blargh

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If you disagree with me, unfollow my blog, block me and never look at my blog again.

Out of 19000+ followers I have, only one of you actually reblogged about this issue, yet a lot of you have reblogged and liked a picture by playboy about catcalling and that how men should never do it.

Additionally, I have received abuse in my ask box (which I will be answering when I can) and threats. In particular death threats and rape threats.

Clinging Whining Drooling Extra Blankets Being pushed away when your Little feels pinned Grabby Hands Hand Holding Sweet Cuddles Spooning 3am Wake-Ups Learning to sleep with a stuffy between Knowing you only get 1/3 of the bed

1. Manipulation.

“But if you loved me you’d….” “You love me unconditionally don’t you?” “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “I’m a little submissive, you control me, so it’s all your fault.” “You hate me don’t you? That’s why you won’t do…” “You are such a dick, why can’t you just do something nice for me, for once.“ 

This is often done by “subs” who are out to use their Dominant for something, often to fulfill their kinky fantasies, and also often to get spoiled. The above phrases are often used to coerce the Dominant into buying them stuff, or participating in sexual play the Dominant is not comfortable with. Please remember you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, I don’t care how much tumblr says you have to eat her out or fuck her on her period, or lick his asshole, or buy her those new plushies and shoes every week, if you are honestly not comfortable with this, don’t let yourself get manipulated and talked into doing it.

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse.

Putting their Dominants down, telling them how worthless/ugly/stupid/dumb/terrible they are, calling them names, and when you get upset you’re told that “it was just a joke.” “Don’t be so sensitive” “You’re overreacting.” “Aren’t you supposed to be the Dominant here?” “You control me so I can’t possibly do something to you you wouldn’t like.” Etc. This often goes hand in hand with manipulation and gas lighting to make the Dominant put up with this kind of abuse.

3. Physical Abuse.

Even if she’s a she, even if they’re 100 pounds and 10 feet smaller than you, if they even do as much as raise a hand at you or threaten to, you are being abused. Hell, even if it didn’t hurt, they are not supposed to hit you. At all. (obviously some couples like to play around a get a little rough and -both people enjoy it-, but I’m sure you all can tell the difference.) Again, if you say that this make you uncomfortable, they will often say things like examples already given. “I thought you were a big strong (wo)man.)” “c'mon, you should be able to take that, baby.” etc.

4. Denying you aftercare.

A lot of Dominants need aftercare too, and many don’t realize it, because for a lot of Dominants taking care of their submissive is their aftercare, but when for some reason this is impossible, Domdrop happens, and it can happen hard. Aftercare is not just for the sub, and if they don’t want aftercare but you know you do, and even after explaining will flat out refuse, it means they don’t care about your well being after an intense scene or session.

5. Refuses to give you any kind of love or affection or care. 

“You’re the Dominant, you should be able to take care of yourself.” “I’m the one who deserves love here.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once.” “Your problems aren’t that bad.“ 

Affection is so important in a relationship, if it’s something you need, don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you those things.

6. Does not support you in hard times.

When say, a relative dies, you may not be able to be as consistent, you still want to be their Dom and they your sub (or maybe not, thats fine too), but you also need them to support you and care for you in tough times. If they tell you to suck it up and take care of THEM instead, they are again a selfish little bitch that only cares about themselves. Take care of yourself when you need to, and you deserve a sub who will take care of you too.

7. Talk bad about things that are perfectly normally in D/s but that doesn’t fit their abusive agenda.

“Serve you? What. No. I’m a little fragile sub, YOU’re supposed to get ME drinks.” “Beg? I’m too good for that. That’s disgusting, you’re supposed to please me whenever I want you to.” “No, that’s not how D/s works.”

(obviously this is different from a sub who is simply not interested in these things, it’s the phrasing and the reasons behind it.) They’ll always make everything about themselves, and when you bring up something that isn’t specially for them, they’ll guilt you and shame you. They’re only interested in themselves and keeping you under their thumb.

8. Deciding everything without negotiation or regard for your feelings.

They never want to negotiate or communicate, play can only be on their terms, them never letting you actually decide or have a say in anything.

Your feelings matter, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t let yourself get talked into anything. Communication is everything in a D/s relationship.

