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“In the end, he hurt me more than I hurt him. I broke his heart, but he tore mine into a million pieces. Even if I wanted to piece it back together, I would never find them all because he would always be holding some.”

“I am both worse and better than you thought.”

“I wish I knew what to do with my life, what to do with my heart…I do nothing all day, boredom settles in, I look at the sky so I get to feel even smaller than I already feel and my mind keeps poisoning itself uselessly.”

To me, the worst feeling in the world isn’t loneliness, it’s emptiness. Its being surrounded by so much life and yet feeling so little. The world isn’t crashing down. It isn’t raining outside. Nobody is breaking my heart. I’m not sad, but I’m not happy either. I’m neutral. There’s a void inside of me that I can’t seem to fill. At this point, I think I’d rather be lonely, at least then I’d feel something.

“It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart? We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.”

I realized that it wasn’t my fault. You falling out of love with me and moving on. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, just a case of bad timing is what I’m telling myself to get through this. I realize now that may not be the case. I realize now that sometimes love comes and stay and sometimes it goes and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. You loved me and I loved you and what we had was something real. I know it’s real because it still hurts after all these years of it truly being over. We fooled ourselves into thinking that each time we got back together that it would stick but the truth is it wasn’t. We were doomed from the start but I think that’s okay. That’s what I’m telling myself anyways because at the end of the day you were once the most important thing to me in the entire world and even though you still are and I’m not for you I will forever be grateful for the two years you gave me. I’ll be grateful for even the on again off again moments that followed throughout the past 6 years. Because I loved you and you loved me and even though it faded I will still look at you with hope in my eyes because I know you’re the love of my life and even though I’m not yours, as heartbreaking as that is I realize that’s okay. I believe you get more than one true love in this lifetime. I have to believe that or else I’ll go crazy. Anyways, just know that even though we are strangers now I still hold you close to my heart. You are still something, someone important to me and I want to thank you for the love you gave me even though it wasn’t a lifetime. I’m grateful that I can at least say that I got to know you in this lifetime.