The Damp Knight - a fake SU Episode.
So I decided to try my hand at writing out a full script and story for one of the newest fake episodes mentioned on the blog. It’s called the Damp Knight. When I read the synopsis for the plot of this episode, I knew it was something I needed to try. It sounded like it could be funny and a formative experience for Peridot and Lapis’ friendship with one another. So I hope you like what I did here, and as usual I just hope you enjoy. Thank you again for reading!
And thanks again for the plot synopsis by @fakesuepisodes.
“Hm.” Spoke a thoughtful Peridot. Her hand was touching her chin in any way a thoughtful person might touch their chin. “Hm.” She said again, not too long after the first ‘hm’, even though there was a distinct pause in between the two.
“Hmmm.” She continued, another pause between the second and third noises, but this third one seemed to be a little longer.
“Hm.” Another short one that sounded like a question. By now Peridot was pacing around the barn thoughtfully.
“Hmmmmmm.” Her hand moved, along with the other hand, to her head to hold it as the last ‘hm’ sound she made was quite loud and long, and sounded a little frustrated. No matter how she thought about this, no matter what angle she took it didn’t make sense. What could Lapis possibly be doing that would enable her to leave the barn every single night and return sometime during the early morning, where Peridot is most occupied with thinking about her inventions or other ideas off in a private space. And sometimes, even, she would be trying to do the thing that Steven was telling her about; sleeping.
It was actually quite fun sometimes, well, if you could get the hang of it. And speaking of Steven, he happened to be there in the barn with her today. He decided it was about time he dropped in to see his good pals Lapis and Peridot, the only thing was, Lapis wasn’t here. She still had not returned from wherever she was, and Steven could only hope she was okay out there. Peridot probably assumed that she found somewhere else to stay temporarily while she made the trip home; it was rainy after all recently.
“Peridot, are you okay? You’re pacing back and forth and you seem to have a lot on your mind.” Steven stated worriedly.
“Yes Steven.” She answered, thoughtfully again. “I am just finding it a little strange and.. odd that Lapis continues to disappear each night. What would be the reason someone would flee from their home? Is she not happy here?” Peridot asked immediately.
Steven raised his hands up as if he wanted her to slow down. The boy knew she had probably been thinking about this nonstop as it concerned her. But Steven didn’t want her to be concerned, because the thing that Lapis was leaving for could very well have nothing to do with Peridot. And then again it could have everything to do with Peridot. Steven didn’t really know – he wasn’t even aware that she had been leaving, which is why he expected to see both of them here today.
“Well I don’t know anything about this, but I don’t think it has anything to do with you Peridot.” Steven said sweetly.
“What?” Peridot stopped and slowly turned her head to focus on Steven. Steven suddenly became nervous for what she was about to say. “You mean you don’t know? How could you have not noticed? The leaving the barn at random, and odd times during the night. The not returning till the day after. The ‘too tired to do anything’ attitude. Gems don’t get tired Steven, we don’t get tired!” Peridot began yelling in an excitable way. Steven’s eyes widened a bit. How could he have known all that, he wasn’t here most of the time.
“Well, I’m not here in the barn with you all the time so I don’t know all the stuff that happens here. What I do know is that Lapis probably has something she doesn’t want to tell us yet and if that’s what it is, then we have to give her the space she needs. When she’s ready to tell us, she will. And even if she doesn’t that’s okay too. Maybe she just misses Homeworld. Or maybe she’s got a lot on her mind too and needs someplace private to think about it, like you do.” Steven tried suggesting things to quell the raging inquiry that was Peridot.
“Hm, it seems I’ve failed to conceive that notion. It could be totally possible that Lapis misses Homeworld. It could also be totally plausible that she needs somewhere private to think, like my broken down truck just outside the back of the barn!” Peridot laughed. “How could I have missed something like that?” She cleared her throat. “Hm, um, thank you Steven. For your calculative suggestion.”
Steven giggled. “You’re welcome.” Then he decided to get silly with it. He was here for the whole day while the other Gems took care of something too dangerous for him, according to Pearl; why not have some fun with it? He just hoped Peridot knew he was kidding. “Or maybe she sneaks out at night because she has a double life. Maybe she’s the most evil, renowned caper in all of Empire City, stealing money and jewels and gems of all kinds into her loot. That kind of thing would keep someone busy.” He suggested.
“She’s stealing… other… Gems?” Peridot made this weird face as she sort of whispered that to Steven.
