walked to the beach today. swam in pouring rain, under the moon after the sunset. perfect, perfect.

i’m so sick of fear and it’s need for control.

wanna go to the beach. don't wanna drive to the beach. just wanna be at the beach. wanna teleport to the beach.

sunshine, breeze + blue sky = the perfect combination for feeling alive.

omg. i just had my heart shattered by a stranger (kinda). i've had this mutual for a few years who was battling stage four cancer. she was only 29. over the last few years, i've sent her little anonymous ask messages checking up on her, making her feel human.. literally just checking to see how she is and if she's still alive every now and then. and she'd always respond. the last ask message she responded to for me was on april 7th of this year. i've sent her a few messages after that .. no response. logged into tumblr after a while tonight, went on her page out of curiosity to see that she hasn't updated her page in two months. i'm literally shaking and bawling as i type this. it's NOT like her to NOT update her page. i did not know her name because it's not easily seen on her blog. while scrolling on her blog nervously i literally said "God, please don't tell me that she's dead". i opened her archive and scrolled a few months back and noticed she had a post up asking for donations for treatment and she had her venmo which is her first and last name. i googled her name only to find... her obituary. i threw my laptop. 💔 sadly, tonight, the first thing i did, before i found out all of this, i sent her an ask saying "ARE U OKKKKKK". she died on may 6th. life... r.i.p beautiful, jayla. pain free.

fifth night in a row of falling sleep with the ocean on me after a sunset swim. Lord, I’m grateful.

imagine the year being 2030. sounds so far-off but it's literally right around the corner.

I just need a swim.

I appreciate my growth so much.

me: but, God... God: I am protecting you.

the only thing fear will do is make sure what you want never happens.

always, always, always thankful for reaching safely.