Normal doesn't exist.

1) Thank you, seriously. Those are fun and being included shows that my followers care enough to want to learn more about me.

To say that there has been some definitional drift would be an understatement.

Anyway, I posted basically the same thing on tiktok a few weeks ago and today I got a comment thanking me for sharing and the commentered ended with the statement, "being an 'anti' sounds exhausting."

I've been (over)thinking about why 'antis' are they way they are for a long time now, and this really does hit the nail on the head for me. People who are involved in 'anti' culture probably are exhausted. All the time.

I've never been a part of that area of fandom, but from an outside perspective it seems like it requires:

constant vigilance over your own public behaviours

distrust in your friends because they might turn on you if you ever did something they considered "problematic"

fear that something you enjoy might actually make you a "bad person"

a near-constant state of emotional distress - either anger at what others in fandom are doing, moral outrage that is being harnessed towards harassment, shame over your own thoughts and feelings...

a need to police your own thoughts to ensure you aren't accidentally shipping something "wrong" or liking an "abusive" character etc.

constantly shifting goal posts for what is deemed acceptable or cancellable within your own community

constantly changing definitions of terms to suit the agenda of the loudest person in the room

immense pressure to abandon people you are close to if they are deemed unsuitable by rest of the group

feeling like you're surrounded by literal child abusers with nowhere to turn that's safe

If that doesn't sound physically, emotionally, and mentally draining then I don't know what does. Anger and outrage can be like a burst of adrenaline, but the thing is: anger and outrage, like adrenaline, don't last forever and when they run out you feel empty and burnt out.

So why do people go down this route? That's a great question, and I don't know the answer. There are probably various reasons, depending on who you ask and that person's particular background, but a lot of it seems to centre on the idea of control.

Controlling yourself. Controlling the people around you. Controlling strangers. Controlling the internet. Only one of these is possible, and if you don't know which one then take a second and try again.

It's not entirely shocking that a very controlling thought pattern is gaining in noise, if not popularity, right now. We're still in a global pandemic. There's political and economic uncertainty everywhere. Violence and discrimination are at extremely high levels. It feels like the world is going to shit sometimes, and like everything is out of control. And if you're a teenager, you have even less control over your life than the rest of us do.

A lot of what is said feels like common sense on the face of it which makes it so easy to accept. It starts with a sentiment ('rpfs can be uncomfy', 'there's a lot of racism in fic', 'the power dynamics of mentor/mentee relationships have power dynamic issues' or etc.) that's relatable or sounds reasonable. These aren't outrageous beliefs to have.

A lot of it also points to an oversaturation of one flavor of fanwork. Plus the frustration that rises from there being one dominate narrative that makes one uncomfortable.

What comes after is usually phrased as a way to better yourself. You're asked to think more critically about what fanworks you engage with. Notice the trends, see if you agree.

Then the line moves. It's not enough to stop be more critical, you also stop supporting these kinds of tropes or fix fandom by creating only what's acceptable. It's phrased as a challenge to better yourself. Who doesn't want to become a better person?

The line never stops moving. It's following one seemingly sensible conclusion after another until you end up at "all age gaps are abuse" or some other extreme view. Step by step you're convinced of one point after another until before you know it you've build a valid feeling or a sentiment into a strong belief in something to the point where anyone doesn't agree with that belief is supporting or defending something unforgivable.

It's an gradual acclimation to an extreme mindset. That gets reinforced by natural and enjoyable experience of 'improving' yourself or gaining acceptance by following community norms. By the nature of the community, it doesn't accept people who don't align with its beliefs so it encourages you to distance yourself from people without the same beliefs until you end up in an echo chamber.

At that point, people double down in order to maintain the feeling of acceptance or sense that they're a 'good person. Otherwise they have to risk starting over because their community won't accept them if they don't outwardly maintain that belief.

I also understand that “middle-aged yaoi” isn’t as fun to say as “old man yaoi”, even when it’s more technically accurate.

Apologies for not quoting the question directly but I deleted it hours ago.

My genuine answer to this question is: no, I'm not.

I have several reasons for having that opinion, and you're free to disagree with any or all of them.

This got incredibly long so I'm putting it under a cut.

i know riiight, who even drew this anyway? 😤

I loved them so much! 😭✨