Steven giggled again. “Like I said she could be really bad.”
Peridot gasped. “Or maybe she’s been building something with a bunch of others. Gathering scraps from the city’s dump isn’t a bad idea. And then bringing them to their meetings in the middle of the night to keep whatever this thing is secret, and then to start building it. I’ll bet that’s what it is!” Peridot’s hand came down into her open one as if she had figured it out.
“Or maybe.” Steven tried to say as he was chuckling at what Peridot said, though Peridot was half serious. “She has a secret relationship going on that she wants none of us to know about. So she sneaks off to go see them. And the only reason she comes home so late or the next day is because she wants to really make sure that we don’t know about it. A secret romance is so romantic sometimes.” Steven said in his reverie. Peridot made a face.
“You really think that’s it?” She scoffed almost at the boy’s romantic dreams. “It’s clearly not that option. If Lapis were interested in someone she would have told me. So far as I know the only love that Lapis has is for Camp Pining Hearts, an entertainment program that we watch together. And if Lapis wishes to go watch that program with someone else, well, haha, that’s ridiculous! I don’t know why you would even suggest such an irrational thing, Steven.” Peridot was giggling. Steven was only kidding around, but looking at Peridot’s reaction…
“Peridot…” He said her name slowly. She looked at him.
“What? What is it?” She said quickly, coming down from her cloud of laughter.
“Are you jealous?” He said again cautiously.
“Jealous? What reason would I have to be jealous? Of Lapis?” Peridot started laughing uncontrollably. Steven didn’t know what he said wrong, it sounded like Peridot was jealous at the thought of Lapis spending time with someone else to him. “That’s priceless Steven, wow thanks for the laugh.” She continued laughing throughout that sentence, and didn’t show signs of stopping any time soon.
The Gems had returned from their mission around dinnertime for Steven and picked him up just as Peridot and him were sitting down to discuss her newest piece idea. Peridot was a little disappointed but knew that Steven must return to his residence, and as such was able to tell him goodbye for now with a hope to see you again real soon.
The first thing Steven did when he got home was heat up some of the microwavable pasta cups they had. They were made almost like the real thing, you know if the real thing was in a tiny little cup that you could heat up and eat out of. He loved those things because they were fast and easy to make, and he could eat like 5 of them if he was really hungry. And then he decided to do his second most favorite thing in the world – second most only to Crying Breakfast Friends viewings or playing his ukulele.
And that was signing onto TubeTube to see what new and interesting videos there were in his recommendations today. He usually liked to sit down and watch them while he ate his dinner, and had nothing but sweet things to say about a new singer trying out their rendition of a song, or a new video boldly going where no video has gone before. But there was something new and interesting in his recommendations that he didn’t usually see. Normally he didn’t pay much attention to the news because he didn’t think it was that interesting. I mean come on, acid rain falling from the sky? Is that the best they can do? Steven has seen other things fall from the sky that are way scarier than acid rain.
But this particular video clip that looked like it was taken from someone’s cell phone, as the camera angle was weird and the view seemed quite shaky, was of someone in a mask that looked familiarly blue chasing down criminals and other bad people within Empire City and bringing them to justice. This blue person did seem oddly familiar to Steven, but for now he was just enjoying the video. He loved how the blue hero was able to catch the bad guys on multiple occasions and even more than that, that there was a compilation of these videos that the person filming this event had put out; thank you person for having such a good view of the action.
Later Steven found out from the news segment that aired in Empire City recently that these events were happening just outside the guy’s apartment and that’s why he was able to catch it on video like he did. Steven thought that was cool because they didn’t really have too many apartments, if at all, here in Beach City. He wondered what life would be like living with other people on different floors and in a much more cramped setting briefly.
His thoughts were interrupted when Pearl came through the door and into the kitchen to make some tea.
“Hello Steven.” She greeted him happily.
“Hi Pearl.” He said back, completely entranced with the swift motions of this masked blue hero.
“Don’t sit so close to your screen or you may hurt your eyes. What even are you watching? It sounds like some kind of gruesome fight scene.” She set the water in the pot on the stove to boil and then made her way over to Steven. Steven sat back heeding Pearl’s warning.
“Oh it’s this video of this masked blue hero in Empire City who keeps catching all the bad guys and bringing them to justice. They’re like a superhero!” Steven stood up and struck a pose, a heroic one. Pearl studied the video while he did that.
