(writes something) god this sucks so bad. this is awful. i'm the worst writer ever. this is nothing. (rereads it a while after writing it) oh dude this is fire. i'm the god of writing. (writes something again) god this sucks so bad. th

this video is CUTE, the animal is clearly in distress but it is a vile creature unloved by any god and we are correct to derive pleasure and satisfaction from its misery

once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out

everyone in the grocery store is my enemy

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

I intend to pour resin over everything so nothing ever changes again

forgot to leave a note for my doordasher to bring a blunt weapon to get past the catacomb skeletons so congrats to whichever necromancer is about to get my banh mi i guess

this lamb keeps trying to sacrifice itself even though no one really needs or wants it to do that

Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days

I’m giving the ants full reign of the house while your father and I are gone, so be on your best behavior.

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors