The Thoughts You Never Heard

if there’s one thing I despise, it’s living in filth

If there’s one thing I miss, it’s having a home

if there’s one thing I hate, it’s being in one place for too long

If there’s one thing I hate it’s quitting before the job is over

If there’s one thing I avoid, it’s always being alone with my thoughts

if there’s one thing I end up doing, it’s living with other people

If there’s one thing I’m learning it’s how to live with my choices

if there’s one thing that scares me, it’s that I can’t trust myself these days

If there’s one thing I’ll avoid, it’s working my life away

if there’s one major stresser rn, it’s not being able to pay my bills

If there’s one thing I’ll avoid it’s leaving him, even if it’s for a good reason.

If there’s one thing I fail at, it’s working for money

If there’s one thing I end up with, it’s no money and no escape plan

If there’s one feeling I hide, it’s feeling hungry

If there’s one compliment I love, it’s that I’ve been loosing weight

If its not an interruption, then it’s people talking over me

If then can’t hear then they can’t understand me

If I get one regret, it’s how I treat others when I’m hurting

If there’s one thing that hurts, it’s how the world has been betrayed me

If there’s one thing I hope, it’s that their hearts will change

If there’s one thing I do, its opening up to people who aren’t even willing to read me in the first place

If there’s one place I thrive, it’s a classroom

If there’s one thing I was blessed with, its learning and teaching others

If there’s one act I ignore, it’s talking in a bookstore

If there’s one place I feel alive, its a concert venue

If there’s one medicine I need, its my music

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, its when people make fun of my music

If there’s one thing I loathe, its being called “whitewashed”

If there’s one sight that’s overseen, it’s ignorance and cruelty

If there’s one thing I know, its that someone has to take the first step

If there’s one thing I pray, it’s that it won’t always have to be me

If there’s one thing I fear though is I will always have be the one to live with it

If there’s one thing I hope, its that I won’t have to forever

Written after a conversation with a friend: “It’s the same way you can tell there isn’t enough sugar in the koolaid but yet not one person just puts more sugar in the koolaid. It’s how they’ll get 2/3 glasses, but won’t wash the dishes claiming they “don’t make them”

That was my first lesson in pain management. That I would be fine, that I should ignore the injuries and keep going. After my father realized my arms weren’t working properly, he took my the ER, the doctors praised me for my pain tolerance. That’s the first time I remember thinking pain didn’t matter.

One time, I was on a first date, and it turned out to be my last date for a very long time. I ended up broken and in the hospital. That was the last time I remember telling myself that my pain didn’t matter. I woke up, I got up, and I fought to ease the hearts of my family and friends.

I’ve never done anything for me a day I’m my life, I can’t even cook dinner if I think I’m the only one who is gong to eat it....

It’s time I be honest.

I’m trying. I’m going through the motions, and I’m doing my best, but it’s catching up with me. The pain is becoming unbearable. It’s making it hard to breathe, and I don’t think I’ve ever experienced heartbreak like this before.

If I had a nickel for every time I tried to make a sad man feel less sad

If I had a dollar for every time I gave it all for someone who wouldn’t even give me their last name

If I had a dime for everytime someone told me I was one, and then tossed me like a forgotten wish back into a fountain

If I had a penny for every time someone promised me forever and then took that long to give it to me

I want to write about you staying

I want to write about how I wasn’t rilieved when you stayed

I also want to write about how I was still heart broken when you finally did go

I want them to know I loved you

And how much I miss you