My Inner Most Thoughts

I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me.

I’m scared. I never loved anyone this much. I feel like I would do everything for you. It’s scary loving someone this much, because if you leave me, I will end up alone, crying, waiting for you to come back.

there’s no such thing as a stupid reason not to kill yourself.

Okay but this is honestly true.

See, this is such good advice, because it can put you in the frame of mind that you need to be in to combat depression. Even things that seem little, like, “My plant will die if I don’t water it,” or “I’m the only one that takes out the trash, anyways” are examples of how you’re needed and valuable, even appreciated.

Depression isn’t always crying your mascara off in the shower and playing sad songs in bed. Sometimes it’s not wanting to talk to anyone for days and other times it’s desperately needing to be around people. Sometimes depression is having no appetite even though you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday and sometimes it’s eating everything you have in the fridge. Depression isn’t your boyfriend holding you and telling you that it’s going to be okay. It’s sitting across the table, not eating, having him ask you what’s wrong and knowing that you’re ruining his night because you can’t seem to snap out of it and just be happy. It’s the frustrating feeling of desperately wanting to enjoy something and just fucking be normal for once. It’s keeping things a secret from the people you love because you don’t want them to look at you like you’re broken. No, depression isn’t beautiful black and white images. Depression is lonely and frustrating and mostly just fucking exhausting.