thesethieves

I don’t usually write out my personal thoughts here very much, but I’ve decided this was a time in my life where I should. I’m just going to bottle it all up in a post and toss it into the vast internet sea.

You mean a lot to me.

You were my first real significant other, my first real relationship that I will forever be thankful for. You showed me how good life was and how much more there was to it. Even though we didn’t do very extravagant things because we had no money, you showed me how great eating, cooking, watching films, or just holding hands, cuddling, or laughing with someone you love felt like. You showed me what being in love felt like.

I have never felt so comfortable, happy, or enlightened in my life before being with you. I think of you every time my day quiets and a moment settles. Every time we meet I’m relieved because I can just relax and be myself and everything would be fine. 

Yet I’m sorry that I didn’t do enough when I needed to.

Whether it was me being new to relationships, just being generally bad at doing boyfriend things, the things we didn’t have in common, or me just being a lazy ass, I’m sorry I couldn’t manage to give you the same joy that you gave me.

I know a part of you, maybe even a part of me, knew deep down we weren’t compatible when the shine faded and the cracks started to show... but I deeply loved what we had and I’m sad to see you leave.

I know you’re happy with the new person you’ve found and it makes me happy to see you like that, but I’m hurting nonetheless. I have a lot of feelings swelling up inside and no one to talk to and it sucks right now.

I wanted to say goodbye in person but I don’t think I’ll get to, so, goodbye.