Lost My Whole Life

“Oh hush.” Rose muttered, smiling despite herself. She sighed, toying with the the drawstring on her sweatpants. 

“Of course I mean it,” he said firmly. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. I’ll start working on the hover chair tonight if you want. It’ll be up and ready to go by the time you’re strong enough.”

“I know…” Rose murmured, resting her back against the Doctor’s front. “I’ve never really been good at bein’ patient." 

“Oh that I know well,” the Doctor said with a bit of a smirk, poking her arm. He pressed his lips thin, thinking.

“I know but I feel like one. I feel so… Useless.” The blonde sighed, shrugging slightly. 

“I know you hate it Rose. Believe me, I know.” He held her close, resisting the urge to kiss the top of her head.

“I mean this… This… This thing where I sit here in pain and useless while you carry me around, wipe my face and change my sheets for me. Like I’m a bloody child." 

“Rose...you’re not a child. And I’m not going to be carrying you around forever, we already talked about that,” he reminded her gently.

“I know it will.” 

The Doctor made a face, a bit confused. I know it will…I just hope this will. That didn’t make any sense.

“Thank you…” Rose murmured, feeling a bit loopy from the painkillers as the Doctor managed to help her clean up a little and change her bedsheets for her. She felt like a child, sitting and watching him do all of this work for her. Sure, her spine still throbbed with pain and her brain was fuzzy but…

The Doctor saw the tear as he settled her back into bed. He assumed it was still a pain reaction and very carefully wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

By the time he’d injected her with the painkiller, Rose stopped sobbing and instead was crying gently.

The Doctor stood up again, throwing the needle out and going to bathroom, retrieving a washcloth and wetting it. He also grabbed a change of sheets and went back to Rose, sitting beside her and wiping her face down gently.

The second the device was taken away from her back, Rose collapsed into what was essentially a pile of mush. All her muscles gave out from the tension, and she collapsed face-first into her bed.

The Doctor brushed her hair back for another moment, nodding and feeling sick to his stomach.

“T-Three m-more minutes?!”

God the Doctor could not have hated himself any more if he bloody tried.

“H-How much… How much longer?”

Four hundred nineteen…four hundred twenty…

“I can do this. I can do this… I’m strong… I’m strong…”

Three hundred ninety eight…three hundred ninety-nine…

Instantly, Rose began to squeal. It was high-pitched, an obvious scream held caught in her throat as her spine refused itself. Tears stung at her eyes and she buried her face in the stuffed elephant she cradled.

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut, hand still in her hair as he tried desperately to resist the urge to turn off the device, to save her this horrible pain.

“Ten minutes. Okay…”

The Doctor sat down on the edge of the bed, near her head, one hand tangling in her hair as he tried to provide all the comfort he could. He hated himself for this. He hated himself so much.

“Even as bony as you are,” But there was no humor in her joke. Instead, she looked particularly terrified, but like she was trying to swallow it all up under a brave face.

He carefully shifted to get out of bed, rolling Rose to lay on her stomach as he went to get the tool he needed.

“Pretty well, actually.” Rose smiled, loathe to pull away from him. She also knew how hard it would be to pull away from him given her condition, “You’re pretty comfy, you know that?" 

“Glad I can be a good pillow,” he said with a slight sigh. He knew she wasn’t looking forward dot this.

For a few long hours, Rose slept in the Doctor’s arms. It wasn’t often she got to sleep all snuggled up to him like this– His arms around her, his hearts beating against her ears in double time. 

“Morning,” the Doctor murmured, not bothering to mention that there was no time here, no morning. It wasn’t worth it and he wasn’t really in the mood.

He pulled the covers up to wrap around her, holding her tight. Nothing would never hurt her again.