The Televoid

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Miss Mystic Falls” (Season 1, Episode 19) and “Blood Brothers” (Season 1, Episode 20). This time around, the gals are talkin’ “ThE gILbErT cHaRm,” loving one trash man, how “Miss Mystic Falls” is like HBO’s Run, GIUSEPPE, and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “Amends.” See? A lot of Vampire Diaries talk.

ALSO: LaToya and Morgan end up potentially getting both themselves and the podcast canceled in this episode. Please stick around to the end to see if they convince you not to cancel them.

“A GALA SO BLOODY, YOU'LL BE WEARING RED” (“Miss Mystic Falls”) “THE HATRED BEGINS, IN THE PAST” (“Blood Brothers”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? HOLY SHIT, “Miss Mystic Falls” is absolutely AMPED.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Let The Right One In” (Season 1, Episode 17) and “Under Control” (Season 1, Episode 18). The AMPire Diaries’ resident boy, Michael Chasin (@MichaelChasin), makes his official debut on the podcast as a guest, and thus marks the start of several brand new bits, such as: teen death wish rankings, “slurp,” and what will now be known as “Boy Corner.”

“STEFAN, DAMON, ALARIC AND ELENA AGAINST TOMB VAMPIRES” (“Let The Right One In”) “UNCLE JOHN AND HIS DARK SECRETS” (“Under Control”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s got to go to the more AMPED episode, “Let The Right One In.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “A Few Good Men” (Season 1, Episode 15) and “There Goes the Neighborhood” (Season 1, Episode 16). And boy do we have some questions. Would John Goodman make a good Giuseppe Salvatore? Who is “Bloodybecky”? Does Shay Mitchell have Canadian energy? Is Raising Helen a movie that exists? Did Damon “Damo” Salvatore and Carol “Carol” Lockwood have sex? Also, LaToya, Morgan, and Jill prepare for the “full Boy Time” that will be Episode 9.

“MOTHERS, BACHELORS AND BLOOD” (“A Few Good Men”) “A NEW START” (“There Goes the Neighborhood”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Mothers and bachelors and blood—oh my! “A Few Good Men” is truly AMPED.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Children of the Damned” (Season 1, Episode 13) and “Fool Me Once” (Season 1, Episode 14). LaToya is possibly now Jeremy Gilbert’s #1 fan, Jill just keeps hating on flashbacks, and The Vampire Diaries says the words “leverage” and “doppelganger” for the very first time. Plus, stick around until the very end (meaning, past the end theme) of the podcast for a special treat.

“A BLAST FROM THE PAST” (“Children of the Damned”) “SECRETS OF THE TOMB” (“Fool Me Once”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Again, neither are all that AMPED… But my imagined cadence for “SECRETS OF THE TOMB” comes from this Key & Peele sketch, specifically once it gets to Passion of the Christ. So it wins on that alone.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Bloodlines” (Season 1, Episode 11) and “Unpleasantville” (Season 1, Episode 12). Is Morgan also Jeremy Gilbert’s #1 fan? Was Elena wearing a Bump It? Are the Salvatore brothers really brothers? Are the hosts of this podcast idiots? Tune in to hear a resounding “YES!” to all of these questions and more.

“STEFAN UNCOVERS A STARTLING CLUE TO THE PAST” (“Bloodlines”) “50s DANCE THAT WILL LEAVE YOU BREATHLESS” (“Unpleasantville”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Honestly, neither are all that AMPED… which is ridiculous, because both of these episodes are AMPED. But “Unpleasantville” wins by default.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for a little bit of “History Repeating” (Season 1, Episode 9) and “The Turning Point” (Season 1, Episode 10). Not only does this episode of The AMPire Diaries feature a message from your hosts from the future/present—because we recorded this episode back in April—it also has tangents about who on the podcast is Lea Michele’s #1 fan (back in April, of course), the constant disappointment of J.K. Rowling, and whether to watch Teen Wolf or not.

There is also some conversation about these two episodes of The Vampire Diaries.

