thesoleangel

Of love. Of friendship. Of getting married. Of finances. Of anything that’s happening around me and to me.

I get to pause for a bit to think about them. To think about those stories that I’ve heard or experienced a thousand times, repeatedly telling me that I must do something about it. To write about them for a sole purpose – to relive them and learn from them. They may be victories, painful experiences or to some, an ordinary story. But it’s not about us, really. It’s about Him. It’s about what He has done and will do for us.

I woke up to my Mom telling me that we'll be going to Tagaytay to spend the afternoon. So yeah, due to her spontaneity, my afternoon plans got cancelled. 

Fast forward, we're on the tollgate of the expressway and our driver realized he made a mistake, it was the wrong exit. We should have taken the Sta. Rosa exit and now we have no choice but to venture to this uncertain place with an only clue, a sign saying "To Tagaytay Highlands"

The journey has been full of ups and downs and my Mom worrying if we're going the right or the wrong way. But I chose not to worry, instead I sat at the back of the car, aware of the road signs if it'll lead us to the right way. 

In the end, we made it to Tagaytay, with my Mom in a stressed state and me in a relaxed state.

Mitigating risks. That's how I always rolled. 

Getting close to someone is something I can easily handle, but when it's getting too close that I start to fall, I detach. 

A little afraid to put my heart into someone else's. Afraid to invest in something to someone that I know may not return the investment I made. Afraid that I might get hurt in the end. Afraid that he wouldn't be worth the effort and the risk.

---

Dear son,

Don’t let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you.

Don’t let any of these pigs and perverts you see on TV be a lesson to you. They treat women like garbage; they possess no chivalry, no self control; they are disloyal and dishonest; they spend all day pursuing pleasure at the expense of others, and they encourage you to do the same. You might be tempted to follow suit. In fact, you WILL be tempted. These male pop stars and celebrities, look at them, you’ll think. They take advantage of emotionally broken, self loathing, confused young women, and they are rewarded handsomely for it. Look at their nice clothes and their nice cars. Look how they are admired and loved. Look, they treat women like trash and other women fawn all over them because of it. This must be how real men behave, you’ll think.

And you’ll be wrong. You’ll be wrong about a lot of things in life — this is what it means to be human — but never will you be more wrong than when you feel the temptation to buy the lies that pop culture sells about the nature of true masculinity. Son, there is nothing glamorous or fun about being a man of low character and no integrity. What you see on TV is a facade. It’s a sales pitch. It’s poison. You see the bright lights and the sexy women, but you don’t see what happens when the cameras are off and these pop culture gods return to their lives as mere mortals. You don’t see them in their big, empty, lonely houses. You don’t see the emptiness in the pit of their souls. You don’t see all the alcohol and drugs they have to use to dull the pain of living a life devoid of real, committed relationships. You don’t see the hatred they have for themselves and for humanity. You don’t see the jealousy they have towards normal, decent men.

Your dad is no celebrity. He’s just an average, boring guy. But he’s got something that every famous and non-famous womanizer envies: He’s got the love and commitment of ONE beautiful, smart, faithful woman. He’s got your mom, and he’ll only have your mom until the day he dies. He ought to be waking up every day shouting praises to the Lord because of that.

Listen, son, don’t let the world tell you how to be a man. They don’t know anything about the subject.

Men are loyal. Men are honest. Men respect and honor women. A man goes out and finds one woman, and he vows to protect and love her for the rest of his life. A man would never betray that vow. Even the weakest and most cowardly man — if he is a man at all — would die for the woman he loves. Your dad is no hero, but let someone try to hurt your mom and watch him suddenly turn into Superman (or Batman, whichever you prefer).

See, son, you don’t have to be big and strong to be a man, although I think you will be one day. You don’t have to be “cool” or athletic. You don’t have to play guitar or fix cars. These are all fine things, but they don’t define a man. A man is defined by how he treats women, by how he keeps his promises, and by how he protects and serves the ones he loves. That’s what makes a man a man. My dad taught me that, he taught it by example. I pray I can do the same for you.

