thetimeisnowsomehow

If I had the money I would get a back tattoo of the konoha founders. I want to carve the obession into my flesh to remember when it has faded. Dimmed by the stupid distractions of the world.

And some sushi. Or maybe just something cold. Sigh. My legs are not cooperating together. Fuck.

If you do have chronic pain and still choose to carry a human parasite fully then you are mentally compromised and possibly suicidal.

I do not love my chronic pain. I did not choose it. But know what harm is and what harm does. And pregnancy is harm. Labor is harm. Childcare while injured is harm. Caring for another when you are ill is harm. Taking on more than you can take is harm.

Imagine you were susceptible to a very specific kind of cancer. And everyone made light of it.

Kids are just another sexually transmitted disease I don't want to have to deal with. Just because everyone's mum got cancer doesn't mean want to endure cancer. It's still cancer.

Childfree because injury is injury, no matter the injury.

And every month an alarm goes off anyways. At least now the alarm feels more like just a noise i have to endure, instead of a threat reminder. The threat is gone. But it was heavy to carry for years. Especially since the threat is considered normal, and everyone around you mostly succumbed. And they wanted you to join them.

I love technology. I love the future. I love that I used the modern internet to find a gyno who would do the bisalp. I love that I could do the recovery and travel myself. I love that I will never turn out or live like my mother. And the bisalp made that possible for me.

Weirdly enough

Like I understand that their cumpet is more important TO THEM. It doesn't mean shit to me. But they seem to think that I should care as much as they are caring and honey no. No No nooooo.

YOU have to care because it is YOUR fuckup. It is YOUR loss. Not mine. In fact, i prefer adults with no cumpets to interfere with anything. And no I dont want to support anything kid related. It will never ever be reciprocated because I will never fuck up that way. And parents cannot get reciprocation from the kids so they get all entitled towards other adults. And then they get jealous. Because their fuckup is costing them energy and time and money while us childfree are using those wiser.

They are crappy friends because no matter what you do for or with them they are having the crisis of parenthood. And its exhausting giving to people who don't give back. AND they want fucking applause for doing this optional thing. No! You wanted this! You suffered for this! I'm not wasting my spoons on your bullshit self serving trap!

When I was young in the chronic pain journey, I went to an in person free emotional and mindfulness support group offered by my doctors clinic. I was in my 20s, the other attendees were 40s and up, majority women and a maybe 3 men.

I was there for chronic pain and ptsd management. EVERY, SINGLE. LAST. ONE OF THEM. complained about their family situation involving their children.

Every. Last. One. These adults didn't mention any physical pain. They came to complain about their children.

I was so angry. I started drawing jthm in my notebook and never attended another group.

I started hating them. Their kids didn't choose them as parents! It is not their fault they are unsatisfied with their lives. All of these parents were overweight too. It was as if their nastiness overflowed and bloated their bodies. Years of resentment and regrets. And the worst part: this is what they started connecting with each other over. Co miserating about their kids. It was like the hive mind took over in a really depressing way. They all took comfort in the regret.

It filled me with misery and anger. How dare you blame the innocent for your choosen path? How dare this be what is called love! These families are ILL and evil. And they make the world a worse place. And THAT is not what i needed while in pain and seeking help.