After two years of not speaking with each other, I got to see you.
And honestly, I felt happy. On my way to our meeting place, I can’t contain my excitement.
So many questions came to me.
“Does she still have that smile that I first fell in love with?”
“How should I act around you”
“What her impression of me be like?”
The train reached my stop. I was more nervous. I was calling you but to no avail then I heard your voice and it was magical. I asked you where you were and as I search for the coffee shop you’re at I became more anxious about how I look.
As I came in, I saw you. I saw your smile. I heard your voice again while you were having a serious conversation with a friend. Then, it all came back to me. The past. How happy we were, how serious we were about so many things in life, the future, how our life was back in college and how simple it was, how we were when we had our first date, how we got past all the struggles our relationship has gone through and how we grew together. It was all nostalgic.
Then I asked myself again, “What happened and why did you let go?”
Just by seeing how happy you were. How mature you’ve become by doing things that you’re passionate about which you were unable to do back when we were together because I was too controlling, I got my answer.
“She is where she is supposed to be.”
Then we spoke to each other. You sensed the tension in me. You knew with me sitting right next to you. You told me to calm down and relax. You knew that I haven’t had sleep yet. I’ve been awake for 24 hours. I was unable to sleep. The fact the we will be seeing each other after two years of breaking up kept me awake. Then you stroked my right temple because you knew about how my head hurts when I do not get enough sleep. I could never forget that moment.
I gave you my gift, had a small talk with your friend and just after 45 minutes, I said that I should get going. I stood up, you didn’t. I shook your friend’s hand as a courtesy then with you sitting right next to where I was standing, I touched your tattoo. Your elephant tattoo. I said it’s cute. You said something but I didn’t understand it that much because the sadness was creeping in that it may be the last time that I will be seeing you. As I was standing right next to you, you put your arms up as a sign of a goodbye hug. I went in closer, gave you an awkward hug and a pat on the head. (Idk why I did that - funny, that was also the first thing I did to you when we randomly bumped into each other back in college.)
It’s not that I was uncomfortable. I knew that you have some place else to go to. At the same time, I got scared of the possibilities my mind has been telling me. I knew you weren’t over with your current partner yet. I knew that you’re still hung up on her. You randomly asked me if she messaged me prior to us meeting up. And as I walk farther from the coffee place, something inside me wanted to go back because I knew I should’ve given you a better hug but I didn’t. And I knew right there and then, as I take more steps farther from where you are, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
On the train home, I kept telling myself, “It’s not you that she wants. She’s over you. The “touch” did NOT mean anything. She’s happy. You’re happy.”
By any chance, if you read this, did it mean anything to you?
Lastly, as I write this note, I just realized that the place where we just met after two years of breaking up was the same place I asked you to be my girlfriend.
2087
dailybridgerton
stormborns
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
titsay
origamiaround