9. They never obey you, they try to convince you D/s is all about the submissive.

There’s a difference between playful, agreed upon brattiness that’s fun for both parties, and using their Dom for their own selfish needs. This is often done by subs who want you to buy them stuff, care for them, spank them, etc, but they do not want to actually obey or serve you. They just want to use you and take advantage of you. Often times, disobedience is more of a sign of an ignorant or inexperienced sub than anything, but when it is paired with manipulation and other things, is when it crosses the line from ignorance to abuse.

10. You feel like you can’t trust them. They lie often.

Trust is everything in D/s, absolutely everything. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have a D/s relationship with them. If they lie a lot, even seemingly small, insignificant lies, it is a sign they do not respect you. Or they’ve cheated, or you’ve heard bad stories from their friends/co-workers, you’ve found suspicious things, etc. You deserve someone you can trust, not a liar.

11. Every single thing that would be abusive in a vanilla setting, or if you were their child, friend, or sub.

Every. Thing. All those other posts and guides and things online and everywhere that talk about signs of abuse? It all applies here. All of it. Don’t put up with what you wouldn’t put up with if it were any other kind of relationship. Cheating, slapping, name calling, lying, blackmailing. 

It is ok to enjoy what pain gives you. It is ok to take joy from your partner’s joy. It is ok to have a threshold. It does not make you weak or incapable. It does not make you a bad person. It is mandatory that you use your safe word or signal if needed. It is ok to have hard limits. It is ok to not know your limits. It is ok to not know how much you can take. It is NOT ok to ignore your own threshold to satisfy someone else’s.

Masochists: It is ok.

Telling them being a minor in kink is ok

Calling them pet names

Referring to yourself as Daddy, Master, etc when talking to them

Saying you’ll be there waiting when they turn 18

Making your Snapchat public to them

Any type of interaction that isn’t “here are some resources for safe sex education. Please stay off my blog.”

Allowing minors on your NSFW blog, no matter how “good” your intentions are, turns your blog into a hunting ground for predators to find and groom them.

We as a community do not and should never have the responsibility of teaching minors about sex amongst our NSFW posts. While safe sex and consent is important for everyone to learn, this is not the environment for it.

Please, please, please mind your W's.

My nose and face are raw from PPE. My heart is broken and dying I think. A numb is setting in.

I am emotionally unprepared for this. There's a reason the subspecialty of medicine I chose is spent mostly in research. You find lots of introverts in labs. (Immunology is not a high mortality area either.)

But mostly it's the terror. I've dealt with plenty of patients who had difficulty breathing, so their terror isn't new to me. It's the staff's terror. We see things we don't understand. The disease does not have a predictable course. We can't see it coming -- the sudden desaturation, the weird kidney or cardiac issues or the über weird neurological issues.

I'm currently treating two ICU nurses. Their terror isn't just their own disease, it's the fear of having infected their family or co-workers.

I'm a puzzle person; I love solving things. But how do I begin to solve a death cult mentality?

This isn't political; it's personal.

Surely sometime in your life a heathcare provider has earned the right to ask for your kindness and accommodation, even if you think we're "sheeple."

For the doctors and nurses that helped you bring new life into the world?

For the doctors and nurses that set a bone or soothed a pain?

For the doctors and nurses that saved your parents or a friend?

For the doctors and nurses you will still one day need?

For mercy's sake?

Please, I'm begging you.

Wear a mask.

We are breaking.

☝🏻

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

You better watch out

You better watch out

I like how you treat others.

I like your voice.

I’m so happy you exist.

Knowing you makes life better.

More people should be like you.

Others should listen to what you have to say.

You accept responsibility when your anger hurts someone.

You approach each day with joy and a happy heart.

You exude great joy.

You have a beautiful soul.

You have as much brightness to offer the world as the next person.

You have great taste.

You inspire others to become better people.

You let go of all the false stories made up in your head.

You make others feel heard.

You make people feel important.

You matter.

You restore faith in humanity.

You show such kindness.

You show your resolve regularly.

You take time to show friends you care about them.

Your confidence is refreshing.

Your ideas matter.

Your integrity matters.

Your passion is contagious.

You’re a very warmhearted person.

You’re accomplishing great things.

You’re ardently inquisitive.

You’re courageous in tough times.

You’re empathically understanding.

You’re empowering.

You’re enthusiastic about life.

You’re extremely caring.

You’re extremely talented.

You’re important even if you don’t think so.

You’re intelligent.

You’re so creative.

You’re so expressive.

You’re strong.

You’re such a great listener.

You’re very down to earth.