ah these pretzels suck @thetalonofgod - Tumblr Blog

fucking cackles i cant believe i still have this login

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thetalonofgod

Hyperion would like to remind you that your chances of survival increases by 69% when you accept Handsome Jack as your savior.

that-catch-a-ride replied to your post: i can’t believe i still know this asshole’s email...

*huggles*

remember when i was active here lmao

#that-catch-a-ride #oh man i miss it so much eheh

i can’t believe i still know this asshole’s email and not cole’s

#im so bitter about everything

All hail our lord and savior Cthulu!

“Call me when Cthulwhatever owns a corporation, kiddo”.

#intenese shrug #Anonymous

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Hyperion would like to remind you that a true Alpha doesn't waste time whining about its status. A true Alpha goes to fuck bitches and dumbass to assert their superiority, just like Handsome Jack did to New Haven.

#this is not what i pay my body doubles to do

Hyperion would like to remind you that the only day to celebrate any King is on Handsome Jack's birthday.

#happy three wannabe kings day kiddos

aloyalemployee

Ah - ah…Well, without any time to call up the people who monitor that, I can’t say with any certainty, uh –

– Really, really well, it’s going great, sir. Extremely productive. 95% efficiency. Profit margin growing all the time. Heh.

thetalonofgod

Is 95% acceptable, Meg?

Remind me, what did I hired you for, cupcake? Other than to bring me coffee and try to look cute, what’s your position here?

#good be thankful meg #be thankful for your handsome boss

Meg, Thanksgiving productivity report

right now

The Hyperion Corporation would like to remind you that the only thing you should be thankful for this Thanksgiving is Handsome Jack's existence. Also, for his perfect hairstyle.

#i don't always log on this blog #but when i do

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blood-soaked-shields-deactivate

+Thetalonofgod

@thetalonofgod

“You are arrogant, cocky, stupid, over-excessive, disloyal, horrid, ugly, and beyond else the worst father I have ever met. Do you want me to go on? Cause I have more than enough to fill up your self-esteem.” Gaige blabbed on insulting the man. She hoped he could hear her loud and clear over the ECHO. “Do you realize how much of a asshole you are now?”

thetalonofgod

“Y A W N. Has anyone ever told you you’re the personification of a yawn?” If eye rolls could be heard, his would be louder than any alarm this kid has ever heard.Or perhaps she could hear his exaggerated chewing showing how enthusiastic he was about hearing her bitch about him. “Go on, keep talking, kiddo. Maybe you’ll get smarter the more you insult a smart person”.

#bloodsoakedsields

#muffled sound of goldigger playing in the bg #pffff you think i'm gonna give my money away like that #pFFFFTTT #kidsisterextraordinaire #[no but for real thank youuu]

Hyperion is willing to pay a thousand dollars to the first individual who sends the great Handsome Jack a message through the hideous tumblr IM system. This offer is just available for the next six seconds

#hit me motherfuckers #i need the im thing here

tediiore

thetalonofgod:

Stand by for an important message from the Hyperion Corporation:

Conference Call Shotgun.

Thank you for standing by, have a great day

I’d be hurt if this wasn’t your humor, Jack, I really would. ‘Conference Call’, ha! Those little buzzwords just make the cutest names!

I do love that our conversations begin with jokes. It warms the heart to see you in such good spirits - what’s got you in such a sunny mood? Is there a new shade of yellow?

thetalonofgod

You know me, cupcake, always in a good mood when I get to hear the voices of the so-called “competition”. I don’t want you hurt, I know the truth hurts but I just can’t have you admitting defeat so easily. Although you should, but that’s for another day. Right now I just want you to remember how hard you’re gonna have to work if you ever want to beat Hyperion and all our lovely shades of yellow. Found new ways to throw your guns like savages?

#tediiore

Stand by for an important message from the Hyperion Corporation:

Conference Call Shotgun.

Thank you for standing by, have a great day

#looking right at you #tediiore

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Still can’t believe you assclowns have any chance to bring my game down. I-I mean, I get it! It’s not every day you find yourselves challenged by someone as intelligent and good looking as I am, but come on.

Seriously? You’re sending people to try block my social media feeds?

Are you freaking kidding me? This is like chikd’s play to me! But since you managed to make me waste valuable minutes of my very expensive time, I’m going to be nice and send you the head of Helena Pierce. In a stick. Covered in dry blood and probably urine, I don’t know, I’m still trying to get past the blood part. Hey, maybe sprinkles might do the trick. Let me know when you get my present, you freaking morons.

#i cant believe i spent #half an hour #trying to get this account back

thetalonofgod

Hyperion would like to remind you that calling youself trash is a copyright infrigment, and that the only person allowed to call you 'trash' is Handsome Jack himself.

#Mfw i still want the trash trend to fucking end so people will stop calling themselves trash

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