“STEFAN LEARNS THE REASON DAMON RETURNED TO MYSTIC FALLS” (“History Repeating”) “STEFAN AND DAMON HAVE SOME NEW COMPETITION” (“The Turning Point”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? “History Repeating” has the more “dun dun DUN…” logline, so it’s gotta be the more AMPED one.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “Haunted” (Season 1, Episode 7) and “162 Candles” (Season 1, Episode 8). Vicki has a vampire costume and Stefan has a friend—both big moments in the series. Here are The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“A HALLOWEEN VICKI CAN SINK HER TEETH INTO” (“Haunted”) “A HAPPY BIRTHDAY THAT WILL END IN TRAGEDY” (“162 Candles”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Well, while “162 Candles” is quite honest, it’s gotta go to “Haunted” for the pun.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “You’re Undead to Me” (Season 1, Episode 5) and “Lost Girls” (Season 1, Episode 6). Elena finds out the truth about vampires, Vicki becomes a vampire, and we also learn about Katherine from 1864 (who was, you guessed it, a vampire). Here are The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“NOTHING HURTS MORE, THAN THE TRUTH” (“You’re Undead to Me”) “THE TRUTH CAN BE VERY, VERY DEADLY” (“Lost Girls”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to the one without the unnecessary comma. So, “Lost Girls.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “Friday Night Bites” (Season 1, Episode 3) and “Family Ties” (Season 1, Episode 4). You gotta love puns, but you’ve also gotta love The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“MYSTIC FALLS IS ROCKED BY VIOLENCE” (“Friday Night Bites”) “YOU'RE INVITED TO A PARTY TO DIE FOR” (“Family Ties”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to “Family Ties.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

And so it begins: The AMPire Diaries. Naturally, it begins with the first two episodes of The Vampire Diaries, “Pilot” (Season 1, Episode 1) and “The Night of the Comet” (Season 1, Episode 2). It also begins (at least in these show notes) with the opening loglines for the official CW synopses for these episodes:

“DESIRE, HEARTBREAK, ENVY, REDEMPTION, FEAR, AND RAGE, BEGINS NOW” (“Pilot”) “ELENA MEETS DAMON AND LEARNS ABOUT STEFAN'S PAST LOVE” (“The Night of the Comet”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to “Pilot.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs—Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich—Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins—Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED along with them on this journey. You just might learn something about yourself in the process.

“We know the risk, but we have to podcast…” (or some variation of that intro that will be constantly botched in the actual podcast… and I’m sorry for that — xoxo, Gossip Fergs)

Welcome to The AMPire Diaries: The Televoid’s Official Vampire Diaries recap and rewatch podcast. Hosted by longtime Vampire Diaries fans LaToya Ferguson (@lafergs) and Morgan Lutich (@LorganMutich), alongside first-time viewer Jill Defiel (@jiilbobaggins), The AMPire Diaries is all about The Vampire Diaries… and getting absolutely AMPED to watch and talk about it. Yep, that’s the pun we went with.

Based on no evidence but our own opinions on our conversations during these podcast episodes, this is the only Vampire Diaries podcast where you can find in-depth critical discussion AND completely unhinged horniness about the series. That’s right: One second we’re talking about race or consent or mental illness in The Vampire Diaries, then the next, we’re talking about our crushes or who we really want to smooch in The Vampire Diaries. If you have layers, then this is the Vampire Diaries podcast for you.

In fact, here is what you can expect of the podcast, according to all three of the hosts:

LaToya, who is probably the least correct, says, “1/3 horniness, 1/3 bits, and 1/3 intelligent conversation about TVD.”

Jill says, “25% bits, 25% intelligent convo, 50% horny.”

And Morgan, who is probably the most correct, says, “40% horny, 10% unrelated pop culture, 30% bits, 20% discussions about the episodes.”

For the next few weeks, we will be dropping two episodes of The AMPire Diaries a week — dissecting two Vampires Diaries episodes per AMPire Diaries episode — before (hopefully) settling into a more chill groove of one episode a week. (Heads up: We pretty much recorded all of Season 1 and, while currently in-progress, probably all of Season 2 in a quarantine vacuum.)

In pretty much most of these episodes, we don’t properly plug things like iTunes ratings (5 stars, please) or where to find the podcast… but if you are listening to this podcast, you probably already know where and how to do all that. The AMPire Diaries: We won’t insult your intelligence.

