Nine years now since I made that comic.
Welcome to the Lack of Experience, Lack of Knowledge, Lack of Imagination Institute.
What dreams can we crush for you today?
Hyde: Hey, yeah. So I wanna run my own record label someday.
Lack Cubed, VP: You live in rural Wisconsin. Never going to happen.
Hyde: My dad owns Grooves. HQ's in Milwaukee. I go there all the time, man.
Lack Cubed, VP: Oh. That's different. People from small towns and suburbs make it in the music business all the time by moving to a city with a thriving music scene, especially folks with talent and resources. I'm sorry, but we can't help you. Next!
Eric: Um, hi. Hello. I think I want to become a toy designer. I'm eighteen and I still play with, well, toys.
Lack Cubed, VP: Unfortunately, no Midwest colleges offer a BFA in Toy Design. Only a handful of colleges exist that do anyway, and they're on the coasts of the country. But if you get a Industrial Design or Mechanical Engineering degree from a Midwestern college, you should have no problem pursuing your -- NEXT!
Fez: I am an immigrant to this country. I have a green card, and I'm working toward getting citizenship. I love chocolate, and I want to make chocolate, and I want to earn money from making chocolate. Like Willy Wonka except without the Oompah Loompas. They give me nightmares.
Lack Cubed, VP: I've looked through your records. There are several incidents of you eating chocolate -- or what you think is chocolate -- off the floor. You devoured the chocolate candy you bought for your girlfriend, and all she received was an empty box. Your friend had to stop you once from a chocolate binge. Shall I go on?
Fez: No. I learned to control those urges once I started having sex. I learned I was using chocolate as a substitute for ... sex.
Lack Cubed, VP: I see. Still, you're not very smart, are you? You seem destined to work a thankless middle management job until you retire.
Fez: My parents sent me to America to get an education. I took honors classes in high school and graduated cum laude. The first word is pronounced KOOM.
Lack Cubed, VP: I know how it's pronounced. Scholarships exist for people in your situation. If you have any proficiency in baking --
Lack Cubed, VP: Why, that's a Chocolate Decadent Cake. And it's fully intact! Mr. Fez, you can go far if you work hard. All the current evidence suggests that's exactly what you'll so, so ... get out!
Lack Cubed, CEO: How many dreams did you crush today?
Lack Cubed, VP: None. Every client who showed up today can achieve what they hope to do.
Lack Cubed, CEO: So you failed to lock their brain in a tiny box from which it cannot escape. What's the name of this institute?
Lack Cubed, VP: The Lack of Experience, Lack of Knowledge, Lack of Imagination Institute.
Lack Cubed, CEO: You exhibited all three: a clear lack of experience; a clear lack of knowledge, and an infinite lack of imagination. Otherwise, you would've crushed everyone's dreams today! You're not cut out for this career. Clear out your office.
Now-Former Lack Cubed, VP: At least it wasn't a total loss. My dream was crushed.