The Urban Trad Witch

The amazon rainforest has caught fire and NASA has said that the smoke is visible from out of space. Suddenly São Paulo turned black with the smoke yesterday at 3pm and Brazil's president, Jair Bolsonaro is just brushing it off saying its for the farmers fertilise the soil. Yes, farmers do indeed do that but this is not that and it is serious and dangerous. Please worry about this and spread awareness about it instead of just worrying about spiderman leaving marvel.

So, before I begin, I’m not a beginner. I’ve been at this for years but I would like to show you guys something. I want to tell you a story about what it’s like being a “witch for hire.”

Now, I have a client. She’s not a bad woman, just a little ditzy but I really like her. She has supported me through my journey as a witch and I have no problem utilizing my gifts to help her completely. Well, she has problem with love. I had given her a few readings on two men but one in particular stood out. His reading was just dark, cards out here exposing him for being some evil ass demon of a man so I’m like welp. Wellll, she asked me to perform a love spell.

Before I continue, let it be known I hate love spells. I would never bash someone for performing them but as a natural lover, I think they just cause problems. However, I appreciate this client so I told her I would perform one for her. (Just because I don’t like doing them doesn’t mean I don’t do them for clients.)

So I went out and got the stuff and set it up and it just looked gorgeous. I’m talking about herbs smelling, candles glowing, energy right. Everything was good, right?

Well, one of the candles starts doing this:

I usually take this as a good sign. Flame is high which means the want is being sent out to the ancestors and they’re listening. So I go on about my business to allow the spell to let the magick flow.

Next thing I motherfucking know, the candle fucking combusts and the 7 day candle, that was pink, goes transparent and the flame goes out completely. The candle that combusts, breaks the plate it’s on and sets the desk on fire and then it’s over.

So im just sitting there looking like hell nah and I tell the client that the spell isn’t going to work because I may not have this kind of shit often but I do know that this is the result of some blockage and my ass, knowing how to Witch™️ properly tells her that I’m not going to do more. She asks me to and I’m like “yeet.”

Basically I want to tell you baby witches getting into your crafts that this is no joke. Doing spells for people is not a fucking game, it’s not cute, and it’s definitely not a guaranteed effect. Real shit happens and even things like this will leave you shaken and want to not do it anymore. You need to be in this for the long run, not for money because witches dabble with danger every single day. Practioners for hire do this every. Single. Day. And this shit is exhausting and sometimes scary and sometimes unpredictable.

@ my hoodoo practioners, stay safe and trust your ancestors because that, up there, was conjure. And if you can’t trust what your ancestors say to you (ie, combustion) then baby, this ain’t for you.

@ appropriators, you can’t handle all that up there so this is also a post reminding you to stay in your lane