“Blue? Steven, what human do you know that is blue in color?” Steven took a moment to think but didn’t linger on it as he quickly shrugged. “You don’t think this could be a new Gem do you?” Pearl worried for a moment.
Steven shrugged again. He really wasn’t being helpful.
“Well I would imagine if all they’re doing is using their abilities for good and to bring justice to Empire City we can let this one go if it is a new Gem. They aren’t causing anyone harm, they’re actually saving people.” Pearl thought out loud and Steven nodded.
“Well.” He was looking at the video again. “When you look at it closely, it kinda looks a little like Lapis.” He remarked. Pearl suddenly spiraled inward to look at the video again, this time more closely than she had before. She would study the movements of the Gem involved and see if they matched Lapis.
“Hold on a moment, let me see that again.” She said, leaning in. And Steven was right. The movements, the way she moved, the form she had, they all matched up to Lapis. It looked a lot like Lapis, they acted a lot like Lapis – so then the only explanation was that it had to be Lapis right?
“I’d believe it was her.” Steven said next. “She’s been missing from the barn a lot. She goes out at night without telling Peridot where she’s going, and then returns sometime the next day. And sometimes she doesn’t even do that. She’s worried about her, and I am too.” Steven stated, explaining what happened earlier today in his conversation with Peridot.
“Oh.” Was the only thing Pearl could say. “Well then, we have to confront her about this. Immediately.” Steven nodded. When he was with the Gems he was brave.
It seemed crime had stopped overnight in the city that never sleeps. Where crime used to never sleep, it was sleeping now thanks to the Damp Knight! Or at least that’s what people were calling her. Lapis decided she liked doling out vigilante justice and clearing the streets of all the despicable people that would do these despicable things.
She had found her calling as far as she was concerned and there was no way she was going to give this up now. She had a job to do instead of just laying around the barn all day doing nothing, and that job was to protect the people of Empire City.
She stood tall on top a really high building, scoping out the view below for anything out of the ordinary. It was a windy night and the moon was directly overhead in a full light. But her trance was suddenly broken when she heard a voice speak to her, and it was like somewhere in some remote dimension a record scratching noise could be heard.
“Lapis?” Steven questioned as he climbed up the last part of the building to be on top of the roof with Lapis. The Gems helped him get up there with Amethyst’s whip tied securely around his waist so that if he did fall she could easily be able to reel in him and Garnet to catch him. But for now they just kept a watchful eye on the youngest member of their group as he went to go converse with the so-called Lapis.
Lapis turned around abruptly, shocked someone who knew her had found her. She thought had been very discrete about this.
“Steven!” She said, surprised, in the bad way. “What are you doing here? How… how did you know it was me?” She asked, realizing he had said her name a moment later.
“Oh I didn’t. Pearl helped me figure it out. We saw this video of you on TubeTube fighting crime in the city. And I thought you were so cool. Pearl was watching cool and though she approves of everything you’re doing, she’s worried you might be taking this thing too far. We all are.” He said, folding his arms over his heart as he spoke.
Of course someone would be filming her. Lapis forgot about that fact and cursed the fact that she had. Well it looked like her secret was out.
“Why are you all so worried? I’m bringing justice to Empire City. I’m doing what you Crystal Gems do all the time for the Earth. I’m protecting and saving these people. This is my life now, Steven, don’t you understand?” She asked, afraid that he was here to talk her out of it now.
“I know.” Steven was speaking about the strong breezes of wind that blew by and then settled down every now and again. “We all want you to do what you love to do, but we’re worried you might be taking this thing a bit too far. It’s great that you’re protecting the people here from the crime that happens a lot – but you have a place back at the barn with Peridot and back in Beach City with us.” Steven spoke quite vulnerably. “We just want you to come home before you get yourself into some serious trouble.”
“I can’t.” Lapis turned her back to him again, standing on a ledge so thin Steven knew he would lose his balance if he were standing on it. Then again he supposed Lapis had nothing to fear being that she could fly. “Because crime never sleeps here, and if that’s how it is, then I won’t rest either.” She dove down seeing something beginning to happen in the streets below. Steven’s face hardened as he decided to jump off the other side of the building back down to the Gems awaiting him. The other side, not the side that Lapis jumped off of. He was received by Garnet who caught him gently.
