keeping her voice soft. She wasn’t sure which he would pick, especially since he was already at a point where he was acting a tad out of character. Moving her hand to the back of his head, she stroked his hair gently. “I’m up for either, just tell me what you want.”

“Even he’s not that stupid,” Sirius hummed, nodding. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Why do you three still hang out with him?” she asked, trying her best not to sound accusatory. “After everything, I mean. Is it just... nostalgia?”

“Thanks,” he said quietly, stepping further into the room and closing the door behind him. Sitting down, he didn’t say anything for a few moments, until he just turned slightly, angling himself so that he could pull her into a hug, the action clearly for himself. But he tucked his face in the crook of her neck, and sighed. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Mary wrapped her arms around him and held him close, not saying anything for a few moments. “You don’t have to apologise. I told you to, remember?” she finally said, rubbing her hand along his back in slow movements. It was something her mother had done for her when she was upset or sick as a child to help soothe her, and she hoped it had the same effect on him. “Though I know how stubborn you can be, so whatever it is must have been really awful for you to actually come here...”

Sirius cleared his throat, opening the door a bit further although he made no move to enter her space just yet. “Yeah,” he nodded, before promptly shaking his head. “No. N– I can’t sleep,” he admitted quietly, “and I keep having these gods awful dreams. Is it alright if I stay in here a bit?”

Surprise showed on Mary’s face for a second, immediately followed by concern. “Yeah, of course,” she replied, sitting up even more to turn on a lamp on the bedside table, then patting the space beside her on the bed. “Come here.”

Sirius woke with a start, a sheen layer of cold sweat covering his body as he let out a groan. He’d just managed to fall asleep what felt like minutes prior, and when he glanced at his phone he ran a hand over his face, realizing he’d only been out for a couple of hours. It had been the routine as of late; late nights, a difficult time falling asleep, and then when he did manage to do so he woke up with nightmares. Dreams of his best friend and all the horrid things he could have been up to, whether or not he’d received a mark, or killed someone. Occasionally, the dreams shifted into something that always appeared a bit prophetic, and he pictured his best friends dead at his hand. Tonight had been one of those nights, and he pressed his palms against his eyes. But every time he closed them, he saw James or Remus, eyes open and blank. 

It was horrifying. And after another few minutes of trying to fall asleep, he finally just got out of bed. Intent on walking to the kitchen for something to drink, he hesitated as he passed Mary’s door, her words echoing back in his head. She’d told him to wake her up if need be, if he wasn’t doing well. And while he wasn’t suffering for the reasons she thought, he wondered if all this was somehow worse. It felt like it was. Pausing for another moment, he knocked quietly, door creaking open as he popped his head in. “Mare?”

@theworldaccordingtomac​

With the shift in season, Mary’s days at work dragged on for what felt like forever. Fewer people would come in to check out books, either because they were on vacation or enjoying their time outdoors. The only thing she really looked forward to were the days when she would come home and Sirius was there rather than working overtime like he had been so frequently. Things had finally gone back to some semblance of normalcy.

Hearing the voice, Mary slowly blinked awake, stretching out her limbs beneath the sheets as she came to. “Sirius?” she murmured, looking towards the door to make sure she hadn’t dreamed it.  When she saw him in the doorway, she sat up more. “Everything alright?”

“He won’t come if Glenda is going,” Sirius shrugged. “He’s been pretty good at keeping his distance when she’s involved.”

“As he should be, considering everything.” She took a bite of her food, then glanced across at him. “Can I ask you something? And I’m not trying to be antagonistic, but I’m genuinely curious.”