A Blog About Nothing

7.8.26

Im scared and frustrated in this moment because mom had Brenda cancel her PCP appt today. She’s been dizzy off and on for weeks now. She takes her meds, they make her feel sick. She stops the meds on her own, she cancels appts. It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is. I feel like I’m losing my mom. I know she doesn’t feel good, she wouldn’t do this to herself on purpose. I feel horrible that this is her life, these are her decisions to make and these are the cards she’s dealt. She deserves better- a nicer family, a healthier body, a better healthcare system. I grieve the life she should have had. I fear she won’t have a better or higher quality of life before she dies.

Other updates:

I’ve been looking at other jobs (not super seriously I guess cu I haven’t applied). I feel caught between the idea that I could never slack off anywhere else AND I could work somewhere else that is more ethical. I don’t wanna leave. But maybe I should.

I’m still in a massive amount of debt. Ugh.

I’m currently taking 47 units of my glp1 compound. Weighed in at 239.8 last week. Been eating like shit, not logging food, feeling like shit. BUT I e have returned to the gym 3-5 days per week with David.

It’s wild to think I’m almost -80lbs. Feeling small some days, have to remind myself I’m still hugely overweight. I’m needing to replace all my underwear and leggings due to ill fitting these days.

I’ve already had to replace my bras. It’s expensive but oh well I still love shopping lmao.

5 year anniversary shoot at West Bluff Park

Taken on Juneteenth 💛

Work is crazy, we are 12 weeks away from transition to Impact. No more Zoom contact center though luckily. Dad got his right hip replaced. Mom is on her meds, lots of upcoming referrals. They have Brenda the caregiver now. They have house cleaners. Dad has in home PT. I need to work on finding my self again, make a schedule that creates joy instead of just surviving off my minutes of downtime.

Weight updates:

SW 317 / BMI 49.6

CW 247 / BMI 38.7

GW 150 / BMI 23.5 or 160 / BMI 25.1

Finished the month off strong weighing 250.4! More stressed than ever about my parents. Been under performing at work. Marriage is good. Therapy is good. Things are okay and the sun has been peeking out a bit more.

RIP Fleeka 💔

This week I weighed in at 256.2- I looked back at my logged weights in my fitness pal and I haven’t weighed this light since 2018. That year I promptly ended a diet and went from 237 to 270 between like march and July. Idk exactly what happened during that time that caused this, but I’m glad I documented it. That was the first year we lived together. That was also the year I found out grandma was sick. And we put down Oso. I guess I did a good amount of growing up that year.

I see memories pop up on Snapchat from 2017 when I weighed 215. I’m excited to have that body again, to fit in my places, to travel more comfortably, to hopefully one day have my perception of my body actually match my physical body. I’ve been feeling so tiny lately! It’s a nice feeling. Also, constantly reminding myself that I weigh more than I did when I started my 2016 diet. I thought I was so huge then. Eesh. I guess I was but now I’m bigger lol. My brain is trying to catch up.

Currently healing from burn out ❤️‍🩹

V and I are doing well- in our last couples session we discussed my role in my family/burn out and how that affects our marriage. And what next steps I want to take with my family.

The cats are fine- gonna be 7 in April 🥺. We decided after Jackie and Ava pass away we aren’t going to have other pets. It’s too much. We love them now and we will always love them, but we don’t really want the responsibility forever.

I haven’t seen my parents in a few weeks. I don’t really know much about how they’re doing because they don’t call or text me really. Last week my dad called once though- he told me that Auntie Gerri got diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal. She starts chemo Wednesday Jan 21, 2026. I sent her a message on instagram telling her I love her.

My job is fine. I’m getting behind with training plan calendar, but I think we can gain some ground this week. It’s whatever.

I completed my Labubu collection V1-V4. I am still finding new figurines that I like as well as Labubu accessories but I’m def slowing down. I’ve been trying hard not to touch my credit card at all. I’m doing better, but still not 100%. I’m planning on selling at the flea market soon to unload a bunch of my blindbox mistakes lmao. Plus I have a ton of clothes and household things to get rid of.

I was stuck and feeling like I’d plateaued with my weight. I’ve been thinking more about my protein AND fiber. I’m already down a pound since I added a touch of mindfulness back into my diet. Today I weighed in at 257.4 - just about 60 pounds down since March 2025! I’m injecting 45 units on Saturdays. 60 whole pounds I can’t believe it. Currently wearing a 16 in torrid jeans, 38DDD bra, 1X Nike sports bra, XL leggings from Gap and a 1 in torrid tops. My grandma’s wedding rings stopped fitting me last Fall- pretty sad about that tbh.

My 2026 goals:

1. Continue losing weight slowly

2. Work on my credit card debt, def don’t add to it

3. Work on shot with my family - keep boundaries AND discuss it with them

4. Work on my burnout - be more present for V

I’ve been weighing 259-261 for this whole month. Hopefully this isn’t a plateau because I don’t have the energy to change my life again right now

So burnt out.

I weighed in at 266.8 today! Officially down 51lbs since March 2025.

No help is coming. No sibling to switch off with, no spouse to drop off supplies, no dad to take a shift. No help is coming.

In other news, I am currently fitting into a torrid bombshell straight pair of jeans in a size 16. I’m weighing 270.2 last I checked. I’m feeling good doing the 30 unit injections. I might stay on 30 tbh.

This month has already been so hard. Work is stressful with 9 trainees. Every day at work gets away from me, I feel minimally productive.

Dad is in so much pain. David is in so much turmoil, grieving Brian too. Mom is in such poor health and grieving. Audrey is depressed and absent. Fran is depressed and broken hearted. Matt is depressed and grieving Gannon. Velman is tired from work.

I’ve been injecting 23-25 units of tirzepitide weekly. Tomorrow I’m upping to 30 units! I’ve been weighing 275-276 for a couple weeks now I’m hoping I start losing again soon- I’m grateful to have been able to at least maintain with all the stress, vacation and more stress.

Grandma Martinez died 09/19/2025. Same day as Grandma Marsico, remarkably. I took mom to Denver - we stayed in the hotel room and watched the funeral on Yvette’s livestream. We spent a lot of time with Yvette, uncle frank and his wife Artemisa. I shopped and mom slept during downtime. I lost my patience with mom when she was talkative. I regret that.

Then V and I took off to Vegas for his bday week. More Labubu’s, Nike and a whole lot of lovin’.

Ive been back to work for two weeks and I think im getting sick. My acne has been raging for about a month now and I need a break. Like an actual break. I’m so stressed about mom’s health, my weight, my credit card, V and the cats, the state of the world, everything. Yesterday in couples session he said he doesn’t want more pets after Jack and Ava. I cried. I get it and it hurts.

August was one long blur full of work, Labubu’s and financial anxiety.

I’ve been on tirzepitide all month- currently in the high 270’s 😌 fitting into XL Old Navy active and size 20 torrid jeans. Plus my shoes are fitting better but my rings are loosening.