“We have to stop Lapis. I think she’s in trouble. She’s on the other side of the building, fighting someone right now.” He warned the Crystal Gems and Peridot who had tagged along for this journey. She was being rather quiet for once and keeping to herself, because she wanted to see how this whole thing played out. She was also quite worried about Lapis even if she didn’t wish to say it.
The Crystal Gems, including Peridot, all rushed to where Steven said Lapis would be. Lapis was being restrained by something she couldn’t get out of, no matter how she struggled, and this time she knew that she wasn’t dealing with ordinary human crooks.
Lapis was being restrained by some kind of tongue or tentacle arm of a Gem monster. This could only be the works of them. As Peridot noticed what was restraining her and the Gem monster unmasked itself due to the fighting, Peridot had to remark:
It roared again as it set its sights on Peridot for a moment. A small ‘eep’ was enough to make it see that the little green Gem meant no harm and didn’t want to be a part of this. The monster roared again and set its sights on Lapis, and then quickly had to look away from her as the rest of the Crystal Gems had their weapons drawn.
“What would a Gem monster be doing on the streets of Empire City?” Pearl wondered aloud.
“It wouldn’t by itself unless it were confused or lost. I don’t think that’s the case.” Garnet spoke intelligibly. “My guess is that someone is somehow controlling this thing, giving it orders to do what they want it to do. It’s hard to do such things but we’ve seen it done before with Jasper. So it’s not impossible.” Garnet adjusted her visor.
“Then we’ll just have to take it down!” Amethyst yelled and rushed into battle, trying to wrap her whip around the monster and squeeze it enough to set Lapis free, but instead it just grabbed the whip, pulled it tight and within one quick snapping motion of its arm snapped the whip in two. Amethyst yelled.
“Oh come on!” She tossed the broken whip aside and brought a new out of her Gem.
“What are you all doing here? Stay back, this is my fight and I can handle this!” Lapis yelled and tried to free herself by use of her water control, but her hands were pinned in the way she was being held and squeezed and she couldn’t get the motion she wanted to in order to attack the enemy holding her. It didn’t help, also, that there wasn’t a lot of water surrounding Empire City, so her powers weren’t going to be too effective here.
Lapis yelled out in pain as she felt the arm tighten around her even more. If she were squeezed any tighter she might poof!
“Hold on Lapis, we’ll get you out of there!” Steven called out.
Pearl and Garnet got right on attacking the beast, careful not to attack Lapis in the process. Steven offered coverage for them until they needed to attack with his shield and shielded them from damage with his bubble. Amethyst was working on another one that had showed up behind the bigger one that had a hold of Lapis. Peridot was off to the side hoping that the Crystal Gems could poof the monsters and come out victorious in this fight. Of course she also had been trying to move a metal slot that was in the street for 10 minutes now, but it wasn’t working.
The more Lapis struggled, the harder it was on her. The harder the monster squeezed her, and the harder it was for the Gems to take the monster down without harming Lapis. The monster was a lot tougher than the Gems thought, a lot tougher than Lapis thought too.
Pearl sought to cut the arm off that was holding Lapis but was batted away with one of its many arms. Garnet was able to land a few punched on the creature but not before it came back with its own punches from its others arms as well. Garnet was knocked back a little bit but continued rushing in to stop the thing and to free Lapis. Steven was trying to get a good angle on the thing and use his shield to quickly cut it off, but it seemed, as the monster turned to allow him to do this, it was too late. The monster had squeezed Lapis too hard and she had poofed. The Gem was now sitting on the ground beneath the tentacle-armed monster. Steven rushed in there swiftly and dove to grab it, then diving out of the way again. He cradled Lapis in his hands gently, placing his shield on the ground for a moment, upset that he was too late and couldn’t do anything about this. He knew she’d be okay but he didn’t want her to take too long in coming back, he’d miss her too much.
Luckily it wasn’t that long at all as Lapis started reforming minutes after she was poofed. She came back ready to do her “job” as she called it, but she came back to witness that the Gems had this under control. The Gems quickly poofed the Gem monsters now that Lapis wasn’t a factor in the equation anymore and Garnet collected the Gems in bubbles sending them back to the basement of the temple. They all walked over to Lapis and Steven, glad to see she was okay. But she really wasn’t in the mood to hear a lecture from any one of them, especially Pearl. She wanted to continue doing this and even if they asked her not to, she would.
But much to everyone’s surprise the person who spoke up to Lapis was Peridot.
