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@thetypicalniceguy-blog
Bugs
The following is a conversation between a 3rd grade girl and myself.
L: Hey, hey, hey. Guess what I have? It made you scared last time.
Me: Does it start with L and end with -ICE?
L: Nope!
Me: Then what is it?
L: I have lice!
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Broken
So this past week, I’ve been wearing a brace on my wrist because it’s fucked up, and who knows how that happen. My bets are on that intense game of pong. Any who, one of my kids asked why I was wearing it. She then wondered what it would be like to have a broken arm. Today, when I saw her, lo and behold, her arm was broken. She fell off her bike.
Chores
One of the little girls in my class said she dried her clothes the “Mexican Way”.
So today, one of the first graders was caught playing with a condom in class. When shown to the principal, she responded with "Why isn't it ribbed?" LOL, my school is the best.
Gay
4th grader: Mr. Nguyen, he called me gay.
Me: So? I'm gay, too.
4th grader: What?! You're gay?!
Me: Yes, it means happy. I'm happy.
4th grader: Like the song on the radio?
Me: Just like on the radio.
4th grader: Did you know my favorite song on the radio is the wiggle wiggle wiggle song? My grandma says I shouldn't listen to music like that cause it's bad for me but I like the song so much cause it's funny and...(this continues for another minute)
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Teachercise
4th grader: Mr. Nguyen, why do you sweat when you teach?
Me: That's not sweat. It's just my face is oily.
4th grader: Nah, I'm sure you're sweating. Fat people sweat a lot. I know I do.
Secret Identity Revealed
Students: Since its almost Christmas, will you give us the gift of telling us your first name?
Me: It's Kevin, but you won't call me that.
Students: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!
So one of my students noticed that I got a new phone (galaxy s5). She then tells me she got a new phone too, and proceeds to pull out her iPhone 6+. She's a 5th grader...
I hate it when my students come up to me and say..
Student: I have lice.
Slightly Gifted
The following is a conversation between one of my students and I. She's in second grade.
Ellie: I'm in the GT class at school now.
Me: That's awesome. What's GT? (of course I knew).
E: Gifted and talented.
Me: What's gifted and talented?
E: I don't know, but I feel like it's a class for dumb kids. Gifted means you're special, and if you're special, that's bad. My only talent is sleeping, and you can't sleep in school, so I'm pretty much useless in that class.
Me thinking to myself: This girl is definitely GT.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Finger
So today at Kumon, one of my 5th graders asked me why my fingers were so long. Confused and slightly irritated, I responded with a question of my own: why is your hair so long? She told me the boys liked her long hair. Instinctively without thinking about what I was saying, I said the girls liked my long fingers.
Yo Momma
The following is a real conversation with one of my 2nd graders.
Katlyn: Hey, your mom is so dumb, she put two quarters in a CD player and said she's listening to 50 cent.
Me: (shocked) You.... you don't even know who 50 cent is.
K: He's a rapper!
Me: You're so dumb, you don't know what 6 times 3 is.
K: I don't get it.
Me: It's not a joke. I need you to fix question 7 for me. 6 times 3 isn't 9.
Party and/or tutor
Came to a house call to tutor one of my kids, and they're literally throwing a house party while I'm trying to teach the plot diagram. How did I end up with egg rolls in one hand, karaoke microphone in the other, and Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time coming out of my mouth?
That moment when you try to dress nice for work but realize you have no one to impress but kids.
Allergic
The following is a conversation based on real events with real kids.
Katlyn: Are you allergic to chocolate?
Me: Yep. I can't have it at all.
Kathryn: What happens if you eat it?
Katlyn: I heard you pass away. That's what happened to my friend.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Fuck.
Lately, I've been thinking about you. It's been almost 4 years since we last saw each other. Despite how shitty you were to me, there are times you cross my mind. Well, being honest, it's not you that crosses my mind, but rather what we did is what I think about. Bluntly put, I miss fucking you. I miss the nights where we would fuck all night, but I don't miss you. I miss when we would explore each other's bodies in the most sexual way, but I don't miss you. I miss the moments we shared together in the shower as our wet bodies lay against each other, but I don't miss you. I miss the sound you make when I would be deep inside you, but I don't miss you. I miss the times when you would use your mouth all over my body, but I don't miss you. I miss grabbing you, turning you around and over. I miss it when you give me that look that told me that you were about to do something nasty, but I don't miss you. I miss when you say "fuck me harder", but I don't miss you. 4 years ago, and I still think about how good you were to me, but only in this aspect. You were a girl of many sexual talents. See you again in my dreams. P.S. I miss you
