Just Me in my Own Little World

me walking into 2019 like

“I want someone who misses me while they’re in a room full of people and friends, not one who tells me he misses me only when he’s alone.”

“I’m a lot more broken than a lot of people realise, and lately it’s been harder to keep the outside shell from cracking”

“I miss him in a way I’m afraid to talk about. I’m supposed to be better now, I think, but my breath still catches at his ghost sometimes. More often than I’d like. I’m paralyzed by the visceral memories of his fingers on my hips, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his hand in mine. I’m reminded of the promises tattooed on my heart: the cities we laid claim to but never visited, the goals we had, the life we’d eventually share. I thought he was mine, but in truth, I never even knew him. We were just vague promises. All we had was false hope. We banked on a hazy future. I miss what I had, but more than that I miss the opportunity I lost. I loved the idea of him. I’ll always regret that I did not get to love him.”

Try not to focus on “letting go,” but rather, just let it be. Accept the situation as it is. The breakup, the pain — all of it. This is your reality right now. Don’t resist it. Feel all that you need to feel, learn all its lessons. Let this experience teach you about people, love, relationships, life, and especially about yourself. Breakups are an incredible opportunity for self-awareness and growth in general.

“None of his words matter now. He made his choice, and now I’m making mine. This is my agony. He told me we could be friends, and in my need of him I agreed time and time again. Now the hurt outweighs the need, and missing him means less and less with each passing day. We can’t be friends. I can’t be friends with someone who meant so much to me. I can’t bear the thought of seeing him with another girl, nor can I bear the thought of distant friendship with my once greatest confidant. He told me that this was a new chapter, but now I would rather have the end. This chapter’s only been laced with words I wished I hadn’t heard him say, actions that felt personal. I can’t make it through this chapter. I’m writing the ending.”