The Trumpslator

Yes, I did indeed just recently express my complete lack of regret of all the things I never even bother recall saying. But, I am now going to regret my complete lack of regret. At most times, words come out of my mouth at a greater speed than thoughts come into my head. For that I express my understanding of you expecting me to apologise.

I drop word bombs intending for them to detonate, not to be disarmed. I demand action but I don’t care for reaction. To be honest: I’m actually biologically incapable of saying that word that the famous gay singer with the gay glasses said seemed be the hardest word. It’s impossible!

I am not articulate. I have trouble pronouncing the word articulate. I am not educated. I sell fake education. Learning to communicate with my fellow men and women is beyond my understanding. Communication does not lead to world domination. And I’m not here to dominate - not collaborate.

I think that my opponent, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, is receiving biased and kid-gloved treatment by a media that has covered her personal life, finances, career, including recent email scandal, in detail for over 30 years. Speaking of which, I can’t understand how a Wellesley and Yale-educated lawyer and elected politician with decades of top-level U.S. federal experience could be considered talented or ready for the challenges she has prepared herself for her entire life.

If an elected Mrs. Clinton fulfilled her lawful duty as Head of State of nominating a Supreme Court justice to replace the vacancy left by the late Justice Scalia, it would be nothing short of a disaster for those of you who consider the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution a patent to concealed carry, unless you remove the obstacle of her head. I woe the day that a President would nominate and Congress would lawfully confirm a Justice who would not pander to a future of private militias...there’s really only one way to be sure, isn’t there?

This, what I said right here, is an oxymoron. I’ve been taught that an oxymoron is not a stupid male cow, but a thing that doesn’t make sense. A contradiction. Much like myself.

A Trumpslation: I have read (yes, someone read it to me) about the continent of Great Britain. I am familiar with its existence. My subordinates have invested a great deal of my fortune in the land. I would encourage the people of Great Britain to make an educated decision whether to stay in the EU or leave. By saying that, I of course really want them to leave.

I’d like to draw your attention to the fact that my powers of discernment and understanding of rational behaviour are very limited: the only strategies I respect are direct aggression and violence. When I can’t understand someone’s approach, it makes me scared, and I try to make them my enemy, because inside I’m a scared baby-man. Complex ideas will also make other ignorant people afraid and confused. Because my spoiled daddy’s boy insides are whining so loud for attention, I find President Obama’s refusal to employ inflammatory rhetoric baffling, incomprehensible and infuriating. Don’t you agree?

I was recently informed about the PGA tournament's sudden relocation to Mexico. It’s a travesty to our great nation, in my humble opinion. If I were more self centered I would consider it a personal attack on my brand and emporium. Cadillac has always been a loyal sponsor, but to host the Cadillac World Golf Championship in Mexico goes again the basic laws of logic. Cadillac is the one true great name we have left that embodies the, not at all dated, American dream. I pray for the lives of the golfers and supporters travelling to Mexico City. I want to emphasise the importance of getting proper insurance before embarking on such a risk filled trip. Finally, I need to emphasize how saddened I am by the disrespect of tradition in American sports.

I have read about the country of Great Britain. I am familiar with its existence. My subordinates have invested a great deal of my fortune in the land. I would encourage the great people of Great Britain to make an educated decision whether to stay in the EU or leave.