Oh, and by the way, if I ever catch you disrespecting women, I will sit you down and talk to you about it. But first I’ll kick your butt up and down the street. That’s a promise.

Love,

Your old man

I must admit, for the past few weeks, I am emotional. You probably would've guessed I suffered from a heartbreak.

And yes. I did.

For me, losing a boyfriend is much easier than losing a best friend. I don't know if I will regret writing this but I even though I tried not to think about it, I lost my best friend.

I hate to admit, but I really missed him. I really missed the daily interesting conversations (we talk everything under the sun, even feelings!), the good morning/ good night messages, that special treatment he always gave me, the brother/sister relationship that we had,

I missed that feeling that when I have a problem, I can always talk to or "sumbong" to him. I missed how transparent and honest I was to him. 

But now, there is none. Not a single reply to my text message. Not a single good morning. The last time I saw him was on my birthday a few years back.

I wish I can have my best friend again. I really missed him. I really missed my kapatid.  

And if by chance, you happen to read this, I mean every single word of it.

and...

11am. Observed at Kid's Church

Because of certain circumstances, I wasn't able to observe on my specified date which was supposedly last Sunday. But today, I finally did it! I went to observe at Kid's Church ages 10-12. I'm glad my "would-be team" are so fun to be with. They're very energetic and I find it really good to have that kind of atmosphere. They really get to engage the Kids to have fun, worship and learn more about God. 

From my personal experience, I got to talk to this one kid who made my day. When she came, I noticed how nice she's dressed. She wore a neon yellow striped top which you can actually hide your hands like a cape, yellow leggings, and black boots that are just below the knee. When I started the conversation with her, I praised how nice her boots was because personally, I loved it. Then I asked her name but she didn't understand me when I said it in Tagalog, so I asked her in English instead and learned that she communicates in English. Throughout the whole kid's service, she was very quiet but when it ended, she opened to me about how brave she was. She proudly told me that she watches scary stuffs in which even her sister is afraid of but she's not scared at all. She even asked me if I know Slenderman, then I asked her if she plays it, she said she couldn't because she needs her Dad's laptop's password so she can play it. She also told me that she wants to be an architect, artist and that she is planning to learn to play the violin and the drums. She tapped the floor and made a sound, and I think that her beat was great. 

I just love to interact with kids, it makes you feel like you are a kid too and I love hearing their stories. I am a very talkative person but with them, I just love to listen and answer their many different questions.

2pm. Victory Group.

I had the opportunity again to lead the group today because I was assigned to lead the material. While I was leading, I understood the true meaning of compassion. Compassion means helping others (this includes even our enemies) who is in need. Often times, we have this "sindikato lang yan" mindset, and for this, I am guilty. But the Bible tells us in Matthew 7:1-2, Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

The Lord clearly tells us that we shouldn't judge people, for in the measure we use, it will be measured to us. 

So if the Lord moved you to help someone who is in need, do not hesitate just because you didn't like his appearance or personality. Be like the Good Samaritan who didn't care that the one who he is helping is a Jew but helped because he needed help.

4pm. Sunday's Service.

6pm. Home.

8pm. Text from my VG leader.

I got a text from my VG leader and she told me that she got 3 people in which she would like me to disciple. God immediately answered my prayer! and I really pray that this would continue. I pray for them to be my future VG members! 

The next parts would be, me sleeping, checking mails, watching The Vampire Diaries latest episode (Yay to Rebekah and Elena teaming up and scheming!), reading the Bible and finally writing this blog! 

and me needs to rest! 

Oyasumi Minnasan,

Yesterday, after a long while, my Dad and I spent some time together. Thank you for the check that we had to en-cash, we actually had time to talk while waiting at DTI and Landbank.

So how did the conversation go? Basically, he asked me a lot about different things, mainly on technology, how certain stuff works and such. I just love that after all these years, he never changed. He is still a good listener and you can never go wrong in having that certain conversation with him. He knows what questions to ask to keep the conversation going and most of the time, he will make a joke about things and that will make you really laugh.

This is what I missed. My listener, my clown and my adviser.