“Now Lapis, what you’re doing is noble and just, we’re just all worried that something like this is going to happen to you more times than once.” Pearl started. “And we can’t always be here right away to help you defeat those monsters. We’ll get to the bottom of who sent them and why they sent them here eventually, but we want you to know that you don’t need to feel obligated to stop crime here in the city and protect them because-…”
“I know.” Lapis cut Pearl off coldly. “I know what you’re going to say to me and I don’t care. I liked doing this until tonight, and the only reason it’s been ruined for me is because you all showed up.” She crossed her arms and pouted.
“We all showed up because we were concerned about you. And if we hadn’t you might still be wrapped up with that monster and fighting to break free. Or worse, poofed and defenseless without a way to save the city from the monsters or yourself from the monsters.” Garnet spoke again, intelligibly. “You should really think about leaving the crime here to the police and only coming here when it’s an extreme emergency. Tonight was an emergency, but all the others weren’t. And while I’m sure the police force here is thrilled to have someone on their side making their jobs easier for them, it’s also not your job to stop crime all in the couple of nights you have been doing this. We just think you might be taking this a little too seriously, and a little too far.” Garnet finished her speech. Lapis didn’t want to listen.
“I’m going to keep doing this. I’ve been doing this for weeks now and none of you have caught me. It’s only because of that stupid video Steven saw that you’re all even here right now. I want you all to leave and go back home. I’ll continue doing my job protecting the people of Empire City, and you’ll continue doing your job protecting the people of Earth as the Crystal Gems.” Lapis bit at them. Steven didn’t know what to say. He thought they were doing the right thing? Hey wait a second, did she just say she had been doing this for weeks and hadn’t been caught?
“It’s this kind of work that makes me happy. And I won’t have that ruined for me.” Lapis stated again quite darkly.
“I don’t know honestly how this, doing this every night for the past few weeks undetected to give you the joy and satisfaction that it does, and maybe it’s inconceivable to me because we’re two different Gems.” Peridot started as she walked closer, so that she could be heard. “But it goes beyond the fact that everyone’s worried about you Lapis. We understand what makes you happy and we’re not trying to take that away from you. But we need you to understand that as Steven said, you have a place with us back in Beach City and you have a place with me back at the barn. I didn’t know where you kept running off to and for the longest time I couldn’t figure it out myself. Just the other day Steven and I were exchanging plausible but mostly laughable solutions to my missing Lapis problem. You’re doing things for people here that didn’t ask you to do this for them, and that’s nice but… uh, how do I say this?” Peridot took a moment to think.
“If the thing isn’t broken, then don’t try to fix it, I suppose is what I’m trying to say. If you look at the facts Empire City has always been like this. There are criminals day in and day out that steal things and commit other crimes and that is why the police force in Empire City is always so busy and it seems they never sleep. But they have a whole force, a whole army of their own devoted to bringing down these criminals and making sure the city sees justice. You can’t hope to accomplish that on your own Lapis, no matter how capable you are.” She explained. “So just.. I guess what I’m asking you here is, Lazuli, will you please come home?” She extended her hand outwards towards her in the hopes that she would take it. In the hopes that her words would reach her. Lapis was surprised. Through all of this was Peridot confessing that she missed having her around? Well she supposed if she was needed back home then she could make the trip back and leave all the crime fighting here to the police. It was their job after all. Her job as a Gem on Earth was to defend it in whatever way possible, and whenever there was another potential threat she would see to it that the threat would disappear. But she wasn’t a Crystal Gem or anything.
She took Peridot’s hand and everyone’s’ faces lit up in relief.
“Okay.” Lapis smiled and giggled softly. “Let’s go home.” She told her. Lapis’ water wings flew out from her back and she took off into the sky heading in the direction of the barn with Peridot clinging to her hands, dangling in the air beneath her. Her face told everyone she was quite frightened to be up as high as she was. But they were well on their way home, and finally Lapis felt she could rest. If Peridot would let her.
The Crystal Gems smiled as they watched this happen.
“So what was that all about? The Gem monsters here in the city?” Pearl questioned.
“I don’t know.” Garnet said. “But I’m sure we’ll find that out eventually. We need to give it time, nothing happens overnight.” Garnet started to walk back to their house on the beach of Beach City, Amethyst and Pearl following suit. Steven started to walk behind Pearl as well in the direction of home, as he suddenly stopped to turn and laugh.
“Haha – I get it. Overnight.” A star descended in and close on his face as he turned to run and catch up to the Gems ahead of him.
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