It might still technically be spring, but we decided to put the call out to Summer Girls everywhere a little bit early and come out of hibernation. We're back -- again! Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as we discuss Raising Dad and the era-appropriate cameo episode starring LFO's Rich Cronin. Join us in discussing the influence of BBMak on the culture, Academy Award Winner Brie Larson's early disinterest in teen heartthrobs, and why casting Kat Dennings has always proven a good choice.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE: THEME/TOO MANY COOKS: bit.ly/3bcTy2f THEME SONG: bit.ly/2XLbP2w YOUNG BRIE LARSON: eonli.ne/2XJKDRW OUR EPISODE OF SABRINA: bit.ly/TTV-E037

Into every generation a set of iconic twins is born: two girls in all the world, a chosen two. Unfortunately, the viewing audiences for The CW's Ringer disagreed and this show was swiftly cancelled after only one delightfully campy season. Get ready for us to make a strong argument why that was a huge mistake. Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as we talk about the perfect follow-up to our coverage of FPJ's star vehicle, Sarah Michelle Gellar's double roles as Bridget and Siobhan, along with plenty of digressions into basically every major dual role-based piece of media for the past ten years.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE: MIRRORS, SYMBOLISM: i.imgur.com/C4gnYvY.mp4 GUN/HERMES SCARF DRAWER: i.imgur.com/bDPIRsM.mp4 TINY MAN ON THE STREET: i.imgur.com/NKN2M7H.mp4 AWFUL TAINTED LOVE: youtu.be/P8KnabjQKmw HALLWAY CCTV SCENE: i.imgur.com/uNcgeW4.mp4 PLOT RECAP BY FBI AGENT: i.imgur.com/y2wOyUg.mp4 H20 JUST ADD WATER TIK TOKS: youtu.be/Gzs8s6ZVa2U OUR H20 JUST ADD WATER EP: bit.ly/TTV-E032

Time to wrap up our coverage of the second half of the season long chaos that took place on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno. Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as they finish the discussion talking about explosive tempers, our never-ending mutual hatred of Julie, and our new campaign to retroactively award CT an Emmy for the scene where he confronts Leah about her being sent to the Inferno.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE: CT/LEAH BLOW UP: youtu.be/kcEgzvsNby8?t=889 CT/SHANE INFERNO: youtu.be/2V_lKLMT-8w?t=1481 JULIE WANTS TO FIGHT CORAL: youtu.be/iZDzZPUWdEE?t=945

Time to turn up the heat and stoke some superficial rivalries! We revisited The Real World/Road Rules Challenge where it, arguably, started going off the rails: The Inferno. Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as they start the discussion of our favorite cast members' origins, the stupid hot nature of a thick Boston accent, and what exactly constitutes attempted murder.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE:

THE FULL CAST: thechallenge.wikia.com/wiki/The_Inferno CORAL AND MIKE ORIGINS: youtu.be/16a7w2NLYaM JULIE ATTEMPTS TO KILL VERONICA: youtu.be/GE8Ab1A3Cp0 DAVID'S ACCENT: youtu.be/VG088PKLr1E?t=6m9s TRISHELLE: bit.ly/2CBlzU2 DARRELL VS. BRAD: youtu.be/Vc_5sgzMtvQ

Surfs up and we're back out catching waves. We revisit the delightfully soapy North Shore and watch their series finale. Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as they discuss the financials behind night club ownership, the benefits of eloping, and a twist ending that might be one of the wildest moments covered on the podcast.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE:

GABE LOOKING TERRIBLE: i.imgur.com/quSkCPG.png LEVERAGE SONGS ARE BETTER: youtu.be/s199JqJusGI THE DUDE IN THE BUSHES THOUGH: i.imgur.com/bZYnMDD.jpg

Yes, that’s right. We returned to the scene of the crime. Literally, a building was burned down and a very serious actor was injured by falling plaster debris! Also Paris Hilton’s entire existence is basically a felony. Join your hosts @maurae and @lafergs as they return to look again at MTV’s Movie Life: House of Wax to discuss why the Padalecki hate has ceased, a reminder of what an alpha male is, and how this show is the perfect encapsulation of the 2000s.

AS REFERENCED IN THE EPISODE:

PARIS HILTON’S REAL VOICE: youtu.be/ZqqAkp8zKp8 PARIS’ VOICE AT THE PARTY: youtu.be/TBGdcqzKtlY?t=690 PARIS’ VOICE MAKING BREAKFAST: youtu.be/TBGdcqzKtlY?t=1270 CHAD’S FREAKOUT: youtu.be/TBGdcqzKtlY?t=4527 PARIS’ VOICE AT THE FLEA MARKET: youtu.be/TBGdcqzKtlY?t=5747 CLASH AT DEMONHEAD’S BLACK SHEEP: youtu.be/jtrmWnFAHYE